This chapter MSTed by Draco the Lizard

Most of the people who had been in theatre were gathered around Washu, who was attempting to make a comprehensible tale of the fic. “So, what do we have so far? A weird rift opened the gates between Digiworld and Johto, enabling Myotismon and his henchmen to travel trough.”

“And us!” Tai added, not wanting to be left out.

“And the digi-destined.” Washu added. “Then, because Giovanni isn’t happy with her, he kicks out Jessie.”

“Which was completely unfair.” Jessie fumed.

“She hears Demidevimon and decides to join Myotismon and she falls in love with him and he with her. Oh, and he gives her a lot of control.” Washu noted this down. “The new team attacks the kids and beat them. The kids go to the pokémon centre, where they’re being attacked by Butch and Cassidy and the new team, stealing the Pokémon. Then two self-inserted characters join in and promise to help. Oh, and Giovanni becomes a scary cheese addict.” Washu looked up. “That’s everything, isn’t it?”

James scratched his chin. “I think so.”

“Not really.” Jessie interfered. “You forgot about how all the men in Team Rocket confess they love me!”

Washu looked doubtful. “Well, yes, but that’s not really important, is it?” Then she saw Jessie’s angry face. “Though it may become important in the future so I’ll just put it in.” Washu was pleased with herself. “See, I told you the greatest genius in the universe could make the story understandable!”

“Where IS this genius then?” Edmund Blackadder said, who had joined the club as well, despite of him not having read the story yet. He looked around the satellite. “I don’t see any geniuses, do you?”

“*I* am the greatest genius in the universe!” Washu glared at him, Edmund looked unimpressed.

“If you excuse me, I’m going to leave the psychiatic ward for a minute and have a smoke.” He stood up and left, Washu still angry.

“How dare he!” The self-proclaimed genius said.

“Don’t worry Washu, he’s from the dark ages, I don’t think he even knows women have brains.” Cat comforted her. “Spike, you go talk to him.”

“Why me?” The vampire argued.

“Because you’ve lived longer than any of us and you can explain to him that women are more than just play-things. Go have a smoke with him. Or you can just go in the theatre again, for a private screening. I’m sure Giovanni has a nice Angel/Spike slash lying around.” Cat threatened.

“I’m going, I’m going.” Spike muttered. “Why couldn’t this stupid rift open a portal to a good brain surgeon?” He asked himself, looking for Blackadder who was probably in the smoking area of the satellite.

“There you are.” Spike greeted the other man. “You know, Washu’s angry with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she builds some sort of weapon to kill you.”

Edmund snorted. “I doubt it. She doesn’t look smart enough to know which end of a sword is meant to stab with.”

Spike grinned. “From personal experience, I can say she does.” Edmund gave him a bemused look, still not believing him.

“Slackbladder! I didn’t know you were here!” An attractive blonde man approached the duo, his arms around two female animé characters whose names shall remain unknown. “So, what do you think of this place?”

“Spike, this is Lord Flashheart, Flash, this is William the Bloody, aka Spike.” Edmund introduced the two. “Flash, I didn’t know you were here either. I think this place has just become a little less pleasant, if you must know.”

Flashheart smiled. “Come on, Slackie, just because some ancestor of mine ran off with your fiance doesn’t mean we’re all that bad! I’ve met your great-grandson, and he’s doing quite well, you know. Tell you what, you come with me and I’ll tell you all about how I bravely saved his life.”

Edmund looked like he’s rather jump out of the airlock than to spend time with the loud man. “No, I’m rather busy doing nothing at the moment.”

Spike had a thought. Maybe he could make Edmund go in the theatre instead of him. “Yes, he is, he has to go in the theatre, you know. A little fanfic watching, a little mocking. Things like that.”

“I am?” Edmund looked surprised, then regained his composture. “I mean, of course I am. Silly me, forgetting about the er, fanfic. Well Flash, can’t say it’s been a pleasure talking to you, but I have fic to mock, so I’ll be off.” Blackadder quickly walked away, leaving Spike with Lord Flashheart.

Cat walked around, looking for Spike. “Spike? Edmund? Ready to apologize to Washu yet?” She ran into Vegeta. “Have you seen Spike or Edmund?” She asked.

“Well, Edmund’s over there but I haven’t seen Spike.” Vegeta said, pointing to the other side of the room where Blackadder was. Cat grabbed Vegeta’s arm and dragged him over to Edmund.

“So, ready to apologize yet?” Cat asked Edmund cheerfully.

“No, not really. By the way, I’m trying to avoid a complete git, do you know a good hiding place?” Edmund asked.

