This section MSTed by Draco the Lizard

All was a mess on the good ol’ satellite of Love. No surprise with tons and TONS of fictional characters and real life people running about the place, acting like mad men. And women, for that matter. It became even worse when the annoying chirpy sound of the fic-senders went off.

“CAT! Take some time of molesting Giles and answer the call!” Ant shouted, busy trying to chat up Bulma, so far unsuccesful.

“Shut up!” Cat shouted back, getting of Giles, who she had just wrestled down on the broken sofa. Giles sighed happily and ran away, before she’d change her mind again. Cat pushed her way through the characters, and reached to control panel. “What is it

now?” She almost snarled.

The mecha wolf raised an eyebrow. “Catty today, aren’t we? What’s wrong, Giles managed to get away again? By the way, I’d appreciate it if you kept him in one piece. I have plans for him later.” Cyberwulf grinned. “How’s my brother doing up there?”

Cat looked around. “Dunno, he hasn’t come out of the theatre yet.”

Cyberwulf looked thoughtful. “Well, when he gets out, say ‘hi’ from me, will you?”

“That’s all then?” Cat looked relieved. Maybe she’d be able to something more to Giles then just tackling him to the floor.

“No, no, there’s another chapter lined up. Chapter fifteen already, quite an accomplishment so far, and no one has lost their sanity yet.”

Cat grinned. “Well, we have tons of experience.”

“That may be, but the boss isn’t too happy. He threatened to throw out all my Buffy tapes if I didn’t drive someone mad soon. So, who was in last time?” The wulf asked.

Cat thought for a moment. “Well, Giles was. Your brother, Jessie and Edmund Blackadder.”

Cyberwulf considered this. “Right, send in Eddie, along with three others, and I’ll start the fic.”

Cat looked hesitant. “Which Eddie? We have at least two of them. One of ‘em is chasing Jessie around, asking where she got her ‘absolutely fabulous’ outfits from and the other one’s been stealing from Spike’s drink supply and hogging the telly to watch Emmerdale Farm.”

“Edmund Blackadder, obviously. He was in there the last chapter, so two chapters with hardly a break in between will drive him mad.”

Cat shut down the monitor and went off to look for Edmund. He was writing down insults to use on Percy and Baldrick when he got back and made up quite a lot of excuses not to go in, until Cat accused him of being a coward and threatening to tell Queen Elizabeth about his schemes after which Blackadder gave in.

Cat sighed. “I’ll leave it to you to find the other three riffers, I’ll just go and start a ‘Giles Lovers Club’ while you’re gone.” Then she left, to find Jessie to start the fan club, leaving Edmund to glare at her.

“Glaring won’t get you anywhere, you know.” Spike noted, who seemingly came out of nowhere. “Not if you can’t hurt her.”

“You would know, since you couldn’t hurt a lonely virgin with a heaving bosom, lost in a dark forest even if she begged you to with your brain as twisted as it is.” Edmund replied.

“I could so hurt a virgin!” Spike snarled. When he saw Edmund mocking expression, he shrugged. “If she was demonic.”

Edmund put his arm around Spike (Draco’s note: In a strictly friendly, not at all dodgy way) (kojiro’s note: damn! *snaps fingers*) and dragged him away. “Say, how about you, me and some other men go in the theatre? I don’t want to go in with all those annoying women with their paper fans and ego destroying comments.”

Spike grinned. “You got that right mate. We’ll drag in the first men we see.” His eyes fell on James and Ron Weasley, who were talking to each other, James hanging on to Ron’s every word.

Edmund snorted. “I thought you said men, not cowards and dress-wearing gits? Oh well, I suppose they’ll do. Barely.”

“So how is it really in the Forbidden Forest? Any werewolves?” James asked eagerly.

“Well, it’s a bit scary, there’re too many spiders for my liking but apart from that it’s wicked, if you ignore the spiders.” The redhead’s face fell a little. “Which is hard to do when there’s a huge one right in front of you.”

“Yeah! I was really scared by that. Lucky that car came, wasn’t it? What happened to it after it saved you?” The answer to this question would always remain a mystery, since Edmund grabbed both of them by the collars and dragged them to the theatre.

“What are you doing? The fic alarm hasn’t even gone off!” James whined, wanting to hear the answer to his previous question.

“Let’s just say I’m psychic.” Spike said, shutting the youg man up with a glare.

Ron was shoved in first and screamed in horror, scaring James into jumping into Edmund’s arms, who promptly let him fall on the floor. “Come on, the fic hasn’t even started.” Spike told the boy and shoved him further.

“Whaaa!” The wizard in training screamed. “Mommy! Help me! There’s a big spider in there!” He screamed some more, turned around and tried to run out of the theatre, stopped by Spike.

“He’s right.” Spike said. “Spider Mastermind’s still in here. Hey, get out! Take your afternoon naps some place else, you overgrown tarantula!”

The spider slowly woke up and looked grumpy. “Fine, you try to get some sleep when you can’t find a proper bed.” He muttered when he walked out the theatre, past Ron who was paler than a ghost. Just then, the fic alarm went off, causing Ron to jump and hide under the theatre chairs.

“This is the boy who’s going to help fight Voldemort?” Edmund mocked the young boy, who was still shivering under the chairs.

“Don’t say the name!” James and Ron both said in unison, with trembling voices.

Spike sighed and took a seat, dragging Ron out of his hiding place. “You’re what, fifteen years old? If you don’t act a bit more masculine, we’re going to tell Hermione about you, you know.”

Edmund looked at James. “Same goes to you, except we, of course, inform Jessie of your dangerous Harry Potter addiction.”

James and Ron tried to look brave and looked at screen, as the fic began

A/N: Ok, I’m sorry about that extra-short chapter but I have a good explanation. 

SPIKE as author: “I was kidnapped by a horde of angry flamers.”

BLACKADDER: “Certainly a believable explanation.”

As we all know, the key to writing a good Fanfiction story is a heaping load of sugar, at once, and a whole lot of boredom.

JAMES: “So that’s what was missing! I wondered why my stories were so bad.”

SPIKE: “YOU write fanfics?”

JAMES: “Er, well, erm.”

SPIKE: “I am looking forward to riffing YOUR fics real soon.”

