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Title: Attack of the Prehistoric Pokemon MSTed (part 2)
Author: Kojiro
(http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=Directory-AuthorProfile&UserID=19476)
Attack of the Prehistoric Pokémon MST3K (part two of a two part
partwork)
Second verse, same as the first.
Disclaimer: I don’t own
this, I don’t own that, it’s not mine.
I’ve MST’d a Pokémon script because
no-one will give me their fanfics (*sob*). So, if you like, send yours in!
Pleeeeasse?
The script I pulled only had the parts with Team Rocket in, so
it’s not a whole episode. Pokémon isn’t mine. I’d be rich if it was.
MST3K is
not mine, neither are Ant, Dec and Cat. They’re actual TV presenters. I used
them because they have a Saturday morning show with Pokémon on it, and they’re
hilarious. Declan tends to dress up as Misty, Ant as Gary, and they have a daft
Pokémon Battle (MISTY: I choose Girly silence attack! Hmmm…. GARY: I choose
reading diary attack! `Dear Diary, I think I’m in love with a guy called Gary,
but I still have a crush on Brock!` Oooh!). Of course, it’s a British show, so
about 85% of the people that read this won’t know who they are. Don’t fret,
there is an intro, but I very much over-emphasised their TV personas… well,
you’ll see.
I used Giovanni from Pokémon as the head of the rival station,
and I tried not to mention existing programs and channels, for fear of getting
my butt sued off.
It’s all in good fun, no slander!
*** They
re-enter the theatre, back in their own clothes. Dec is still complaining about
Cat using a Sayjin attack. Ant is still a little frazzled.***
(everyone’s
looking at the Pokémon, Team Rocket is so scared, James and Jessie are still
holding on to each other)
Ash: Let’s see... (pulls out Dexter/Pokédex)
DEC: Dexter, from Dexter’s lab!
ANT: Wahey! I love that show! Can we
watch that instead?.
CAT: You spend too much time watching Cartoon Network
for a 26 year old.
Dexter/Pokédex: Omanyte and Omastar, Kabuto and
Kabutops. It is believed that these Pokémon became extinct tens of thousands of
years ago. The details of their behaviour is shrouded in
CAT: A nice
silky black material, sometimes cashmere for the
holidays.
mystery.
ALL: (sing) …Science Theater 3000!
ANT:
MST3K? Can we watch that?
DEC: You’ll watch Pokémon and like it.
CAT: If
it’s all the same to you, can I silently seethe with hated at this
show?
Though some have speculated that they may still exist, none of
these Pokémon have ever been seen alive.
(James and Jessie hold hands in
excitement)
ANT: Ah-em.
Jessie: All right!
DEC: (As
Jessie, rubs hands together and claps) Let’s get to it,
James!
***thwack***
ANT: Oow! That was him, not me!
CAT: I prefer
him.
James: We’re going to be rich! We’ll open a prehistoric Pokémon park
that’ll be bigger than Pokéworld!
Jessie: Even the boss will be impressed
with us!
Meowth: Aaaa, I could get my own talk show or even my own cartoon!
ANT: (deadpan)Hah. Hah. Hah.
CAT: (deadpan)A cartoon that wants to be
a cartoon. How funny. Hah. Hah.
DEC: Where’s he been? Did he leave the show
for a few minutes?
ANT: Popped out to get a burrito, now he’s
back.
Ash: (sweatdrop) Those Pokémon don’t seem as happy about this as
you guys do...
Pikachu: (sweatdrop) Chu....
DEC: Anime characters
need more deodorant. All those sweatdrops probably mount up into one big sticky,
stinky mess.
CAT: Ick…
Ash: Just look at those eyes... These Pokémon
seem really angry.
(Meowth gets scared and grabs Jessie’s leg)
DEC:
(As Dr Evil) Mini-Me-owth! Stop humping my leg!
Jessie: They look like
they just woke up, maybe these Pokémon weren’t fossilized, but were just
sleeping.