Cat smiled. “Sure! Come with me and Vegeta into the theatre, it’s time you got to see it.”

She looked around and saw Jessie practically sitting on Giles’ lap. “Jessie! Wanna see the fanfic?”

“No! I’m busy!” Came the reply.

“But then you won’t see yourself kick Ash’s butt! I heard there’s good fighting scéne!” Cat lied. This got Jessie’s attention. Giles would be around for a while, but watching herself kick the little twerp’s ass wouldn’t be.

“So, how about we go in then?” Jessie suggested. Together, the foursome went into the theatre.

BLACKADDER: “Pretty dark in here, isn’t it?”

VEGETA: “Quit being cheerful, you’re about to be tortured by amateuristic writing.”

BLACKADDER: “I doubt I’ll feel tortured, I’ve survived Baldrick’s writing after all.”

A/N: I like this chapter.

VEGETA: “Well, I don’t and I haven’t even started reading it.”

I have no idea who to root for. Team Rocket? Myotismon?

JESSIE: “I don’t care as long as I win.”

HELP ME HERE! WHO DO YOU WANT TO WIN???!!!

VEGETA: “As long as there’s killing and blood I don’t care.”

JESSIE: “Me, obviously.”

CAT: “Er, who ever wants peace and love and kindness?”

BLACKADDER: “I want me to win. But I’m not there, so I don’t care.”

Either way, the bad guys win. This is where the “horror” genre comes in… Oh shot, I have to choose between my two favorite villains! >_<

VEGETA: “Shot? Did someone get shot?”

BLACKADDER: “No, she just couldn’t swear properly.”

I CAN’T DECIDE! I also got a bit of the last part from that one 01 Pokemon ep about the maiden rock, and I don’t own that episode.

CAT: “Is that the one where James and Brock are practically french-kissing?”

JESSIE: “THEY WERE NOT! They were only leaning towards each other. For support.”

And now for a sugar-high question: Why does “Pokemon” have that accent mark above the “E?” Shouldn’t it be pronounced poh-KAY-mon instead of POH-kuh-mon?

VEGETA: “There’s millions of ways of spelling my name, but you don’t see ME thinking about it.”

Chapter 10

Eliminating the Competition: Caught in the Act!

CAT: “Where? Where? Where are they?”

Gatomon and Meowth met back at the cave five days later. There was a very significant difference in the way Gatomon looked.

BLACKADDER: “She had shopped in Paris and bought a lot of expensive gowns she’d only wear once and then discard them as being ‘unfashionable’.”

Her stomach was ever so slightly bigger and rounder, and she had a worried expression on her face. Meowth was nonchalant, unaware about the shock that was about to come.

JESSIE: “If it has something to do with Pikachu, I do not want to know.”

“What’s wrong, Gatomon?” asked Meowth. “I mean, it’s a beautiful day like it has been for the past five days. Why is something the matter now?”

VEGETA as Gatoman: “I just heard the weather forecast. They say there might be rain tomorrow.”

“Meowth, there’s something you ought to know,” said Gatomon, looking at her back paws.

CAT: “I’m pregnant.”

“You see, I think we might have had more catnip than allotted. I think I ought to tell you now so it’s not too much of a shock for you later. I think we did it in the catnip.”

JESSIE: “They did it in the catnip they ate? Eww.”

Meowth gasped. “So I am your mate now?”

VEGETA: “That’s how Bulma tricked me.”

“Yes,” said Gatomon silently. “It’s kittens. I think pokemon and digimon have finally cross-bred. GatoMeowths.”

CAT: “I think Meowthmon sounds a lot better.”

JESSIE: “That could be Meowth with just about any digimon.”

BLACKADDER: “He’d probably do it if he had the chance. I would.”

JESSIE: “Yes, but you don’t have any chance what so ever.”

“So you’re pregnant?” asked Meowth.

Gatomon nodded. “Yeah. With cross-bred kittens.

BLACKADDER: “I bet collectors would pay good money for an animal like that...”

JESSIE: “Imagine how happy Giovanni would be...”

I mustn’t let anyone other than you know about this. Not even Demidevimon knows about this. If he did he’d squeal to the master.”

CAT as Meowth: “If he squeals high enough, the Master won’t be able to hear him.”

VEGETA as Gatomon: “His bats will.”

“What will happen if he finds out?” asked Meowth.

BLACKADDER as Meowth: “He’ll have my chimney sweeped!”

“It’ll only be less than three weeks,” said Gatomon. “I hope I can survive until then.”

“But how did you know?” asked Meowth. “How did you know?”

JESSIE: “She took a pregnancy test.”