I got the boredom, but since I gave up junk food on weekdays for a couple of months my sugar intake is extremely low, except on Sundays.  And on Sundays, I’m usually finishing copying The Digi Story 2 from the blue notebook onto MS Word, so I only have so much Sunday left after that.  And on weekdays, I can’t have junk food, and I hardly have any crossover finished. 

RON: “Wasn’t this her first?”

JAMES: “No, she did a lot, said so in the first chapter.”

RON: “You’d think practice would make perfect, but that’s obviously not the case here.”

So then I have to slave my low-sugar butt off in front of the comp, but after finishing up a load of homework.  And by then, it’s usually bedtime.  Now you know how the cycle goes?  But I swear I’ll be back to my old self in April.  Until then, have sorta low expectations.  Bear with me, OK?  And here is a nice long (almost 5000-word)

BLACKADDER (groans): “Nice and long should not be in one sentence. Well, not in a fanfic. Otherwise it’s acceptible.”

chapter, in honor of welcoming a very good friend of mine back to FF.net!

Chapter 15

Domino’s Secret

SPIKE: “This better be a good secret, because I’m not going to read 5000 words to find out she still wets her bed.”

It all started that day when Domino was attacked by the Drowzee.  She was back to normal the next day, only she seemed to have some sort of hangover and couldn’t remember anything from the day before. 

RON: “I wouldn’t call that normal.”

JAMES: “It is for Spike.”

SPIKE: “USED to be normal. Some gimp has been stealing from my alcohol supply, but I’ve got a trap set. When he tries to nick something, a cage drops on him and he won’t be able to escape.”

JAMES: “Did Meowth help you with that? Sounds like him.”

SPIKE: “Yeah, he was little ticked off my drinks were gone. He said he needed some after he heard about that catnip chapter.”

All she remembered was presenting the pokemon to Giovanni.  Then something happened to her that made her go away from the TR HQ, only she couldn’t remember it at all.

BLACKADDER: “A very bad map? Presumely drawn by Baldrick and Percy?”

The next day she awoke on the floor.  Her hair was a big mess and her arm hurt a lot.  Something was not right.  She also wondered about what happened to Giovanni and the pokemon she was about to present to him.

JAMES: “Maybe it’s one of those memory erase attacks I hear so much about.”

SPIKE: “They don’t exist! Jessie made them up to make you feel stupid.”

She had forgotten about that incident until it was about to happen again.  And this time, no one would be able to help her until it was too late.

RON: “I hate it when that happens. Happens to me a lot too, with that living chess and later that weird Sirius thing. It’s quite annoying.”

Jenny also awakened in a dark prison cell.  Her sight was blurry for about two seconds before she saw a Bakemon floating in front of her. 

BLACKADDER: “Not something you’d want to see when you just wake up.”

She also realized that she was chained to the wall by one foot, and couldn’t undo the lock. She was doomed.

“So you are the ninth child,” said the Bakemon.

SPIKE: “Wow, that Myotismon just keeps on breeding, doesn’t he?”

BLACKADDER: “Like my great grandfather used to say, ‘Make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may have a terrible skin disease.’”

SPIKE: “Like a dog’s bite?”

BLACKADDER: “There was no proof of that!”

“There is still a tenth child out there, you know. Just wait. You’ll get some company soon.” Jenny looked around her.  Not only she was chained to the wall by one foot on a chain, she also saw something through the bars. 

RON sarcastic: “Really? I expected there to be nothingness.”

Kari was in the cell across from hers, also chained in the same manner as Jenny was chained.

“A tenth child?” wondered Jenny.

JAMES: “If he keeps it up like that, he’ll have his own soccer team is no time at all.”

RON: “Quidditch is much better, everybody knows that!”

Kari looked at Jenny, wide-eyed, as if she knew what was up.  This was not good at all.

SPIKE: “I wonder what gave it away? Being locked-up or almost getting tortured?”

“What’s your blood type?” asked the Bakemon. Like an idiot, Jenny told him.

“Hee hee,” laughed the bakemon.  “That’s his favorite.  Perfect.  You’ll be the victim.”

BLACKADDER as Jenny: “I bet you say that to all the girls!”

“Why me?” asked Jenny.

“You’re the ninth child,” said Bakemon.  “The crest says so, you moron!” 

JAMES: “Best warning against taking things from strangers I’ve ever seen.”

Bakemon slapped Jenny across the face, then floated through the bars.

RON: “So he’s substantial enough to slap her, but not enough to be knocked out by a few bars?”

SPIKE: “Substantial?”

RON: “You try hanging around Hermione without picking up words you’d never thought you’d use.”

Out in the distance, Jenny heard something chime.  It was something in the city.  The large clock was chiming on the hour.  One… two… there were twelve. 

BLACKADDER: “That’s only two! Can’t she count?”

And it was midnight. 

RON: “You don’t know that, could be the middle of the day for all she knows.”

Jenny ran to the small barred window to get a glance at the city far below the mountains.  It was night, so it must have been midnight.

RON: “Never mind.”

Suddenly, the Bakemons unchained her and then forced her down a dark hallway.  Kari looked at her and a single tear rolled down her cheek.  She saw as Jenny disappeared down the hall, possibly forever.

SPIKE: “Or possibly for only a few seconds. Who knows?”

They stopped on some stone balcony, overviewing the city on the other side of the mountains, and a ton of people coming over that side of the mountain.  The ones who were possessed by the Drowzee, including Gary.  [A/N: Fine, I forgot about them for about three weeks.  Who could blame me?]

JAMES: “I don’t. It’s only natural to pay more attention to Team Rocket.”

“What the—“

“This one looks familiar.”  Jenny heard a familiar voice from near her.  She averted her gaze from the mountains to none other than Myotismon.

“Eek,” Jenny squeaked out of fear.

SPIKE: “The cat? That would be nice.”

RON: “The Terrible Thunder Lizards are much cooler than Eek. They have a better theme tune as well.”

JAMES: “But you’re a wizard!”

RON: “I’ve been here for a few weeks now, I’ve seen some telly now, cartoons are fun!”

“The runaway slave girl, I presume,” said Myo, laying a gloved hand on her shoulder.  It felt like there was a skeleton with talons wearing the gloves.  Jenny stood there, petrified.  She was no longer in love with him, but scared of him.

BLACKADDER: “I don’t get it. What’s so attractive about him?”