James: That’s it. The dynamite must of woken them up after
thousands of years.
Meowth: Some alarm clock.
CAT: Beats the
traditional Darth Vader shaped ones.
DEC: Yeah, them that are supposed to
wake you up by saying `Luke, I am your father` five times over.
CAT: They
never do though. You just end up saying `OK Dad`, and falling back
asleep.
ANT: I’ve got one of those! It’s good!
DEC: It is not, Ant. Now
stop being a five year old, and watch the damn cute yellow rat!
Jessie:
Aaah, nevermind, let’s just capture them!
James & Jessie: Pokéball, GO!!
Kabutops: Kabutops (hits Pokéballs back which hit Meowth)
ANT: (As
tennis commentator) Service, Kabutops!
Meowth: Aaaaa... oooof. (falls
down)
ANT: Game, set, match. Kabotops wins!
Kabutops: Ka...
(raises hand/claw and the other Pokémon get ready, saying their names)
DEC: (conversationally) I bet Dittos get identity crises.
ANT: (as
Ditto) Umm, Diglett? No, wait, Rai… Hang on, I’ll get there…
James:
They’ve got us trapped!
Meowth: There’s no place to run!
CAT: Yes,
that’s the standard definition of being trapped.
Ash: We have to
battle... Charmeleon, I choose you!
Charmeleon: Char
DEC:
Char…coal.
CAT: Char…grilled chicken.
ANT: Char…med. Can we watch that?
Lovely Wiccan ladies…
Ash: Charmeleon, use your flame to stop them.
Charmeleon: (scratches head) me...
DEC: (as Ash) Yes, you! Who
else?
ANT: (as Charmeleon) Oh,yes, I forgot you only have about nine Pokémon,
unlike Gary, who has at least 200…
DEC: (as Ash as Cartman) Dammit,
Charmeleon! No Charmeleon, that’s a bad Charmeleon!
(lays down) Char...
Ash: (sweatdrop) Aaaawww... it still won’t obey me...
DEC: (Ash as
Cartman, whiny) Nooo, Charmeleon! That’s my chicken pot pie! Mom! Charmeleon’s
being a dildo!
CAT: A special presentation for all of you South Park fans
out there.
Kabutops: Ka butops! (Pokémon attack and everyone runs away,
being chased all over the cave)
(Omastar curls up and hits Team Rocket)
Meowth: Aaaaaa!!!
James & Jessie: Aaaaa!!
(Ash and Pikachu try
to avoid being slashed by Kabutops)
Ash: Aaaaa!
CAT: None of them
seem to be able to advance any further in the alphabet.
ANT: I got stuck on
that one for a while.
DEC: Had to buy him a picture book and
everything.
Pikachu: Pi!
(Kabutops slashes again)
DEC: Krazy
Kabutops Cars slashes prices again! We’re so crazy, you’d think we’re
fossilised!
Ash: Whoa!!
Pikachu: PIKA!!
(above ground)
Misty:
Team Rocket blew the canyon up with dynamite.
ANT: Not bananas then?
Definitely dynamite, not pilchards?
Brock: Ash must be trapped down under
these boulders. You’ve got to help us!
Officer Jenny: The bulldozers can’t
make it don’t here, we’ll have to dig by hand. I’ll go and get some help.
ANT: (as Officer Jenny) I’ll get bulldozers! Oh no, wait…
CAT: She
doesn’t plan to help them at all. She’s met Ash.
DEC: (as Jenny) Oh, yeah,
I’ll help you…(!)
ANT: And she runs off giggling in the direction of
Pokeburger King.
Brock: Aaaaa.....
Misty: Ooooohhhh.......
(all remain silent)
ANT: Oh, come on, let me have that one!
CAT:
Just this one. Only because it’s fairly obvious.
(Arbok and Weezing are
being chased by the Omastars, Omantyes, and Kabutos)
DEC: Hey, they’re
Omantyes now, as opposed to the Omanytes they were previously.