VEGETA sarcastically: “Yes, ‘cause there’s so much demand for home pregnancy tests for cats, obviously.”

“A special magical friend told me about it,” Gatomon replied.

BLACKADDER as Gatomon: “And it has nothing to do with the mushrooms I had been eating.”

“They’re my children,” said Meowth. “Please keep them alive, Gatomon. For me?”

Gatomon’s cat eyes blinked a single blink. “Yes,” she said as she stroked her stomach. “For you, Meowth. My first love. Anything for you.

VEGETA: “I hope she’s sarcastic, otherwise I can’t stand this drivel any longer.”

I just can’t let Myotismon know about the kittens or he’ll have my head.”

CAT: “He’d never!”

BLACKADDER: “You’re right, he’d kill her after she gave birth and then use the kittens for his army.”

Meanwhile, at the Team Rocket headquarters…

Giovanni was rummaging in his pockets for money. Somehow he had run out.

JESSIE: “He’d never!”

VEGETA: “He did last week, we had to lend him our peanutbutter.”

CAT: “The one Ant used for that primitive looking wall-painting and ate half off

afterwards?”

VEGETA: “I made sure it was that one.”

CAT: “Eww.”

Anyway, he came upon a day-old piece of cheese. Just one little piece couldn’t hurt him. If cheese tried to eat him, he could just eat it back for revenge.

BLACKADDER: “Is it me, or does he sound a bit... crazy?”

VEGETA: “He’s crazy.”

He picked up the piece of cheese. It was as yellow as the sun and tasted sharper than a tack. It was a small wedge that looked vaguely like a traffic cone. He raised the cheese higher, and higher. The cheese looked tempting. So delicious. The cheese drew closer. He couldn’t resist temptation to eat the cheese. No! his mind urged. Don’t do it; you’ll regret it! But his taste buds said Yes! Yes! Eat the cheese! Do it for us. We’re taste buds who shouldn’t be ignored.

CAT: “I think I’d rather have our alcoholic Giovanni then this cheese freak.”

He ate the cheese. He put it right into his mouth and ATE THE CHEESE!

JESSIE: “The way she writes it makes you think something really dramatic is happening. But there’s nothing.”

Chew, chew, swallow… More. More. MORE!! MORE CHEESE! The cheese-a-holic stage had returned. This was not good.

BLACKADDER: “I think Baldrick once went through this.”

VEGETA: “What did you do?”

BLACKADDER: “I got Percy addicted as well and watched as they searched through the house, looking for cheese. Made a mess of the place, but I did find my grandfather’s collection of antique cod-pieces, so something good came out of it.”

Gatomon made it back to the headquarters at last. She needed an excuse for her frequent absences. It couldn’t be romance. Romance? She remembered! She had to tell Jessie, and FAST!

“Jessie,” she said, unaware of the mistake she would make. “Jessie, I have something important to tell you right away. It’s about romance.”

VEGETA as Gatoman: “You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...”

“I’m listening,” said Jessie, stroking Arbok affectionately in her chair.

CAT: “I wonder if that snake is supposed to be a metaphore for something.”

“It’s something from a very reliable source. And I mean reliable. First-hand.”

“Spill, cat, I don’t have all day!”

JESSIE: “Yes Cat, spill the beans, what were you and Ripper doing in that closet?”

CAT: “Nothing! He wanted to make doilies, honest!”

Jessie seemed to be acting more like MM now. Not good.

“I know for a fact that James and Mondo and even Butch have admitted to Meowth and this girl Erika—“ (she had learned a lot from Meowth)

BLACKADDER: “She learned how to have sex, for one thing.”

“—that they’re in love with you. Yeah, and they really want you.

VEGETA as Gatoman, singing: “Oh, they want you, I don’t know if they need you, but oh I’d die to find out.”

CAT: “So YOU stole my Savage Garden CD, monkey boy!”

VEGETA: “You can’t prove it, so sue me.”

They want you back in Team Rocket only because they’re in love. No other reason, you hear?”

JESSIE: “So they don’t want me back because I’m good, strong and able to kick their asses anyday? No deal.”

“Oh really. Well I say that if they really want me I will re-join Team Rocket. I mean, in Team Rocket there’s James, and Mondo, and Butch, but Butch is with Cassidy. Mondo— he’s just not my type. And James? Well he screws up too much. I also think he hates me.

CAT: “Yeah, sure, he hates you, even though he confessed he loved you and wants you.”

I mean, after hitting him on the head with a mallet and all that?”

“And here? You have me, all those stolen pokemon…”

“And Myotismon. If I let him down it’s the end of me.” Even Giovanni isn’t that nasty.

JESSIE: “I wouldn’t say that.”

