This section by Kojiro. Yay?

“RAAANMA!.” A chinese amazon was pushing her way through the already cold, irritable and over crowded SOL, knocking over anyone in her way and howling.

“Where my groom go?!” Shampoo yelled, picking up Vegeta and shaking him.

“Well, I don’t know, but how about you see if you can find him in the next dimension…” he growled, working up a small ball of ki. She dropped him and walked over his head while continuing her search. Vegeta looked up, just in time to see Bulma and Trunks giggling at him.

“Oh, shut up, woman.”

Giles clutched his head and moaned a little. “Remind me to not bother next time. Sitting through one of those fics is worse than a hangover…” Spike elbowed him in the ribs.

“Bah, you big wuss! We’ve sat through over twenty… and by `we`, I mean mostly `me`.”

Cat took Giles’ arm carefully. “Well, I don’t think dear Mr Giles is up for another fic, so I’ll help him recover by sitting on his lap- on the sofa, I said, that’s what I said, and someone else can go in next.” The ex-librarian looked worriedly at Cat’s linked arm, which was drawing him closer by the second. The awkward silence was broken convienatly by an over excited Geordie bursting out of the crowd of random people.

“Cat! Cat, man, look! Loads of them are anime characters! I found Ryoga in the broom cupboard!” Dec yelped, pulling said Ryoga into view.

“Well, there are lots of corridors… and I got bored…” shrugged the fanged boy.

“Bored, eh?” said Cat, with an evil chuckle. Giles attempted to back away a little, but failed. “Dec, get yourself, that kid with the bandana and two others, chapter three is on its way…” Ryoga looked around wildly, until he caught sight of the purple haired girl. (“I’m not being stuck in there without at least someone I know…”)

“SHAMPOO! I saw Ranma go into that theatre!”

“Ramna! My darling! Shampoo come find you!” The amazon bounced into the cinema, brushing past Cat very slightly, with the force of a butterfly, or possibly a red ant. Cat tumbled onto Giles dramaticaly, as a result.

“Oh! I fell over! Why, that brutal girl!” said Cat, while groping. Giles paled, stuttered, and generally flailed while Spike giggled in an embarassing fashion.

“I’ll leave you to the molesting, Cat, lass..” soothed Dec, grabbing Ryoga’s shirt and dragging him towards the theatre, catching James on his way in.

*** ***

JAMES: Why meeee? *sits down huffily in first seat*

DEC: *sitting in second seat* If it weren’t for you exsisting, this fic would never have been written.

RYOGA: *is dropped into third seat unceramoniously* Gyaah.. I shouldn’t even be here… this is the worst kind of lost…

SHAMPOO: *sulks, remains standing in front of screen in protest* Why Ranma not on satelite?

JAMES: *sourly* Oh, apologies, next time we’ll make the imensional rift pick who’s popped out more carefully, would that suit you better?

SHAMPOO: That good. *sits*

DEC: We’ve not had a Pokemon story in aaaages… Ah, how I’ve missed anime…

RYOGA: Missed? From what I can see, you live on a satelite with anime characters. Your Urusei Yastura DVDs arrived yesterday. Pokemon is on three times a painful day. *aims a scornful look at James*

JAMES: *blushing, pretty rightfully* Don’t blame us for that! I swear, it was the dubs… the dubs!

SHAMPOO: At least my anime on never.

A/N: Hi, it’s me again. I’m in sort of a writers block from my third digi story because I started this crossover, so I’ll just try to finish this one for fun cuz I also want a break. I needed that one, so now you know. Well there’s not only a battle in this chap, but my friend and I also make brief cameo appearances!

DEC: Self inserts make the fic complete…

RYOGA: Oh, yeah, they add sooo much to the story.

SHAMPOO: And never make author seem like love self…

[oh, shut up.]

And if my ideas seem a bit weird, I think my mind was asleep at the time (or I wanted to go to sleep.) I have another good (and very plausible) excuse. Writing this took me only two days.

JAMES: Chained to a wall.

SHAMPOO: Without food or water.

DEC: And a pissed off director with a whip yelling `Godammit, be funny, you’re our only stars!`

ALL: …

DEC: Sorry, I get flashbacks…

My lunch on the second day was just a can of pop loaded with caffeine and sugar, so a ton of far-fetched ideas crept into my brain because of that. WHAT WAS I THINKING???!!!