ANT: Maybe
they evolved.
CAT: Omantye, bad spelling attack!
Arbok: Charbok.
Weezing: Weezing.
(the other Pokémon follow them)
Arbok: Charbok.
Weezing: Weezing.
DEC: I think I’m sensing a pattern.
(Team
Rocket is hiding behind a rock, and Meowth has a sweatdrop)
ANT: Jessie
and James gave it to him for Christmas.
DEC: (as Jessie) Meowth is so happy
with his new sweatdrop.
CAT: (as James) He plays with it all day
long.
ANT: (as Ash, whiny) Meowth has a new sweatdrop? I want one! I bet Gary
has three!
CAT: (as James) Swap you Pikachu for a brand-new
sweatdrop?
ANT: (as Ash) OK.
Jessie: Arbok, Weezing, what are you
doing? Why are you running away from them?
James: You have to chase them.
James & Jessie: Huh? (Arbok and Weezing are being attacked)
Arbok:
Char bok, bok bok bok.
ANT: Arbok’s turned into a chicken!
CAT:
Kentucky Fried Arbok.
Weezing: Weezing
Two Kabutops: Kabu.
DEC: Kabuki? Are they going to put on a play?
CAT: I prefer Noh
theatre.
ANT: That’s Mike Nelson’s line and you know it!
Ash: Go on
Pikachu, give them your electric shock!!
Pikachu: Pi-ka--chu!! (shocks them
on their chests, but nothing happens)
Two Kabutops: (rubs where Pikachu
shocked them) Ka bu tops?
Pikachu: Pika?
Kabutops: Ka! (trys to hit
Pikachu, but Pikachu dodges and runs to Ash)
Pikachu: Pika pi!
Ash:
Electricity isn’t going to work, Charmeleon!
Charmeleon: (sleeping on a
rock) me..... char......
Ash: Aaaw, it’s useless...
CAT: (baby talk
voice) Aww, it’s useless! How cute! Coo, coo!
(sweatdrop forms as he says
this)
(the two Kabutops advance on Ash and Pikachu)
Ash: Aaaa!
DEC: Now Bbbb! Come on, Ash, you can do it!
ANT: I bet Gary
could.
Pikachu: Pika!
(they close their eyes and hug each other
tight)
(the Kabutops stop)
Two Kabutops: Kaaa Ka bu tops.
Ash: Huh?
ANT: THEY SAID KAA KA BU TOPS! Listen, won’t you?
DEC: Too
loud!
Pikachu: Pika pi?
(all the Pokémon run off saying their names)
Arbok: Charbok.
Weezing: Weezing.
DEC: There’s that familiar
pattern again.
Ash: I don’t understand what happened.
Jessie: A
miracle, this is a miracle! (James and Jessie hug)
DEC: (as Jessie) A
Christmas Miracle, James!
CAT: (Cockney accent) Gawd bless us all.
ANT:
This episode is probably praised as a god by Rocketshippers.
CAT: All over
the world are Jessie and James shrines with gilded tapes of this
episode.
James: We’re alive!
Meowth: (sweatdrop) Oh no, I hear
sumtin’ else!
DEC: Sumtin? Isn’t that a small orange? Like a
tangerine?
ANT: Sumatra. I think.
CAT: Sultana!
DEC: Santana!
ANT:
Sinatra!
(everyone sees Aerodactyl fly out)
All: Aaaahhh!!
(Aerodactyl hits Charmeleon, knocking him off his rock and flies up to a
rock)
Aerodactyl: Aero!
(Team Rocket get scared again, James and Jessie
still hug, now in fright, while Ash uses his Pokédex on Aerodactyl)
Dexter/Pokédex: Aerodactyl, an extinct flying Pokémon. Its hard fangs
suggest that it was a carnivore. Its sharp claws were probably used to capture
prey.
ANT: Probably. Or they could have been used for apple peeling,
we’re not sure.