“Get away from me,” said Jenny, backing away until she hit the stone wall of the balcony.  There was no way to escape as Myo started advancing on her with a ravenous look in his eyes. “What, have you gone without food for a day or something?”

RON as Myo: “I’ve been building up my appetite, just for you. Care to join me for dinner?”

“Three days,” said Myotismon, leaning over so he and Jenny were just inches apart.  Jenny started to breathe quicker and quicker and get away.  “Seeing them try to run away makes it even better,” he said to himself.

SPIKE: “No it doesn’t! Hearing them scream in agony as your teeth penetrate their flesh makes it even better!” (sighs sadly)

Jenny wasn’t about to let her slave master do this.  “You’re not doing anything to me!”  She kicked him in the shins and ran off.

JAMES: “In the shins? What kind of self-defence did she go to?”

“GET HER!” Myotismon commanded as Jenny ran back into the castle.

Jenny ran as fast as she could as an army of Bakemon surrounded her as an attempt to get her back for escaping.  The Bakemon all made faces as an attempt to scare her, but she looked at her feet and started running evn faster, swatting at them with her hands.

BLACKADDER: “Those ghost-things aren’t very smart, are they?”

RON: “The eviler the villain is, the more stupid the helpers are. It’s standard.”

BLACKADDER: “Well, then I must be the most evil villain of all time!”

SPIKE: “Don’t congratulate yourself just yet. I had Harmony, remember?”

“RAAAAAAAAAAH!”  A Bakemon appeared in front of her and

JAMES: “Suddenly becomes a cheerleader? Rah rah rah?”

ALL (as posh kids from Footlight College): “We’re going to smash the oiks!”

opened his mouth wide.  He had awful breath and not to mention sharp teeth.

JAMES as Myotismon: “Bakemon, use Foul Breath attack!”

Jenny started running the other way, only to find herself being confronted by more and more Bakemon.

“FREAKS!”  Jenny started punching them but they grew trasparent and even invisible so she couldn’t find them. 

RON: “Hey! They stole Harry’s cloak!”

Suddenly she was getting punched in the face and the stomach and the arms and getting her hair pulled and everything, so she just doubled over and gave up.  The Bakemon flew away.

SPIKE: “What kind of bullies are they?”

JAMES: “Myo’s orders probably, he doesn’t want her to bleed al over that expensive carpet.”

Jenny was catching her breath as she felt something was behind her.  “No,” she said.  “It can’t be!” 

BLACKADDER as Jenny: “There should be complete nothingness behind me!”

She stood up, ready to run away.  She turned her head and saw Myotismon standing behind her. 

RON: “What happened to running away? Decided to have a sneak peek at the horror behind her?”

She lowered her head and braced herself for the pain as two sharp fangs pierced her neck.  She fell to the floor.

Hours later, she woke up to find herself with Kari in her cell.  Kari was staring at her, grateful that she was still alive.

SPIKE as Kari: “Now I can feed on you! Mwahaha!”

“Hi, kid,” said Jenny faintly.  “What am I doing here?  What happened?”

JAMES as Jenny: “What’s the meaning of life? What are we doing here?”

“I’m Kari,” said Kari.  “Those ghosts flew you into here.  What happened to your neck?  It was all bloody and stuff.”

BLACKADDER as Kari: “Like a really gross love-bite.”

SPIKE: “From a dog.”

BLACKADDER: “You have no proof of that!”

Jenny felt there was a damp cloth and felt it where Myo had attacked her.  It still hurt.  “I think it’s punishment for being his runaway slave girl.”

“It was pretty bad,” said Kari.  “That’s why I took part of my shirt to stop the holes in it from bleeding.”

“Don’t bother,” said Jenny.  “It’s going to be like this every night.  Don’t waste your shirt on me.”

RON: “No, no waste it! Waste it! Please?”

After that, it was Domino’s weekend off.  She actually needed that weekend, what with the stress she was put under.  Besides, she was sick of watching Giovanni stuff his face with cheese.  She needed a change. 

JAMES: “Of outfit! So she went on a vicious shopping spree.”

SPIKE: “You’re getting girlier with the day.”

JAMES: “Well, there ARE four guys in here, I don’t want the testosterone level getting too high.”

And to celebrate, she was going to File Island with Butch and Cassidy.  Not Freeze Land, either. 

BLACKADDER: “Of course it isn’t, because that would involve some serious letter re-arranging, you twit.”

This was like Porta Vista or one of the Orange Islands.

JAMES: “I hope it’s the one where they worship Meowth, maybe they can bring me my bottlecaps back.”

SPIKE: “James, two girls, one guy. I don’t think they have bottle caps on their mind.”

JAMES: “Maybe they do, you don’t know.”

SPIKE: “You’re right James, they would have bottlecaps on their minds. If they were complete perverts!”

“Ready to soak up some rays?” asked Cassidy as the cruise took her, Butch, and Domino to the major resort on File Island.  “There’s this really cool place near Infinity Mountain that has the best sun.  We can get perfect tans in half an hour.”

RON: “Or perfect sunburns.”

“Yeah!” Butch agreed.  “I brought those shiny newspaper things just for the occasion.”

BLACKADDER: “What kind of shiny newspaper things?”

JAMES: “I think he means a magazine.”

The cruise pulled up to the special resort near Infinity Mountain (which had been moved towards the shore in the merging process)

SPIKE (rolls eyes): “Thank you for the Geography lesson.”

and the three Team Rocket members boarded and went into the motel at the beach.  Luckily they didn’t know those three were Team Rocket members on their day off, so the person at the front desk said “Have a nice visit!”

JAMES: “What, so we can’t have a nice visit?”

“So would you like to go to the beach and get a tan?” asked Butch.  “I have my Speedo, Cassidy!  My Speedo!”

RON as Cassidy: “I heard you the first time!”

JAMES: “Oh god, kill me now. Butch in a Speedo.”

“OoOo!”  Cassidy fluttered her eyelashes.  “Let’s go swimming in the ocean!”

BLACKADDER: “Yes, yes, go swim in the ocean with the tide so you drift away from the island and drown!”

“You coming with us, Domino?” asked Butch?

“Uh… I forgot my swimsuit,” lied Domino.

SPIKE: “How convenient, ‘forgetting’ your swimsuit. Ten bucks says there’s a lemon scene coming in ten minutes.”