RYOGA: Something with too much punctuation, it seems???!?!!?

Chapter 3

Beware of the Snake

If you were asleep before the last commercial break (*laughs*),

JAMES: *whimpers*

RYOGA: HEY! She just laughed at her own joke!

SHAMPOO: Shampoo no see joke…

the twerps and the digi-destined were about to face off against Jessie and Myotismon (and possibly Demidevimon…).

DEC: Oh, scary. *yawn*

SHAMPOO: Aaah, it may be scared at us!

JAMES: *as Monty Python knight* RUN AWAAAAY!

Is Jessie’s dream team about to win? Will Jessie suffer the same fate as she did with Team Rocket?

“Ha-HA!” Jessie laughed. “Arbok, I choose YOU!” She threw her pokeball, and her Arbok came out.

RYOGA: Was that last bit necessary? I wasn’t expecting pigs to come out.

DEC: Pigs, huh? Whatever made you think of that particular ani- *is cut off by an umbrella to the face*

It seemed to have gone through brainwashing while training with Myotismon. Now it appeared as if he were about to eat the twerps. Arbok had rattlesnake fangs and black stuff around its newly red-colored eyes.

JAMES: Arbok was playing in the coal shed again.

SHAMPOO: Maybe he have Marilyn Manson role model.

DEC: …you’ve heard of Marilyn Manson?

SHAMPOO: Didn’t want to, he just there…

“WHAT IS THAT??!!” Ash wondered out loud.

JAMES: Well, it looks exactly like Arbok, but a slightly different colour.. it must be Brock! *sigh* How did we lose so much to him?

DEC: Wonder if he always gets confused at slight changes…

SHAMPOO: *as Misty* Hey, Ash, I buy new shirt!

RYOGA: *as Ash* Aaaah! Demon!

“Just Arbok,” Jessie replied calmly. “NOW WHO’S READY TO FIGHT ME???!!!” Fire was in her eyes.

DEC: Should I bother making an `owie, owie, fire burns my retina` joke?

JAMES: Well, I would rather you didn’t make any form of joke about my girlfriend’s eyes burning out…

“I will!” Ash threw a pokeball. “Charrizard, GO!” Charrizard roared.

SHAMPOO: *as Charizard* Rrrroar! Who put too many Rs in name?

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Myotismon laughed evilly. “GRISLY WING!” Millions of bats flew out at Charrizard and obliterated everything from Charrizard’ view.

RYOGA: Weeeell… that’s not nice, but I wouldn’t call it `grisly`, per se… I give it a 5.5.

JAMES: I think that’s going a bit rough on him, I’ll think it’s at least a 7.8…

“Charrizard, flame thrower, NOW!” Ash commanded.

Charrizard roared, then tried to set all those bats on fire.

JAMES: *as Charizard, camp* Oh gosh darn, if I can’t set these things on fire… is my lighter out, or are these leaves wet? Honestly…

“Let me help,” said Agumon.

“No way! This is between us and Jessie,” said Ash. “Come on, Charrizard, you can do it!”

Charrizard roared again, then finally got rid of enough bats so he could see. Unfortuantely, Arbok slithered right at his face and bit the dinosaur pokemon, forcing him to hit the ground. He was poisoned.

SHAMPOO: He have face bit off, all he worry about is poison? Surely tearing skin more pain, and removal of nose?

Oh no, Ash thought. None of my other pokemon can defeat the new Arbok. We need Onix to help. “Brock! We need Onix to help!” Ash exclaimed.

RYOGA: *as Ash, slightly manic* Thoughts independent from speech? Why, that’s crazy talk!! I’m hungry, I fancy some waffles! Misty sure looks hot in those shorts!

“Brock? BROCK!”

Unfortunately for Ash, Brock was staring dreamily into space, mesmerized by Jessie’s every move.

“Now, Arbok, poison the kids!” Jessie commanded.

DEC: *as Brock* She’s so cute when she tells her snake to poison children…

SHAMPOO: *as Jessie* Arbok! Burn down orpanage and flood old people home!

DEC: *as Brock* Aww… *dreamy sigh*

“Not if we can help it,” said Tai. “Are you ready?”