CAT: Handy Kitchenette Aerodactyl! He slices, he
dices…
Ash: What’s a carnivore?
(All laugh out loud)
CAT:
Heheheh! How old is this kid meant to be?
DEC: Ten!
CAT: And he doesn’t
know what a carnivore is?
DEC: None of them have had proper schooling. They
can train their little cute pets, but what happens when they’re older and can’t
get a job because they never went to school? Huh? Huh?
ANT: You think about
this too much, mate.
DEC: I scare me.
James: That means it thinks
we’re dinner!!
Jessie: That must be why the others ran away.
Meowth: I
hope it don’t like cat food.
ANT: I only have two tins of Fancy Feast
left! He can’t have them!
CAT: Is Meowth made of cat food? Processed
tuna?
Aerodactyl: Aero! (flies towards them)
All: Aaaahhh! (everyone
starts running, Aerodactyl seems to be flying right over James)
Charmeleon:
Char meleon. (everyone runs past him)
Ash: Ha, it looks like Charmeleon is
finally ready to fight. Good luck.
Charmeleon: Char.
(Aerodactyl hits
him into a rock, knocking him out) (Everyone was stopped, watching Charmeleon)
Ash: A first round knock out.
Pikachu: Chu....
Team Rocket: Ooohh...
All: (sees some dirt fall) Huh? (looks up)
Brock: Ash!
Misty: Hey
Ash!
Ash: Get us out of here and hurry up!
All: (sees Aerodactyl drop
down) Aaahh!!
(Aerodactyl drops down and grabs Ash)
DEC: Nooo! Poor
Ash!
ANT: Hehe.
James & Jessie: Ohh...
ANT: (As
Jessie)…Thank God! One less thing on my `To Do` list! (Takes out list) Brutally
murder Ash Ketchem… Check. Demean James and hit him again…
Pikachu: Chu..
(jumps on to Aerodactyl’s tail folllowed by Charmeleon)
(rocks fall into the
cave, making a hole)
Officer Jenny: Over here!
Brock: Hurry up!
Misty: Let’s go!
CAT: Chop-chop!
DEC: Zip-zip!
ANT: Tally
ho!
OTHERS: Eh?
ANT: It just … sounded right.
Aerodactyl:
Aerodactyl! (flies out and Pikachu and Charmeleon fall off)
DEC:
(bitterly) And a huge gap, as important plot points are missed out. But that’s
OK, we’ll just watch Team Rocket running around in circles for a while, that’s
more interesting.
ANT: Somebody’s bitter.
CAT: Got bile?
(Arbok and
Weezing have sweatdrops and wide eyes as Team Rocket sits in front on all the
Pokémon sleeping. Once again James and Jessie are hugging in fright)
Jessie:
Hey up there, somebody help us!
James: We don’t want to be extinct too.
Aerodactyl: Aero (rubs eye)
Meowth: Sssshh, you’re goin’ wake it up.
James & Jessie: Rock a bye dactyl, please don’t eat us.
CAT: Eat
Ash, he’s higher in calcium.
(starts fading to the little square)
James: Aachoo!
Aerodactyl: Aero!
ANT: Hey! Subliminal
advertising!
CAT: You know, I fancy an Aero.
(episode ends)
ANT: The words I’ve longed to hear.
CAT: Well. That was… new.
DEC:
*Giggles happily*
***They all stand to leave***
Declan, still
grinning from the thrill of his favourite show, was the one to answer Giovanni’s
call. "Hiya!" he said stupidly, smiling like a manic.
They can’t be
destroyed, can they? mused Giovanni. "I give up…" he
muttered.
=^0^=
And that’s all she wrote. Any good? Please review
me, otherwise I’ll keep doing them, good or not. Mwahahahah!
Should I replace
the characters? I have a few in reserve, ones that somebody outside of England
may know about. Please post a review, or mail me at
dittoblue30@yahoo.co.uk.
Thanks!
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