“And put on a T-shirt or something.  It’s at least ninety degrees outside,” said Cassidy.  “It must be sweltering hot in that ¾ sleeve shirt of yours.”

“Uh… I plan to stay in here and watch cable,” said Domino.  “There’s this awesome movie I want to see and besides, this place is air-conditioned.”

RON: “Movies. I heard about those. Dad says they’re usually quite good.”

JAMES: “You haven’t been here since the beginning, obviously.”

SPIKE: “Neither have you. I had to sit through more of Buffy than you did.”

Cassidy shrugged.  “Your loss.  You only have one little weekend, that’s two days, to get a decent tan.” 

BLACKADDER: “Paleness happens to be the sign of wealth and riches. Why would she want to get a tan?”

SPIKE: “Nowadays having a tan is considered the sign of wealth.”

BLACKADDER: “Really? You must be pretty poor then.”

She and Butch left the room, leaving Domino alone to watch her movie.

Domino flipped through the channels, searching for a good movie, stopping at each one to see if it fit her taste. 

JAMES as Domino, flipping: “No, too much guys, too much girls, too much animals. Damn, where’s a good porn movie when you need one?”

RON: “What’s a porn movie?”

SPIKE: “Ask your dad when you get back. If you get back.”

She went from channel to channel, occasionally rubbing the slight pain she felt on her upper left arm.  She figured it was just from holding her luggage, so she ignored it and found a good romance movie to watch.

BLACKADDER: “So that’s what they’re calling it nowadays...”

“Yay!  File Island!”  Meowth danced around in the sand with Gatomon.  The humans and nasty digis were in their hideout inside of Infinity Mountain. 

JAMES: “About five miles away.”

“The perfect place for takeover.  Team Rocket Mon is gonna take over the Orange Islands!  Woohoo!”

“And how romantic!  The sunsets…”  Gatomon leaned her head and put it on

Meowth’s shoulder.  “The ocean…  The sweet taste of victory.”

SPIKE: “The endangered rainforests cut to make those benches.”

“Forget taking over this place; I’m going to the luau!”  Meowth started dancing a fake hula and singing fake Hawaiian music.  Gatomon started dancing with her.

RON: “Remind me never to ask my dad about that stuff.”

“Catnip,” said Demidevimon, sounding extremely serious.  “You’ve been doing catnip again, that’s what.  Hawaii is stupid.”

“Hawaii ain’t stupid, killjoy,” said Meowth, folding his arms.  “Have you even been to Hawaii?”

BLACKADDER: “Considering he’s a weird bat who’s on his first trip on earth, I’m saying no.”

“No, it’s not that.”  The pest sighed.  “I tried taking over File Island and it didn’t work.  And there were seven humans to stop me. 

JAMES sarcastic: “Oooh, so the ickle wickle bat couldn’t kill seven humans? Aww, poor thing!”

And now there’s hundreds of humans here to stop the master.  And if he takes over, what went wrong with me?”  He looked at his talons.  “Did I go too soft on them?  I don’t get it?”

SPIKE: “He’ll never get that.”

“Aw forget the damn past and let’s steal food from the luau!”  Two familiar faces appeared next to them.  They were Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon.  Pumpkinmon continued, “Hey, we just got welcomed into Team Rocket Mon!” [A/N: The two new members!]  “And we want to have fun, so let’s luau!”

RON: “Not again!”

“Hey, let’s put on grass skirts and flower necklaces,” suggested Gotsoumon.

BLACKADDER: “No! Not grass skirts and flower necklaces!”

“And let’s play the ukelele!”  Pumpkinmon pretended to strum a ukelele.

SPIKE: “No! Not the ukelele!”

“And how about we stuff our faces with ice cream!”  Gotsumon licked his rock lips.  “Yum.”

JAMES: “No! Not... Hey, that’s actually a good idea.”

“Insane, insane, insane,” said Gatomon.  “You children should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“Hey, I’m an ultimate and you’re a champion,” said Pumpkinmon to Gatomon. 

BLACKADDER: “An ultimate what? Ultimate soon to be pumpkin-pie?”

“Come on, have fun!  You’ve been too hooked up in evil-doing duties.”

SPIKE: “You can never get too hooked up by those.”

James and Blackadder nod in agreement.

RON: “Am I the only one who is more or less not evil?”

BLACKADDER: “Yes. Try to curse us and we’ll snap your wand in two.”

“Yeah,” Gotsumon agreed.  “You know how much Myotismon likes that hard training.  He should really be in charge of a boot camp or something.  He don’t know how to have fun.  But we little digimon do.  And little pokemon, too,” he added, looking at Meowth.

Demidevimon had to agree.  “Yeah, I need a break,” he said.

JAMES: “Get a break, get a Kit-Kat.”

SPIKE: “You can’t do advertising in here! Are you getting paid for this?”

JAMES (looking nervous): “Whatever gave you that idea?” (stuffs expensive Armani suit in his pockets)

“I have to side with the other three,” said Meowth.  “Come on Gatomon!  All in the spirit of a little fun!”

Gatomon sighed, remembering that she hadn’t had too much fun lately, what with tending the kittens and all her evil-doing duties.  “Fine, but this better be the best damn luau I’ve ever been to!  All in the spirit of a little fun!”

SPIKE: “All in the spirit of a little alcohol!”

Gatomon held her paw in front of her.  Meowth put his paw on Gatomon’s.  Demidevimon put his claw on the paws.  Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon laid their… er… hands on the claw.  “All in the spirit of a little fun!” they all exclaimed.  Then they raised their arms, and Demidevimon flew back about three feet before he regained his balance.

BLACKADDER: “This looks more like some weird witch rite than a luau, whatever it is.”

RON: “What do you know of those?”

BLACKADDER: “Quit talking you, I can have you on fire back home before you can even wave that stick at me.”

Then all the digimon ran (and flew) off, ready to terrorize the hell out of all the people on File Island, and join the luau that night.

JAMES: “Sooo, they’re terrorizing the people so they’ll join the luau?”

SPIKE: “How else could you convince people to luau?”

JAMES: “Good point.”

Domino was absorbed in the movie for about twenty minutes until the commercial break.  “Damn commercials,” she muttered as she changed the channels. 

SPIKE: “Yes, damn commercials! Always coming on when it gets exciting. Last week, they came when Tiffany was about to tell Jeff she was cheating on him with his triplet brothers!”