“Agumon, digivolve to… GREYMON!”

“Gabumon, digivolve to… GARURUMON!”

“Biyomon, digivolve to… BIRDRAMON!”

“Tentomon, digivolve to… KABUTERIMON!”

“Gomamon, digivolve to… IKAKUMON!”

“Palmon, digivolve to… TOGEMON!”

RYOGA: Ryoga, digivolve to… GONNAKILLANAUTHORMON!

DEC: Aww, that’s pretty harsh, doncha thin- *is again cut off by an umbrella to the face*

SHAMPOO: *aside, to Dec* He pretty testy when Akane not around.

DEC: Uhmpgh.

The six digimon faced Jessie, Myotismon, Demidevimon and Arbok. They were ready to battle.

“Arbok, use poison sting attack now!” Jessie pointed at Greymon. “Use it on all the digimon! And maybe the humans…”

“This ought to keep them busy. CRIMSON LIGHTNING!” Myotismon sent a bolt of red lightning out on the digimon.

JAMES: Luckily, all the good digimon were wearing rubber soled shoes, so no long term damage was done.

DEC: Wait, doesn’t rubber make it worse?

SHAMPOO: Er, rubber ground electricity, but it not flow… Why you ask Shampoo? I not even speak English!

DEC: And I’m just a Geordie!

RYOGA: I think the real question is why on earth does Myotismon think that red lightening will do more damage than normal lightening? It’s still a huge bolt of electricity, he’s just making it prettier.

“DEMI DART!” Demidevimon had his eyes set on TK and Patamon. Fine, just Patamon.

JAMES: Feel free to aim at TK too on our account. Really.

The dart flew right into Patamon and prevented him from digivolving.

DEC: *as Patamon* How rude! Well, I’m just way to upset to digivolve right now, I’m taking a time out! Hmph.

Greymon, Garurumon, Birdramon and Kabuterimon were the only ones standing.

“NOVA BLAST!”

“HOWLING BLASTER!”

“METEOR WING!”

“ELECTRO SHOCKER!”

All four attacks flew right at Jessie and MM. Nova Blast and Meteor Wing at Jessie; the other two at MM. The next thing they knew, Jessie sent the Arbok from hell at the ones who attacked her.

JAMES: Arbok isn’t from hell!

SHAMPOO: Maybe he go on day trip. Bring back Jessie tshirt.

RYOGA: `I went to hell and all I bought my owner was this Tshirt.` They make those in Blackpool. Exact wording.

DEC: I thought you lived in Japan!

RYOGA: We-e-ell, I was trying to get to the Tendo dojo, and I got a bit more lost than usual…

“Arbok, poison them NOW!” she commanded.

“CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARBOK!”

DEC: Not `Arbok`, that would just be silly.

Arbok flew right at Greymon and Birdramon, then injected poison into them. Greymon and Birdramon fell over poisoned. Not dead, just poisoned.

JAMES: Wow… I want an Arbok too!

RYOGA; Your team already has one.

JAMES: *whining* But I want one that’s not broken!

“CRIMSON LIGHTNING!” Myotismon attacked Garurumon and Kabuterimon with his attack. Right through the good digimon.

“They actually won?!” Ash asked Brock. “Jessie’s still nothing without her Arbok, right?”

“See for yourself,” Misty pointed out.

Jessie was holding some sort of snake-like thing

DEC: Maybe a snake.

that shot laser beams out of its eyes, finishing the digis off.

SHAMPOO: *excitidly* She Jafar!

DEC: Ok, you two know more about western stuff than they let on…

RYOGA: I got to Disneyland when I was trying to buy some ice at the store, so I bought back some tapes as a sovenier…

“Tai, they’re just too strong for all of us,” said Agumon.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you healed,” said Joe to Gomamon.

Ash couldn’t stand it. “Come on, everyone!” He threw all the pokeballs he had. So did Misty. Squirtel, Chickereeta,

DEC: This is what happens when you try to spell Pokemon names by ear.

RYOGA: Or try to type them *with* your ears.

Trotodile, Cyndoquill, Bulbasaur, Staryu, Starmie, Psyduck and Goldeen came out of the pokeballs. Pikachu ran out with them.

“This should be easy,” Jessie murmured.