Gatomon, I think I wish to return to Team Rocket. I feel Team Rocket Mon isn’t really the kind of team I’d want to be in anymore.”

BLACKADDER: “I wonder why? Could be because of those weird creatures around all the time? The depressing look of the place? Strange cat-things getting pregnant with your former team mate?”

“WHAT??!!” Gatomon looked appalled. “Don’t leave! You’re my only friend here!”

“Team Rocket was where I was meant to be,” said Jessie. “I’m sorry, Gatomon.”

CAT: “That’s nice! She leaves poor Gatomon alone with her monster of a boss AND she’s pregnant! Monster!”

JESSIE: “’Scuse me?”

CAT: “Nothing personal.”

Little did Jessie and Gatomon know that they were being surveyed on a viewing orb. Yes, I think we all know who’s viewing them on that viewing orb!

VEGETA: “Saruman?”

“Team Rocket? She’s choosing Team Rocket over me?” MM was furious at Jessie.

“Don’t feel bad, master. You can always terrorize something big like one of those cities in Kanto. Hey, I never liked Jessie.”

BLACKADDER: “That’s because you didn’t get to sleep with her.”

*THWAP*

JESSIE: “I’m willing to overlook the fact that you’re from the past, but I will not be insulted like that.”

Demidevimon flew around the room and tried to give her the finger. Then he realized he didn’t have any fingers.

VEGETA: “Give her the wing then, that should work.”

“Good riddance, I might add. Jessie was a pure appendage. We never needed her.”

MM stared into the viewing orb.

CAT: “I see, I see a gorgeous man in my future. He’s English, a gentleman and...”

BLACKADDER: “Clearly not me.”

CAT: “Well, that was obvious from the word gorgeous.”

“Then again, master, without her, none of those prison cells would be filled! And you’d have a hell of a lot less servants than you have— hey, I was just kidding! Don’t advance on me like that! NO!”

JESSIE: “Wow, I’ve seen some menacing walks in my life, but well, this is the best!”

A ton of bats flew out at the poor Demidevimon and treated him like a low chew toy as MM devised an evil plan to keep Jessie in Team Rocket Mon. The pest had a point. And so did his fangs, if you get my drift.

VEGETA: “So does my hair, if you get MY drift.”

“Yes, Demidevimon, yes… right to the source…” said Myotismon. “I leave tonight!”

At the Team Rocket headquarters in Jamassia City that night, two guards were keeping a watchful eye out for intruders.

BLACKADDER: “So following the law of all stories, they were asleep.”

They had no idea about what was about to happen. The guards were patrolling the hallways with tranquilizer guns and stuff like that. Every ten seconds they switched posts.

Suddenly, everything grew a deadly silent.

VEGETA: “The silence kept growing, and ate them whole.”

The silence was unbearable, as if something were about to happen right then and there.

The hallway seemed to grow darker and colder as it filled with a mist-like fog.

CAT: “But...mist and fog are the same thing.”

The sounds seemed like a faint howling, half dog, half ghost.

JESSIE: “With just a touch of police siren.”

“The Houndowers must be hungry,” mumbled the first guard, Hiroshi.

BLACKADDER: “Yes, very hungry. Hungry for human flesh!”

“We don’t have any Houndowers,” replied the second guard, Lance.

JESSIE: “Oh, so she can be bothered to use a Japanese name for one guard, but not for the other?”

“Then what was that?” whispered Hiroshi.

“I dunno, but we need to keep an eye out for the—“

VEGETA as Lance: “Deadly snake-thing from a couple of nights ago.”

“AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee…” The siren-like wail faded away.

CAT as Hiroshi: “Hey, that sounded like a blood-curdling scream. Let’s investigate.”

“It sounds like Cassidy,” said Lance. “Stay here. I must report this to Giovanni.”

“Relax; I think the Beedrills got loose. Simple capturing strategy.”

BLACKADDER: “Oh, it was just the Beedrill escaping siren. What in the name of Baldrick’s unmentionables is a Beedrill?”

JESSIE: “They’re giant wasps, quite vicious.”

BLACKADDER: “He thinks there’re giantic wasps on the loose and wants to be relaxed?!”

He withdrew a net from a small metal tube. “Nothing good ol’ Hiroshi can’t handle. You stay here.”

VEGETA: “And die a miserable, lonely death.”

“OK,” said Lance, sounding apprehensive. For some reason he didn’t like being abandoned by anyone. He looked around the empty halls as Hiroshi ventured off into Cassidy’s dorm.

BLACKADDER: “I wonder why he brings that net to Cassidy. Something tells me he’s not hunting wasps.”