JAMES: “I know! And remember when they lasted for 6 minutes when Thomas wanted to express his undying love for Jenny when she just got out of her coma? That was sooo annoying.”

BLACKADDER: “And to think you feared the testosterone level would get too high.”

“Who gives a crap about stupid pills when you can lose weight the honest way?” 

JAMES: “There’s an honest way?”

She stopped on another channel.  There was that shopping channel, so she changed it to another movie.  And then Domino decided to turn the TV off.

RON: “By putting on her flying broom pj’s?”

JAMES: “Best not to mention the word PJ around here. Ant or Dec, I can never remember which one, always wimpers when he hears that word.”

Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her upper left arm.  She clutched the part of her arm, but couldn’t stop the pain. It was there before, many times before. It was then she wished she had gone with Cassidy and Butch.

BLACKADDER: “Yes, pain hurts less when you can share it with someone.”

Domino pushed up the left sleeve of her shirt, hoping it wasn’t what she thought it would be.  Yes, it was.  It was glowing red and everything.

SPIKE: “Serves you for going in the sun without wearing sunscreen. Shun the sun’s my motto.”

“NO!” Domino shouted, falling out of her bed.  She didn’t remember a thing after that.  Her eyes glowed red and she rose not on her own, but controlled.  She even broke the window and jumped out of it.

JAMES: “Wasn’t her appartment on the seventh floor?”

BLACKADDER: “I certainly hope so.”

Cassidy was resting on a beach towel.  She was wearing sunglasses and a green one-piece suit.  Butch was wearing his Speedo and holding that shiny newspaper-like thing.

SPIKE: “Which is called a mag-a-zine.”

“Butch?”

“Hmm?”

“How is this vacation so far?”

RON as Cassidy: “Well, we’re at the beach, getting a tan and so far no psycho’s have been trying to kill me, so I think it’s great!”

“You want to know the truth?”  Butch removed his sunglasses, showing tan lines.  “This is boring.  It sucks.  We need some excitement around here.”

SPIKE: “That’s GOT to be a come on.”

The two of them looked at the ocean and the other people who were near them.  They saw Domino running across the sand, her eyes and upper left arm glowing red.

“Oh my God… is that Domino?” asked Cassidy.

BLACKADDER as Cassidy: “Because that little bitch can’t have MY sunscreen!”

“Or maybe a blonde who’s lost her way to the burn ward,” suggested Butch.

The two members of Team Rocket looked at each other and said, “Domino.”

“Finally, some excitement,” Butch remarked.

JAMES: “Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?”

“Wonder where she’s going.”  He and Cassidy stood up and followed her, but just couldn’t keep up.  “I think we’ve lost her,” he said as they got to a more deserted place as the sun began to set.

RON: “Oh please say we’re not going to see the ‘romance’...”

“Look!  It’s Butch and Cassidy!” exclaimed a familiar girl’s voice.

“Who?” asked three unfamiliar voices.

SPIKE: “Is it REALLY that hard to type out names as to reduce confusion?”

“It’s Team Rocket,” said a familiar boy’s voice.

Cassidy and Butch turned their heads to see Msty and Brock standing with Joe, TK,

and Mimi.  “What are you doing here?!” all seven of them asked at once.

BLACKADDER: “Oh look, it’s the dwarves from the fairy tale.”

SPIKE: “Can’t be. There’re too many Dopey’s.”

“It’s our day off,” said Cassidy.

“You don’t fool us,” said Misty.  “You’re gonna steal or pokemon!”

JAMES: “They’re gonna poke a man?”

“It’s our day off,” repeated Cassidy.

“And then steal our digimon as well,” added Joe.

“It’s our day off,” Cassidy repeated again.

SPIKE: “Look! It’s the rare pokémon Itsourdayoff!”

“Well you CAN’T HAVE EM!  Myotismon stole them from us,” Joe continued.  “Poor things…”

“IT’S OUR DAY OFF!” Cassidy shouted at the three pre-teens and two teens. 

JAMES: Anyone want to gues which one’s which?”

RON: “Witches? Where?”

“What are you, deaf?  Gaah!  If you think so then prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“To infect the world with devastation!”

“To plight all peoples within out nation!”

RON: “It’s days like these that make me wish I had brought my Muggle-Wizard dictionary.”

SPIKE: “I just wish I had brought something to read beside this.”

“We’ve had enough of your damn motto to last us a lifetime,” said Misty with her eyes narrowed.

BLACKADDER: “I hate to say this, but I agree with the girl.”

“We’re not finished yet,” said Cassidy.  “Oh hell forget about it.  It’s our day off.  We don’t want to steal your pokemon today.  We’re looking for Domino.”

“I think she went that way,” said TK, pointing in the wrong direction.

Butch and Cassidy ran off.  “we’re dashing off again!” they both shouted.

SPIKE: “Without any capitals!”

JAMES: “Spike, you can do better than spelling errors, it hasn’t been that long.”

Domino arrived at the headquarters inside Infinity Mountain, with her eyes and upper left arm glowing bright red.  Even her clothes had changed from her normal clothes to a very short leather top, leather skirt, tall leather boots, small leather gloves, and different accessories, all black leather.

RON: “Mommie! Save me!”

BLACKADDER: “I think I once met that girl in Madame Inga’s House of Bondage. No wonder she looked familiar.”

The outfit of a member of Team Rocket Mon.

JAMES: “Alright, I’m off that team!”

“Domino, I see you have arrived,” said none other than Myotismon, appearing from behind two steel doors.  “It is so good your team arrived here at the same time my Team Rocket Mon did…”

SPIKE as Myo: “Now all we need is the catering and the party can begin.”

“I am at your command, Master Myotismon,” said Domino in some robotic voice.

Myo strode over to Domino and laid his hands on her shoulders.  “I command you to use your rose to cause turmoil at that… thing tonight.”

RON: “What... thing? Is that Butch and Cassidy... thing?”

BLACKADDER: “Or worse. The luau... thing.”

Domino took out her black rose and stroked it.  “I will serve you and obey you, Master Myotismon.”

The digimon chuckled and dismissed the human girl.  “You will not remember anything,” he said silently.

JAMES: “What, including the obeying?”

SPIKE: “I think I remember an old Batman episode like this where the Penguin had the butler hypnotised. Very annoying.”