“Oh look, an army,” said Myotismon. “It looks like we’re outnumbered. Will we surrender, or how about we ATTACK!”

Jessie took her snake thing

DEC: *giggle*

SHAMPOO: That could be read bad.

and made red laser beams shoot out of it.

DEC: *more giggling*

SHAMPOO: That could be read worse.

MM attacked with his attacks.

RYOGA: As opposed to attacking with his fish, which was his first plan.

Demidevimon just flew around and tried not to let the pokemon get him.

“Pikachu! Thunder shock! Trotodile, water gun now! Cyndoquill, use fire spin! Squirtle, water gun! Chickereeta, razor leaf! Bulbasaur, use vine whip!” Ash shouted.

“Go, Staryu, Starmie! Use hydro pump! Goldeen, use your horn! Psyduck, get back in the freakin’ pokeball! Losers like you shouldn’t be out on the battlefield!” Misty had mixed feelings about the battle.

JAMES: *as Misty* Well, I sorta want to win the battle, but I want Ash and Tai and all those jerks to die, so.. I dunno. I may forfeit.

All the pokemon attacked at once. Brock was still staring dreamily into space. Most seemed to be aimed at Jessie, so MM shielded her with his miracle cape. (A/N: That phrase is also used in “The Digi Story 2.”)

ALL: …

SHAMPOO: Yay?

DEC: Phrase plagerising! If I see them taking any of my phrases, I’ll-

JAMES: You have phrases?

DEC: Well.. not good ones… things like `hey, you` and `stop that`.

RYOGA: Now, if you look closely, you can see the irony in that Dec just used a line from MST3K…

Everything was hopeless.

When the attacks stopped, Jessie was unshielded. Demidevimon was lying there on the ground from the attacks.

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GRISLY WING!” One attack was left to finish the pokemon off. Bats surrounded the digis and blocked their view. Each one tried to attack, but they were weaker than they were before they were attacked.

DEC: More of the stating of the obvious!

SHAMPOO: They also ten minutes older than they were before attacked.

Finally, Arbok flew right out and poisoned every last pokemon. Each one fell onto the ground. Arbok slithered away from everything, even Jessie.

“Everybody return NOW!” Ash shouted to his pokemon as he confined them in their pokeballs. “We need to get to a pokemon center and FAST!”

RYOGA: So, what, you think the villians are just gonna say `Yeah, you lost, great, you can go now.`?

“Come on!” Misty shouted as she confined her pokemon. “Maybe Nurse Joy can heal digimon as well. I can’t believe they actually won!”

The twerps and the digi-destined rushed off to the nearest pokemon center.

RYOGA: Oh. They did.

JAMES: Jessie got stupid all of a sudden…

DEC: *as Jessie, childish* Ye-e-eah, we won! Now we’re going to take all of your Pokemon… so run away! Go on! We’ll count to ten then find you!

All ten of the humans burst in through the doors and saw the pokemon center was still open at one in the morning.

SHAMPOO: They usually burst in before knowing if open or not?

Nurse Joy yawned. “Hello. Welcome to the *yawn* Jamassia City pokemon center. What can I do for you kids?”

“Our pokemon were injured!” Ash exclaimed breathlessly. “Poisoned! We need some anecdote, and fast!”

RYOGA: *as Joy* Well, there was this one time these ten kids came into my house at one in the morning and talked crap til I called the cops…

“Antidote!” Izzy corrected Ash. “Our digimon have been poisoned by something called an Arbok.”

“This Arbok belongs to Team Rocket, and had these big venomous fangs that poisoned everything!” Misty added.

DEC: *as Joy* Oh, an Arbok.. I think I’ve heard of those.. because, I didn’t spend several years at a Pokemon nursing school.. thing…

Nurse Joy contemplated the desperate group, then summoned three Chanseys and a Blissey. “We need something to heal these pokemon and digimon. Antidote, super antidote.”

SHAMPOO: Tough job she have there.

JAMES: *as Joy* Give them poison! Super poison! Er, I eman antidote, I always mix them up…

All the pokies

SHAMPOO: Pokies!

ALL: *poke Ryoga*

RYOGA: *is mercislessly poked* Gyah! Why do I get this?!

DEC: Spike’s not here. *pokes*

and digis were carried away on stretchers.