The halls reminded him of when he got lost in the elementary school overnight.

CAT: “Serves you for being stupid enough to stay there during the night.”

The halls reminded him of the metallic labrynth of the air vents. And this was the Team Rocket headquarters. That meant anything could reach out and get him. Anything from a tarantula, or a ghost, or…

JESSIE: “The janitor.”

The faint howl sounded and echoed through the empty halls. Chilly air rushed through as the cavernous halls accumulated more fog.

BLACKADDER: “Well, I have to say one thing for the attacker, he sure likes his fog thick.”

VEGETA: “Like his victims.”

A shadow of something obscure appeared about fifty feet down the hall. Or right over him.

CAT as Author: “Wee, let’s play with the laws of physics some more!”

A presence— like something wasn’t supposed to be there.

“H-Hiroshi?” Lance refused to turn around for fear of staring right at a deadly pokemon, like Muk or Gyardos. Or worse: a dragon. He was lead into believing they existed for some reason. To him, all supernatural existed.

JESSIE: “What was Giovanni on when he hired this guy?”

BLACKADDER: “Judging from this tale, cheese.”

An ever-so-silent male scream of terror sounded from the opposite end of the hall.

CAT as Author: “Let’s play with some audio laws as well! Yippie!”

It sounded just like Hiroshi. The feeling returned. Only this time, it felt closer than ever. Lance stared straight forward into the other side of the darkened hall, waiting for Hiroshi to return.

“Hiroshi? Is that you?” asked Lance.

VEGETA as Lance: “If it’s something scary that wants to eat me, don’t bother answering.”

No answer.

VEGETA as Lance: “Shit!”

CAT: “Vegeta, young eyes present!”

VEGETA as Lance, half-hearted: “Oh, darn.”

Lance stood as stiff as a robot and more petrified than anything that had ever existed. His breathing ceased being rhythmic and quickened. He was even starting to shake. Something wasn’t right.

“Wh-wh-where a-are-are you, H-H-Hir-Hiroshi?” Lance still stared in the same direction, clutching his tranquilizer gun. “Are you behind me?”

JESSIE as Hiroshi: “Yes! Bwahaha! April fools.”

The sensation grew stronger. This time, Lance was positive something was behind him. The mist grew into a fog, and the halls were no longer visible. It was all blackness and fog.

BLACKADDER: “Isn’t fog supposed to be well, white-ish grey?”

CAT: “This is a fic. The laws of physics don’t apply here. No law does.”

“Hiroshi?” The hairs on Lance’s neck prickled and stood straight on end. He started perspiring cold sweatdrops and his breathing grew even more tense. He was also as pale as a ghost. Either his mind was playing tricks on him or this was the work of something supernatural.

JESSIE: “Or he’s lost all his marbles.”

Finally, Lance got the courage to turn around and look what was going on. He braced himself for the worst as he apprehensively turned around and averted his gaze to what was behind him.

Behind him was what he thought was a man. This man looked no older than his twenties, and was at least seven feet tall in height. He had blonde hair that looked about as long as James’s, except some was combed back from his face. The rest was in three strands. The man’s pallor and medieval-villain ensemble (complete with mask and black cape) meant to Lance that either he was either a nerd who escaped from a sci-fi convention or one of the undead.

VEGETA: “You don’t know that. It could be something completely innocent.”

BLACKADDER: “Are you willing to even consider this possibility?”

VEGETA: “Not for one second.”

“You’re not Hiroshi,” Lance managed to squeeze out. He was speechless with hear.

CAT: “Good, then he can’t hear his own nonsense.”

“What— who are you, impostor?”

The man (actually the mon) said nothing. He grinned a sinister grin, revealing white fangs. Lance knew why this strange mon was here.

“You didn’t!” he exclaimed. “You bit Cassidy!”

JESSIE: “I thought he would’ve said ‘Aaargh, you’re here to kill me’ or something.”

He brandished his tranquilizer darts and then dropped it. Then he froze in his tracks. Lance couldn’t go on. He had experienced this in a dream before and now it was happening in real life. To him. He had seen these kinds of things in movies. Was he dreaming? No!

BLACKADDER: “You don’t know that. Go on, pinch yourself.”

MM started advancing on Lance. Lance was petrified as he came within a foot. Then he felt the digimon’s cold breath on his neck. Sharpness! Fangs, driven into his skin, two at once… the pain! Lance’s worst nightmare had come true. He fainted limp and helpless as Myotismon drained some of his blood and left without a word.

Hiroshi, who had been searching Cassidy’s dorm but only found her sound asleep, returned to his post only to see Lance half-dead on the floor. A small puddle of blood was near his neck and head, all over a two-foot radius of the floor.