JAMES: “What does Batman have to do with this?”

SPIKE: “Nothing. Just felt like bringing him up.”

JAMES: “Don’t. We’ve already got several people dressed in a ridiculous costume with tights, we don’t need another.”

BLACKADDER: “This coming from someone who dresses as women on several occasions, I really can’t be bothered to take it serious. And besides, tights happen to be fashionable where I come from.”

Suddenly Domino came to her senses and realized she was inside Infinity Mountain and wearing her normal clothes. 

JAMES: “Wow, she can change outfits quicker than me and Jessie.”

Her upper arm still hurt. She saw Myotismon and ran away.

“Why was I in there?” she asked.  “I need to know!” 

RON: “Back to philosophy I see.”

Suddenly she ran into Joe and the rest of the rejected twerps and digi-destined.

“Domino!” Misty and Brock exclaimed.  They each took out a pokeball and brandished it.

SPIKE: “I think they’re taking ‘Gotta catch ‘em all’ a bit too far.”

“Wait, wait, wait!”  Domino held her hands in their faces.  “I’m not here for your pokemon.  I’m here for your help.  Besides, it’s my day off.

BLACKADDER: “That’s their excuse to everything! We’re not stealing pokémon, it’s our day off, we’re not taking over the world, it’s our day off. Remind me to use that some day.”

I need your help.” Misty and Brock looked at each other suspiciously.

“She looks friendly,” said TK.

“What is it?” asked Joe.

JAMES as TK: “Well, she looks kinda human to me. What do you think?”

“Domino!”  Cassidy and Butch ran over to where Domino was and found the good guys with them.  Cassidy said, “Where were you?  You gave us a heart attack!  Geez!”

RON: “So why didn’t we get to see them half dying then? A bit unfair if you ask me.”

Domino sighed.  “I have no idea why you were looking for me, but I think I do.  Listen, I have a secret.  A terrible secret. It’s been there since things happened in Leviathan City. 

SPIKE: “Leviathan, leviathan. That name sounds familiar... I got it! That name’s from one of those Hellraiser movies. That thing ruled hell or something like that.”

Well it all started when the Drowzee was stolen.  Erika and I went back to the headquarters, just like always.  Anyway, I was just presenting the pokemon to Giovanni when this funny feeling came over me and I suddenly blacked out when I was standing up.

BLACKADDER: “That’s nothing to worry about, she’s probably allergic to Giovanni.”

I woke up later finding myself on the floor with my left arm hurting.  And I just thought it was from landing on it, but it was…  it was actually this.”  She pulled up her shirt sleeve of her left arm to reveal this black tattoo on her arm.  It looked sort of like a masked demon.

RON: “It’s the Dark Mark! She’s a Death Eater! She’s in the league with You-Know-Who!”

“Whoa,” said Misty, running her finger across it.

SPIKE as Misty: “Cool tattoo. Where’d you get it?”

“Get your hands off me,” said Domino, slapping Misty’s hand.

“What was that, a thank-you present from Giovanni?” asked Brock.

RON: “Is everybody an idiot? Can’t they see? She’s evil!”

JAMES: “Of course she is, she’s a member of Team Rocket.”

RON: “Not that, she’s a Death Eater! She’ll kill us all!”

BLACKADDER: “Get over it.” (punches Ron.)

“Worse,” said Domino.  “You see, every time it glows something strange happens.

SPIKE as Domino: “There’s this weird rain of fishes surrounding me.”

It hurts. A lot. It’s happened a ton to me in the past month, but you didn’t know about it because I refused to tell you. You see, whenever it starts hurting, something weird happens.  The tattoo begins to glow red, and then I black out. 

RON: “Hmm. Maybe it’s not the Dark Mark, those glow black. But she’s still evil!”

I have no recollection of what happens in the time I black out, but it’s always minutes, hours, even days later.  I’m usually in a different place from where I was.  And sometimes I’m in some headquarters and wearing these leather clothes. 

BLACKADDER as Domino: “And sometimes I’m in Madame Inga’s House of Bondage.”

And there’s, like, some sort of vampire looking at me.  I have no idea who he is but I think he’s the one responsible for this.”

SPIKE: “Stop looking at me, I didn’t do anything.”

“Myotismon,” said Brock.  “He’s the one.”

JAMES as Qui-Gonn: “He’s the one to bring balance to the Force!” (If it wasn’t Qui-Gonn but Obi-Wan, replace it, my bad.)

“I get it now,” said Joe.  “I get it!  Whenever your tattoo glows red, you are under Myotismon’s control and you can’t help it.”

“Crap,” said Domino, pulling down her sleeve.

RON: “That’s all she’s saying? An evil vampire psycho has her under his control and she says ‘crap’? What’s this world coming to?”

Meanwhile, the four digimon and one pokemon were having the times of their lives.  At some pool.  Where a ton of people were.  [A/N: I got the ideas for this part from these commercials for “Worry-Free Vacations,” and some episode of Futureama, both of which I don’t own.]

BLACKADDER: “Good she’s letting us know the things she’s ripping off.”

“OK, Meowth,” said Gotsumon.  “You got the paint.  Gatomon, you create a diversion.  Pumpkinmon, did you booby-trap the door?”

“Door booby-trapped,” said Pumpkinmon, saluting.

ALL saluting: “Sir yes sir!”

“And of course, Demidevimon, the piece de resistance… the other booby-trap?”

“Other booby-trap set,” said Demidevimon.

SPIKE: “If the next sentence has ‘other other booby-trap set’, I shall be very upset.”

“OK.  You know the drill.  Let’s do it!”  Gotsumon ran around the side of the dressing room as he saw a fat man in a Speedo was about to go in there.

JAMES: “I don’t want to see this! Why can’t they give a warning for things like this?”

Gatomon strode in front of him and meowed.  “Mew.  Mew.”

JAMES as man: “Hey, it’s a weird looking Mew, better go catch it.”

“Get out of the way, cat,” said the man.

SPIKE: “Yeah Cat, you’re spoiling everything!”

BLACKADDER: “That would make sense if she was here. And even then it’s debatable.”

Gatomon saw the goggles in his hand and took them away.  She made off with them and dashed off.  “Hey, give me back my goggles!”  The man ran (more like waddled) after her.