“How much is this?” asked Sora. “We’re a bit low on money…”

“No, here your pokemon can be healed for free,” said Nurse Joy. “Everything’s free because the pokemon don’t care about money. Well the Chanseys and Blissey

RYOGA: …are actually hardcore gamblers who’d kill you for a nickel, but we don’t count them.

will heal your pokemon and you can get some sleep here,” said Nurse Joy. “And get some sleep because staying up late is bad for your skin. And it makes you irritable and ruins your appetite! [A/N: That was from an episode of pokemon I watched three years ago. It was something about a maiden rock.]

JAMES: *ahem*

DEC: Aaah, I forgot about James’ sedimentry girlfriend…

JAMES: Shut u-u-u-up! I didn’t want to go! Brock’s the one with the geology festish, not me!

I need some sleep myself. Good night.” She left as the twerps and digi-destined went to get some sleep.

Meanwhile, Arbok was prowling the streets of Jamassia City, looking for some pokemon to poison. He liked poisoning the first load of pokies and digis so much, he wanted more. What better place to start than the gym?

RYOGA: How about that new warehouse full o’ Pokemon down the block?

JAMES: Or you could just go back to Jessie, but she seems to have evaporated.

Silently, Arbok slithered down the street to the gym, which was guarded by two alert night watchmen. He knew just what to do. So all that was heard was a slither in the night. The guards didn’t suspect a thing.

DEC: So much for `alert`.

JAMES: *as gym leader* Hey, Bob, didja make sure to hire alert watchmen? Not asleep ones?

RYOGA: *as bob* Er… yes. Sure.

Arbok slithered in front of the one closer to him. The first man heard a slithering noise and a faint hiss.

“Hey, did you hear that?” the first one asked the other.

“I don’t know; I think somebody’s breaking into the gym,” the other one replied.

SHAMPOO: Shampoo never hear any hissing thieves before.

“I know you’re out there!”

DEC: *as guard* Damn snakemen! Always trying to steal our.. gym… things.

The first one took out a flashlight and shone it around. Finally, he saw a bit of Arbok’s purple tail slithering out of the way. “Hey, it’s just an Arbok— OHMIGOD!”

Arbok struck the first guard and poisoned him. The flashlight dropped to the ground and shatered.

“Uh… Mike?”

DEC: *trancelike* Of all the names she had to pick…

SHAMPOO; What happen?

DEC: *shakily* Er, I think the author just used me to speak.. that was vile…

the other guard asked. “Is everything OK? What happened?” He took out his flashlight and shone it around. It shone right into Arbok’s face. The snake pokemon towered over the second night watchman. “Oh no… don’t hurt me, please, snake! Good snake… good snake… you don’t want to poison me, do you?”

RYOGA: This guard has obviously pleaded to snakes before.

DEC: *lewd giggle*

RYOGA: *swinging umbrella* THAT WASN’T A METAPHOR!

Arbok hissed at the second guard threateningly. Like he was saying, “Tell your friends about me and you’ll be my dinner, capesh?”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” The second guard dropped his flashlight and ran away.

Arbok then slithered over the gates

SHAMPOO: *as arbok* Ow. Ow. This not such good idea.

and started his poison rampaging. He was the snake from hell, just like Demidevimon had said. He just needed to get back to Jessie before she noticed.

RYOGA: …that her only useful Pokemon has completely disappeared? I think maybe, just maybe, she may have picked up on that.

DEC: Hehehe, Jessie’s big snake is missing…

JAMES: Oh, shut up.

DEC: Gio finally coughed up for the final operation?

JAMES: Shut up.

DEC: I bet you’ll miss it, James.

JAMES: Really. She can hear you through walls. Shut up.

The next morning, the twerps and the digi-destined awoke to the early news broadcast.

SHAMPOO: Shock horror! They told that being idiot outlawed! Suicide only way out!

“Today’s top story is a mysterious occurrence at the Jamassia City Pokemon Gym. The gym leader, Cynthia, called the nearest pokemon center and told the head nurse that

DEC: She was a total bitch, and she wasn’t ever getting her CD player back, and that she’d tell Bret she fancied him and then everyone would laugh at her…

her pokemon had been mysteriously poisoned. One of the guards was hospitalized with the same type of poisoning done to the pokemon. The other guard had a close encounter with this being but has refused to tell the reporters what happened until now. We go to our field reporter Jean, live from the hospital.”