VEGETA: “Aren’t YOU lucky you went to see if Cassidy is alright.”

“Lance?” asked Hiroshi, staring bug-eyed at Lance’s pallor and the puddle of dark-red blood. “HELP!” he shouted. “OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S NO GOOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!” Since he was a man, he didn’t cry.

CAT: “No, he just foolishly cried for help when the attacker could be near and while he has a walkie-talkie in his belt!”

Instead Hiroshi knelt down and searched for the source of this on the side that was to the air.

JESSIE as Hiroshi: “Hmm, my friend has been drained from his blood. Perhaps by something really tiny!”

But he couldn’t find any bullets or anything.

Just in the nick of time, James, Mondo, Meowth, Butch, Cassidy, Domino, two RocketMen and Giovanni came running up to the scene.

BLACKADDER: “They’re up pretty quick. Makes you wonder what they were doing.”

“What’s going on?” asked James. “Why is the man on the floor?”

“Lance lost a lot of blood,” said Hiroshi. “I couldn’t find any bullets or other weapons when I searched him.”

CAT: “Things look very bad for Hiroshi.”

“Take him to the infirmary,” said Domino. “And fast.” She, Cassidy, James and Mondo helped lift Lance off the ground. Domino lifted his head and discovered some warm liquid flowing onto her hand. “Eeeew! Blood!” She tried to shake it off as more dripped down.

JESSIE: “She’s supposed to be the bad girl! I can’t watch this any longer...”

“Come on!” Mondo exclaimed. He started rushing to the infirmary, and so did the others. The mist had disappeared, and the hallways were only near complete darkness.

In the infirmary, the doctor wiped all the blood off and found a nasty surprise on Lance’s neck.

VEGETA as doctor: “I thought you had the Pokémon house-trained?”

“He was bitten,” said the doctor as a few drops of blood flowed out of the wound. “Looks like those vampire bites only seen in the movies. I think a Golbat got loose again. Third one this month.” The doctor wrapped some gauze around Lance’s neck. “And make sure those Golbats are locked up. Those things can drain a lot of blood, I tell you.”

It wasn’t any pokemon. It was Myotismon.

BLACKADDER sarcastically: “No, really? I thought it was that OTHER vampire lookalike.”

The day after all this, the twerps and the digi-destined were in another place when it showed up on the news.

“Team Rocket’s on the news!” Ash exclaimed, pointing to a gigantic TV that was mounted on some building. The streets had gone nearly silent.

JESSIE: “The only people left were arrested for being loud in a tragic situation.”

“A potentially dangerous criminal mastermind is on the loose,”

CAT: “There’s nothing potential about that dead guy.”

said a news reporter. “This killer has struck in many different places which include the pokemon gym, the pokemon center, the local park, and the Team Rocket headquarters. While most of the victims are young women, there have been many reports of older men being attacked as well, like Lance of Team Rocket.”

VEGETA as reporter: “It’s obvious that the attacker was very desperate.”

“It was awful!” Lance exclaimed weakly. “I mean, once I was in the hall and there was this strange man standing behind me. Hiroshi shouldn’t have left me alone!”

BLACKADDER: “He came back to live! He’s one of the undead! Kill him!”

JESSIE: “Calm down, we have a very good docter, they healed him.”

“These strange attacks, all of which are losses of blood, have been randomly occurring over one week,” continued the reporter. “Lock your doors, keep all the children safe, and be on the lookout for a strange man: a tall, blonde male wearing a mask, cape, and a blue medieval-style outfit.”

“I know that description!” excalimed Tai. “That’s

CAT as Tai: “My father’s superhero outfit!”

Myotismon!”

“You mean the one Jessie was with?” asked Misty.

VEGETA as Tai: “No, I mean the other Myotismon!”

“Yeah! He’s not after us now, he’s after the Team Rocket members now!” said Brock.

“That’s right, he’s after us now!” Giovanni exclaimed a day later.

BLACKADDER: “And several pieces of cheese later as well.”

JESSIE: “And several appointments with Cheesefreaks Anonymous in the near future.”

“First Lance is struck down, and now some other guards?”

“Those Golbats are really bitey today,” remarked Domino. “More cheese, sir?”

“That’s right,” said Giovanni. He stuffed a hunk of cheese into his mouth. “We must think as the great minds thought.”

CAT as Giovanni: “So let’s go sit in the bathtub and shout ‘Eureka!’”

He chewed, deep in thought. “Like the ancient cultures that sacrificed animals. We must kill the Golbats!”