Gotsumon nodded.  Meowth clawed his way up to the sign and painted over two letters.  And then he painted two extra letters on a different sign. 

RON: “Quite the painter he is.”

JAMES: “Everyone knows I’m that only real artist in our little gang.”

Then Meowth giggled and hid in a bush.  Demidevimon flew through the open window.  Pumpkinmon nodded at Gatomon, who winked and gave the man his goggles. 

“Damn cat,” said the man, looking at the sign that said “MEN’S DRESSING ROOM.”  Meowth rubbed the paint off both signs, realizing that it actually said, “WOMEN’S DRESSING ROOM.”  All the pokemon and digimon giggled as the door slammed shut and locked as it closed.

SPIKE: “Good thing Meowth isn’t here, he might get ‘ideas’.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!” a ton of women screamed from inside.

BLACKADDER: “A ton? Isn’t a bit crowded then?”

Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon gave each other high-fives.  So did Meowth and Gatomon.

“Let me out!  Let me out!”  The man pounded on the door, realizing it was locked.

RON: “Come on, just use ‘Alohomora’! A first year can do it.”

“A little help?” asked Demidevimon.  He took his talons and shred the Speedo to bits, not only revealing a giant butt, but also some things that shouldn’t be seen in public.

BLACKADDER: “Like a tattoo saying ‘Get it here.’”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!” the girls screamed.

The man blushed and tried to find his towel, but he found out he didn’t have one.  Then he leaned against the door.

JAMES: “Trying to hide his bulging...”

SPIKE: “What?”

JAMES: “Fat.”

“I think that’s good enough,” said Gotsumon.  “Meowth?”

Meowth took a claw and unlocked the door.  The man fell out and stood up.  Everyone at the pool gaped at the man.  Some fainted.

RON: “Others were just screaming for their mommies.”

“Kiss us!”  Pumpkinmon danced in front of the man.  “You’ve been pranked!”  Then he jumped up and gave the man a big smooch on his face.

BLACKADDER: “Say, we don’t have those things up here, do we?”

JAMES: “We didn’t last time I checked. But you never know with those weird rifts.”

“Why you little—“  The man started chasing Pumpkinmon around before he tripped and fell into the pool. 

SPIKE: “Ooh, I get it, it’s Homer Simpson.”

He started spouting water and went into the real men’s dressing room.

JAMES: “So what’s he doing in there then?”

Meowth, Gatomon, Demidevimon, Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon exited the pool area, laughing their heads off at the success of their first dirty prank.

BLACKADDER: “Haha, they’re dead, happiness at last.”

“That was fun,” said Gatomon, wiping a tear from her eye.  “I haven’t had that much fun since I was Nyaromon!”

“You three need to get out more,” said Gotsumon.  “I know what to do next!”

Meowth snuck up to some drink stand and into some area.  He took two big icy drinks and handed one to Gatomon, who took a small sip of it.

“Yum,” said Gatomon, licking her lips.  “Black cherry.”

RON as Gatomon: “Yum, alcohol.”

“OoOo!  Black tongue!” pumpkinmon pointed out.

“Excellent,” said Meowth.  “That’s gonna leave a stain…”

JAMES: “But, but he loves her, surely he doesn’t want her to get stained?”

And meanwhile, the other three digimon took some sunscreen and decided to do stuff to people who were sleeping and relaxing in the sun.  They wrote messages on each person’s back, including “BOW TO THE DIGIS”, “TEAM ROCKET MON WAS HERE”, and their personal favorite, “KICK ME.”  Two of them had one message.  One had “GOTSUMON RULES” and the other had “MYOTISMON DROOLS”.  But most people awoke to find “KICK ME” written on their backs in sunscreen.  It didn’t tan, so they just had to live with having that pale message on their tanned skin.

SPIKE: “Or they could just put make-up on it or something like that.”

“What the—“ said one person as a little kid kicked him.  “Kick me?”  He saw the message. Demidevimon, Pumpkinmon, and Gotsumon rolled around with laughter as they started to signal Gatomon and Meowth.

JAMES: “With the cat signal!”

As soon as everyone was in the pool to conceal the messages, the cats poured in all of the black drinks and then threw these things that looked like giant squid tentacles into the pool.  The people all screamed, thinking that the black stuff was octopus ink and then tried to get out as fast as possible when the tentacles showed.  Then they saw that some of their skin was dyed black with those messages on them.

BLACKADDER: “Remind never to go there. The stupidity might be contagious.”

The five digimon and pokemon started laughing their heads off at the chaos they had caused.  Then they started to leave before they were discovered.

RON: “As comedy stars.”

“All this chaos is starting to make me hungry,” said Pumpkinmon as they walked along the sandy beach.  The sun was beginning to set.

SPIKE: “Things on fire.”

“How about we get some ice cream?” asked Gotsumon.

“YUM!”  Meowth licked his chops at the thought.  “I want catnip!  Fish!  SUSHI!  Yum yum!”

JAMES: “I don’t think they have ice cream in those flavours.”

“There’s a party over there,” said Demidevimon.  “Who’s up for crashing it?”

“ME!”  the other four eagerly raised their… um… paws.

“And I know how to do it,” said Pumpkinmon, seeing a dune buggy parked next to a beach shack.

BLACKADDER: “Does one of them even know how to drive?”

SPIKE: “Never stopped me.”

JAMES: “The trees usually do.”

“I was more into parasailing but OK,” said Gatomon. 

“I’ll drive,” said Meowth, hopping into the car seat.

“No, I’ll drive,” said Pumpkinmon, pushing Meowth out of the way.

“Pardon me, but I also want to drive.”  Gotsumon threw a rock at the pokemon and the digimon and jumped into the driver’s seat.

“Hey, I wanted to drive!”  Demidevimon flew onto Meowth’s head.

RON: “There’s no need to argue, you can share.”

JAMES: “There’s no need to bring Sesamestreet into this.”

“But you don’t even have feet!” Gatomon exclaimed, jumping in front of Meowth. 

Suddenly, all five of them were just pushing and shoving to get the chance to drive.  In the midst of all the confusion, Meowth stepped onto the pedal and the dune buggy lurched forward.

“I’ve got the wheel, boys,” said Gatomon, grabbing the steering wheel.

BLACKADDER sarcastic: “Thank heavens for that, now we can sleep safely.”