Jean was this blonde reporter with glasses who was with the same guard who was nearly poisoned. “So tell me, what poisoned the other guard?”

RYOGA: *as Guard* What? I’m still not telling. Sod live TV.

“This may seem a little crazy, but it was an Arbok,” replied the gym guard. “It had big huge rattlesnake fangs and glowing red eyes, and it poisoned the other man by injecting the poison.

ALL: *blink slowly*

DEC: Oh… so it poisons… with poison!

RYOGA: Rather than spiking his drink at the freshman mixer. Which is how snakes usually kill.

SHAMPOO: *deadpan* Wow, travelling teach you lots, huh?

I have no idea what it wants from us, but I know that was one creepy snake!”

“Oh my God,” said Misty. “That’s Jessie’s Arbok! The same one that poisoned our pokemon!”

“Huh?” asked Brock.

“I do agree that was a creepy snake,” said Mimi. “Was that the redheaded girl’s?”

JAMES: Jessie warned me about this. *coughs, then: as Jessie* IT’S PINK!

DEC: Good job.

JAMES: *flicks hair* Thanks.

“Yeah,” said Tai. “This may seem crazy, but I think Arbok was brainwashed. He’s one of Myotismon’s henchmen now. No wonder!”

“Not only the gym leader’s pokemon were poisoned, but one person caught the snake on camera,” the first reporter continued. “It is an Arbok, but not like one we’ve ever seen. This may be proof that this was the Arbok’s work. Citizens of Jamassia City, beware of the snake. We don’t know when it may strike.”

DEC: I’m guessing it’d strike a little after it raises its head and bears its fangs. But I’m not the snake expert, am I? *looks pointedly at James* Spent many an hour playing with Jessie’s snake, haven’t you?

JAMES: Reeeally, shut up…

The day after that, Agumon, Pikachu and the other mons were still recovering. The pokemon center was also full of poisoned pokemon and even a couple of poisoned digimon (and even about 25 other people!)

“It was that snake, I tell you!” a person insisted as he held out his pokeballs.

RYOGA: *as Joy* Sir! There are children present!

“It poisoned all the pokemon for no reason! It even got me before it slithered away!”

“Chansey, Blissey, more antidote right away!” Nurse Joy told her Chanseys and Blisseys. “How come there are only two of you Chanseys? I thought there were three of you left!”

“Chansey! Chansey chansey!” One of the Chanseys looked distressed.

Nurse Joy turned pale. “Oh no. Oh, God, no! Not today, please not today!”

DEC: *as Joy* I can’t turn into a werewolf today, of all days!

She rushed out of the room, and came back looking

SHAMPOO: Hairier. And with more fang, like he has. *points at Ryoga*

ALL: *stare at Ryoga’s teeth*

RYOGA: Oh for.. I’m not a werewolf!

JAMES: Oh, no. *blesses water*

DEC: Thought didn’t enter my mind. *Loads up gun with silver bullets*

mortified. “The Arbok got one of my Chanseys!”

“That means these guys have to work double time,” said Nurse Joy’s assistant.

“No, we can help too,” said Nurse Joy. “I’ll ask Claire to cover for me at the front desk.”

DEC: …Now!

JAMES: *throws holy water over Ryoga*

RYOGA: Aww, fu-kweee! *is now, unsurprisingly, a pig.*

DEC: Oh. Forgot about that. *is bitten by Ryoga*

SHAMPOO: Oooh, Spring of Drowned Pig. I go fetch kettle. *skips out of theatre, leaving James, Dec and a pissed off P-Chan*

JAMES: …uhm.

DEC: No hard feelings, eh?

RYOGA: Kweee! *affixes self to Dec’s upper arm*

So then, the third morning, Agumon, Pikachu and the others still hadn’t recovered. They had just gotten worse because Arbok struck again. And worse: some people who were with the twerps and digi-destined weren’t poisoned, but lost a lot of blood.

JAMES: Pity.

DEC: Please stop MSTing and detatch the pig from my arm!

“These events are connected in some way,” said Claire, Nurse Joy’s substitute, speaking on the phone.