“Do you think that’s really prerequisite, sir?” asked Domino. “I mean, shouldn’t we just get more protection?”

“Protection my @$$,” said Giovanni, eating yet more cheese.

JESSIE: “Didn’t think you could pronounce that as something even close to ass.”

“We need to get rid of them so we don’t miss any. By tonight, this place should be Golbat-free!”

By that night, the Golbats were all confined in a windowless room with plenty of food and water to fortify all of them. And no ways out.

BLACKADDER: “So no fresh air? That’s nice of them.”

Giovanni didn’t want to take any chances, but Domino wouldn’t let him kill any. Even all the doors and windows and, well, everything was barred shut. There was no way in… or out.

VEGETA: “If I was Giovanni, I would’ve seriously wondered why Domino wants the Golbat to live.”

“There,” said Mondo. “All protection systems enabled. These Golbats are going nowhere.”

Night crept up on the Team Rocket headquarters. Each member was content knowing they would sleep in peace. They didn’t know a thing. Not even Jessie knew what was happening to the rest of Team Rocket.

CAT: “Not even God did.”

The next victims were to be Cassidy and Butch. They had been downgraded to the second-lowest level and were some of the closest things to James and Mondo.

JESSIE: “Even closer to him than his bottlecap collection? I don’t think so.”

The plan: Start with the guards. Then the RocketMen. Then the lower-ranking members, working up from them to Domino and Giovanni, then James and Mondo.

BLACKADDER: “Those dunderheads are higher in rank than the boss?!”

Butch was in a separate dormitory. He had been a victim about two minutes earlier, and was lying in his bed, unconscious, with blood-stained hair, skin, pillows, and sheets. It was happening. He had been struck worse than the guards.

JESSIE: “Strange, but I can’t be bothered by it.”

Cassidy lay awake in her small bed, watching the moonlight filter through the barred window with two-ply glass. She heaved a sigh, wondering what would happen if the traps didn’t work. Finally, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. Nearly.

A small yet startling noise aroused her from her sleeping. A shadow loomed over her.

VEGETA as shadow: “Boo!”

Cassidy stirred in her bed, thinking it was Butch, telling her that she was safe and the HQ no longer needed to be locked. Instead, she turned over in her bed and felt hands carressing her hair, stroking it as if she were a cat.

CAT as person: “Gooooood kitty-cat.”

Cassidy stirred again, then opened her eyes to look at the handsomest human face in the world,

BLACKADDER: Written by the stupidest author in the world.”

staring at her with his sapphire-blue eyes. A wicked grin was on his face.

“You are so handsome,” Cassidy breathed. She looked as if she were about to kiss him.

“You are very beautiful,” lied MM in a seductive voice. Any female would believe him when he said it that way.

CAT: “I wouldn’t.”

JESSIE: “Neither would me.”

VEGETA: “I most definitely wouldn’t.”

JESSIE: “You’re not a girl!”

VEGETA nervous: “Oh, er yes. Ahahaha.”

“You must be a vision of some sort,” said Cassidy. “Such stunning resplendence doesn’t exist in real life. Are you an angel?”

“No,” said Myotismon, closing in on Cassidy. “I am your worst nightmare.”

BLACKADDER: “Same thing.”

The last thing Cassidy felt before she blacked out was a piercing sensation in her neck.

VEGETA: “Is his aim bad or what?”

She collapsed and fell off the bed. One part of the white sheets was stained.

And with the blood, MM wrote a message. On the sheets. And it was in Digicode. Only one member understood Digicode. And he was…

CAT: “A complete moron?”

JESSIE: “That’s quite some blood she has in her.”

“Mondo!” James cried out the next evening, when everything was taken down. All protection systems had failed. “Can you read this message?”

VEGETA as Mondo: “Why, sure! Er, let me see ‘Say hello to the honourable pink elephant or your cake gets covered with banana!’”

BLACKADDER as James: “Right. Doctor!”

“Yes, partner,” said Mondo. He scrutinized every detail of the message. Some parts were smudged, but he was still able to comprehend every single symbol and its translation. “James? Giovanni? Domino? This was no Golbat. In fact, all the Zubats and Golbats were mysteriously stolen!”

“WHAT??!!” Giovanni spit out his cheese onto the floor. “How the hell did that happen?”

CAT: “Help from the inside, obviously.”

“And what does the message say?” asked Domino.

“Well,” Mondo stated, “the message basically says that no member of Team Rocket can match the power of this thing called Myotismon. Who or what is that?”

JESSIE: “Why did he have to write that in blood? What happened to ink?”

VEGETA: “Well, blood leaves a more terrifying impression than ink. I should know, I used lots of times.”