“TURN LEFT!”  “No, right!”  “No, aim for the people!”  “No, go straight!” 

SPIKE: “I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”

Gatomon was surrounded by four commands at once, so she was all driving the dune buggy around aimlessly.  She drove right over mounds of sand and sprayed it everywhere until the luau was in sight.

“YEEEEAAAAAAAAAYYYY!” the digimon and pokemon screamed at once. 

“LLLUUUUUAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUU!” 

RON: “What’s with all the screaming in this? I’ll be deaf by the time I get back.”

SPIKE: “IF you get back at all.”

Gatomon forgot she was steering the dune buggy and it crashed right into a table of food, knocking over the lights, which burned up some decorations, which caused people to run all over the place panicking, and it finally stopped.

BLACKADDER: “Because it landed in the pool, I suppose.”

“Yes!” exclaimed, Gotsumon, grabbing a huge plate of food and making a run for it.  The other four followed.  Finally, they rested and stuffed their faces with food.

JAMES: “You know, you’re supposed to stuff your mouth with it. I thought Meowth knew that by now.”

“That was fun,” said Meowth.

“I haven’t had this much fun since I was Nyaromon,” said Gatomon.

“Well I haven’t had this much fun since… ever,” said Demidevimon.

SPIKE as Demidevimon: “Like, totally.”

RON: “Come on, he wasn’t that bad. Visit our school some time in a fic written by an American school girl. Then you’ll some serious valley girl-ness.”

“You need to get out more often,” said Pumpkinmon.

“It’s pretty damn good that you two joined Team Rocket Mon,” said Meowth.  “I wonder who invited you. I think it’s going to be a lot more fun around here.  What should we do next?”

BLACKADDER: “Visit the author and put weird messages on her?”

“There’s a TENTH child?”  Jessie’s eyes were wide.  “But there’s this one, and the other one.  How many digi-destined are there, anyway?”

JAMES: “As many as the fic authors want I suppose.”

“Jessie, my sweet,” said Myotismon, looking at the viewing orb.  “There is a tenth child.  I know James has been keeping something from me all this time.  He knows about her.”

JAMES: “No I don’t! I know nothing, I deny everything.”

SPIKE: “Very unsuspicious, VERY unsuspicious.”

“Come on!”  Jessie waved her arms around.  “Lay off the matter of the children and have fun for a change.”

RON: “Yeah, get away from the children!”

SPIKE: “Let’s not be as dodgy as we could be. Because implying you-know-

what is just sick.”

RON: “But I don’t know what.”

SPIKE: “You don’t want to know what.”

“Never,” said Myotismon.  The viewing orb showed Erika.  “This is the tenth child.”

“Her?” wondered Jessie.  “She looks familiar…”

BLACKADDER as Jessie: “My god! It’s my long lost twin sister!”

***MATT/GARY***

RON: “Look, it’s the stars of the fic.”

BLACKADDER: “Six stars? That’s too much.”

And here is what the story would be like if there was a Matt/Gary romance.  I thought this one up because of the hair.  It just looked right. 

JAMES: “Hair? The reason they love each other is the hair? How superficial can you get?”

Tai/Gary would be similar, but I thought Matt/Gary would go together better just because of their attitudes. Matt and Gary were both at the same hair salon, waiting to get haircuts. “Geez you have big hair,” they both remarked to each other.

SPIKE: “You know what they say about men with big hair...”

RON: “What?”

SPIKE: “Big hair, big ego, just look at Vegeta and Jessie.”

JAMES: “Jessie’s not a man!”

“My mom made me,” said Matt.  “She thinks my hair needs to be short and sensible.”

BLACKADDER: “Maybe his hair’ll affect him with it.”

“Yah, my cheerleaders think my hair is too big and I need it cut for them to like me again. 

JAMES as Gary: “’Cause they don’t like me using all the shampoo and hair care products.”

But I don’t really like them much for some reason,” said Gary.

Gary looked at Matt’s hair, then at Matt’s eyes.

“I like your hair just the way it is,” said Gary.

“Me too,” Matt agreed.  “Your hair, that is.”

And so that was how the romance began.  Matt and Gary became b/f’s

BLACKADDER: “Big Fatso’s?

RON: “Blue Fishes?”

SPIKE: “That last one sounds good, let’s go with that one.”

before they both realized that they were straight and that their hair was in love with each other’s hair. 

JAMES: “Eew, talk about necrophelia!”

Matt married Sora and Gary married an ugly Jynx that turned out to be a rejected cheerleader.  The end.  I’m not big on yaoi or yuri so that’s why it’s that short.

BLACKADDER: “That was short?”

A/N: And so some more cliffys.  What will everyone’s lives be like with Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon joining the fun? 

RON: “Fun? What fun?”

How will Myotismon capture Erika? 

SPIKE: “With a fishing net I suppose.”

How will Jenny cope with being a permanent victim?  And am I better at writing straight romances?  Find out on the next Digimon: Digital Monsters.  Pokemon: Pocket Monsters.  J/K.  Whatever. I’m glad this chapter’s going up on Sunday.  The idealess curse is broken !^_^!

JAMES: “Good for her. Bad for us.”

SPIKE: “Come one, let’s get out before the next chapter begins.”

The four run out the theatre.

Spike went to check on his cage and saw someone is trapped. He started doing a victory boogy-woogy, until he realized it was Vegeta in the cage. “Will you stop doing that!” The angry prince shouted. “Get me out of here!”

“Sorry mate, I’ll get you out.” Spike promised. “Er, Meowth? How do we get Vegeta out the cage?” He asked the cat pokémon who had shown up.

“Meowth hasn’t got a clue. De kids usually get themselves out.” Meowth explained.

Spike looked at the angry Vegeta. “Why didn’t you blow up the cage?”

“With all the alcohol nearby? I’d blow up the entire satellite.” Vegeta said.

“And bending the bars?” Spike suggested to his furious friend.

Vegeta looked a bit confused. “Why didn’t I think of that?” He proceeded to bend the bars and stepped out.

“Could be ‘cause you’re blonde most of the time.” Moewth mumbled and walked away.

“Why’d you make that cage, anyway?” Vegeta asked.

“Oh, someone’s been stealing my drink supply.” Spike said. “I think I’ll make another trap to catch him.”

Vegeta nodded. “I’ll help you.”