JAMES: She’s not a nurse, just a random girl. All she needs to say is `antidote!`

SHAMPOO: *jumping back in, kettle in hand* Water for pig boy! *pours boiling hot water onto Ryoga, who is now wet, and somewhat naked*

RYOGA: …eep.

SHAMPOO: Ryoga cover shame!

RYOGA: *grabs clothes quickly*

DEC: Cold day, huh?

RYOGA: Shut up!

“Snake poisonings and what was that? The supernatural is here, that’s what. First strange monsters along the lines of those you find under the bed. Now it’s vampire snakes. What next, witches? How about ghosts? I thought I saw a bunch of ghosts last night in the streets and breaking into these apartments--”

JAMES: …What? Why did they put a mad woman in charge of the centre?

SHAMPOO: *as Claire* And there were vampire, and ghost, oh god! Lemurs!

“We know!” Ash exclaimed, running to the front desk. “We know for sure who it is! We had a run-in with the causes of all this. We were the first ones here!”

“What?” asked Claire. “See you, Susie. The kid wants to speak to me.”

SHAMPOO: *as Claire* He more important than you! *slams phone down*

She hung up.

“GIVE ME JOY! I WANNA SEE NURSE JOY!” Ash yelled.

DEC: *as Ash* I wanna see *all* of Nurse Joy-

RYOGA: *clamps hand over Dec’s mouth* SHUT UP!

“Fine.” Claire pressed a button. “Nurse Joy, the kid with the Pikachu who won’t enter the pokeball wishes to speak to you.”

DEC: Mmmph!

RYOGA: Say nothing about `entering` things, and I’ll let you go. *takes hand off Dec’s mouth*

DEC: Well, you got me there, cause I was gonna say that there must be better things to ent- *Ryoga replaces his hand*

One minute passed, and there was no sign of Nurse Joy. “Nurse Joy? Maybe you didn’t hear me the first time, but this kid with the Pikachu wants to see you. He claims to be the first one here.” Nothing. “NURSE JOY, WHERE ARE YOU!”

“I need to talk to her now,” demanded Ash. “I have something important to say.”

“Fine,” said Claire. She exited the room as Ash said, “What a jerk.” She came back looking faint. “Something got Nurse Joy AND her assistant! Oh no!

SHAMPOO: What could it be? Maybe… snake? Maybe someone try shooting it?

DEC: Mmph.

RYOGA: Damn, my arm’s cramping…

Help! What to do with all these people here?”

“We can help,” said a girl.

JAMES: *as girl* We have a very large meatgrinder, lots of spare time, and an alibi.

“Yeah, we need something to do besides sit around waiting for Salamon and Wizardmon to heal from the rattlesnake cobra thing,” added another girl.

The crowd parted and made way for two eighth-grade girls. One was blonde and the other was a brunette.

“Can you help me at the front desk?” asked Claire. “Who are you girls, anyway?”

RYOGA: *as girl* Random pyschos. So we’re already overqualified for this place. Ow, my arm…

JAMES: I’ll take over. *Ryoga lets go of Dec, and James quickly clamps his hand over Dec’s mouth in its place*

DEC: Mnnr.

SHAMPOO: That bad word to be using.

“Just call me J,” said the blonde girl. “We’ve been studying first aid.”

“You can call me E,” said the brunette. “These are our nicknames so our identities aren’t revealed.”

Their true identities were

RYOGA: International singing annoyances J-lo and Eminem!

JAMES: Don’t even joke about that…

DEC: *pushing James off* Hehe, we have all the popstar you need in me and Ant, man!

JAMES: Please don’t sing that song about rhumbling again, pleeease…

digi and pokie detectives, and their truer identities were actually FF.net authors. They did a lot of good stuff.

They were even digi-destined.

SHAMPOO: And they had rockets on feet.

RYOGA: And they were millionaires.

DEC: And they had laser eyes.

JAMES: And they could fly! Like birds!

RYOGA: *sigh* One day, I hope to be a super ff.net author too! Oh, no, wait, they banned all the mstings… I forgot how much ff.net sucked. Ah, well.

“Well, J and E, you can watch the front desk so nobody gets worse than they already are.” Claire left the front desk, leaving J and E in charge. This was OK.

“Can you do us a favor?” asked Ash. “Find out what that Arbok is doing and follow it right away. It will lead you to Jessie and Myotismon.”