“I think it’s a pokemon no one knows about,” said James.

Domino took out her pokemon analyzer thingy. [A/N: I forgot what it’s called. Ash has one.]

BLACKADDER: “One what? Braincell?”

CAT: “I think the author should’ve watched at least ONE episode of Pokémon before writing a fic.”

This one was more advanced. It also analyzed digimon. It beeped, then searched its files. “No data found,” it said.

“Well we must go outside,” said James. “We have that mission to go on in Saffron City tonight. After the success we had in Celadon—“

“James,” Domino pointed out, “it was just a bunch of stupid smelly grass pokemon.”

JESSIE: “What? How did he do that? We tried that hundreds of times!”

“And we stole them!” James exclaimed. “Anyway, we better get into the jet.”

JESSIE: “He gets to go in the JET?!”

“Is there any cheese aboard?” asked Giovanni.

“A gourmet cheese dinner,” said Mondo, noticing Giovanni’s mouth watering.

BLACKADDER: “I almost hope it’s because of Mondo, I really do.”

Two minutes later, they were all on their way to Kanto, unaware that they would make an unexpected stop at Maiden’s Rock for that festival thing.

JESSIE: “If they show James falling in love with that sad ghost girl again, I’m complaining!”

CAT: “You already are.”

JESSIE: “Then I’ll complain even more!”

It was near the end of July, and that was when the festival would be taking place.

“We must go to Maiden’s Rock,” said a ton of Bakemon. “There’s a ghost there, you know, and you know how she loves to find her husband.”

“Duh, I’d make a good husband,” said another Bakemon.

VEGETA: “If you go for the unwashed, undead kinda guy.”

CAT under her breath: “Like you do.”

VEGETA: “What? What was that?”

CAT: “Er, I said, like some do.”

“Excellent!” exclaimed Myotismon. “A ghost festival? We’ll scare the hell out of the crowds and find the eighth child! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

BLACKADDER: “That’s menacing laughter? *I* can do better.”

“You’re still looking for that eighth child?” asked Jessie.

The Bakemon, all 600 of them, flew around the underground headquarters and then zoomed outwards to Kanto. Team Rocket Mon followed close behind in the flying stagecoach, spreading fog where they went.

VEGETA: “My kind of ride. Though I would’ve gone for spreading fear where I went.”

All the Zubats and Golbats followed close behind.

At eight at night, possibly later than that,

JESSIE: “Since Giovanni doesn’t know how to tell time.”

the Rocket Jet flew over the festival when it ran out of gas. It dropped into the water at an alarming speed and sank to the bottom. Luckily, all the members of Team Rocket who were in there swam to the surface. Giovanni emerged first.

CAT as Giovanni: “Alright, who forgot to fill the gas tank?”

“Look, there’s Spain!” one of the people on shore pointed out. [A/N: You know, like in that “Yo mama so fat…” thing?]

BLACKADDER: “Am I the only one who hasn’t got a clue on what’s going on?”

VEGETA: “I’m with you. It’s probably one of those weird human jokes.”

“Looks more like a beach ball to me,” said another person.

Then James, Mondo, and Domino floated to the surface. They and Giovanni started swimming to shore, wading at a mere fifteen feet from the surface.

JESSIE: “They waded in fifteen feet deep water? What kind of freaky long legs have those guys got?”

“No, just a fat man,” said a woman. “Hey, you! Here to join the ghost festival?”

“Perfect! These people have a lot of pokemon to steal!” James exclaimed.

“And a whole lot of cheese!” Giovanni added, his mouth watering.

CAT: “This Giovanni’s a cheese freak was fun when it started, but now it’s downright scary.”

The moon was being clouded over, and a wind was blowing. The torches and stuff like that were nearly put out. The people crowded to each side of the road, knocking down a ton of food booths and stuff like that.

“Those better not be cheese booths!” Giovanni threatened.

BLACKADDER as person: “What’re you gonna do? Tell your mommy?”

A huge chorus of screaming erupted from the large crowd as fog rolled in from the shore,

VEGETA: “I don’t see why they should do that. Unless it’s killer fog.”

followed by that Devidramon-drowned stagecoach and the Bakemon, Zubats, and Golbats. The Bakemon were the most excited, and they zoomed around the streets and the beach, searching for the ghost of the maiden.

JESSIE: “Woo boy, that maiden won’t know what’s coming for her.”

“What’s going on?” asked a little girl, clutching her mother’s hand.

“You foolish humans!” exclaimed Myotismon’s voice. “You think ghosts and the supernatural is a frivolous thing, huh?”

VEGETA as Myotismon: “Because then you’re absolutely right!”