“Say no more,” said E. “We’re on our way! I’m on my way! Who’s Jessie?”

SHAMPOO: A Russian spy! In Russia! Go Russia! Not come back!

“Well, she’s a member of Team Rocket—“ Ash began.

SHAMPOO: Russian branch!

“I’ll just go to the Team Rocket headquarters and try to find Jessie,” said E. “J, you’re in charge. I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.” E walked through the crowds and left the pokemon center.

SHAMPOO: Went to Russia, froze, never come back!

RYOGA: Geez, calm down, Shampoo… Russia’s not that bad anyway…

JAMES: Get lost again?

RYOGA: I bought back a wooden dancing bear for Akane. Aah, Akane…

SHAMPOO: Shampoo have deal for pig. You have Akane macho girl, and she stay away from my darling Ranma. Deal?

RYOGA: You know, if it were that easy…

Claire returned. “OK, people!” she shouted. “We need this place garlicked and crossed before tonight, you hear?

DEC: They’ve obviously heard that Spike read some fic, and he’s on his way…

JAMES: Now, look, even I realise that there are no vampires attacking people here! Maybe the fang marks or whatever came from the HUGE SNAKE!

ALL: …

DEC: So… her snake is huge, huh?

JAMES: *silent fuming*

Also get as many bright lights as you can find. We need to keep this stuff away as well. And if anyone can, call an exterminator that specializes in snakes!”

So the entire pokemon center was covered with garlic and crosses by that night, as well as bright lights. Everyone was holding something that would get rid of snakes, like snake poison. (A/N: What? That was all I could think of.)

RYOGA: *as random kid* Aaah, wait, Mr Snake, before you kill me, how bout stopping for a while and eating this big keg o’ poison?

JAMES: They didn’t say kill, just get rid of.

SHAMPOO: *as Arbok, teary* Well, guess I know when I not wanted! I leave now, you insult me!

Each person, especially Ash, Tai, and the others, were anxious to capture Arbok.

Ash, Tai, Matt, Brock and Joe were staring out the glass door and expecting Jessie’s Arbok to slither up to the door every time something moved. Izzy was trying to find Arbok’s coordinates on his computer.

DEC: *as Izzy* I’ll just use WinSnake version 3.7! It’s the best snake finderer!

TK was hidden in the janitor’s closet with all the younger kids.

DEC: *snort*

JAMES: *as TK* Hmm, wonder who these kids are in the janitor’s closet… ah, well.

Sora, Mimi and Misty were patrolling the hallways with tranquilizers. The others were doing various things.

Every hour passed more slowly than the next. Everyone was starting to get really skeptical and restless around 9:00. At 10:00, they were all pretty drowsy.

DEC: Aww, sounds like Vegeta.

JAMES: Yeah, he always gets all cranky and restless at 9, then he and Spike disappear for a hour, and come back all tired out.

RYOGA: …Oh, God, I want to go home now…

At 11, half of the people at the pokemon center were asleep. At 11:50, nearly everyone was asleep. Tai was the only one awake.

Just as Tai was about to nod off, there was a loud crashing noise. “Ohmigod!” he exclaimed. “Arbok’s here! Arbok’s here!”

SHAMPOO: *as Tai* Arbok SURPRISE! Happy Birthday!

Everyone started to wake up and run out of the pokemon center. They didn’t see Arbok, or even Myotismon or Jessie. Instead, they got another surprise visit from Mondo, James and Meowth.

JAMES: Eeee, it’s me again!

RYOGA: I wouldn’t be too happy about that if I were you…

“Your pokemon center isn’t safe, all you twerps and twerpettes!” James shouted through his megaphone.

DEC: *as James* And twerppeople, to be properly politically correct!

JAMES: I hate when you do my voice! You make me sound so camp!

I’m not gonna forget it, I’m not gonna forget it, I’m not gonna forget it… he kept thinking.

SHAMPOO: *as James* Actually male, I am, not forget, I man…

JAMES: *sniffs*

“That’s right!” Mondo exclaimed through his megaphone. “Prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“To protect the world from devastation!”

“To ignite all peoples within our nation!”

JAMES: I would *not* forget the Team Rocket motto! I’ve only said it for, oh, several years now!

*Thwarp!* “IT’S UNITE, NOT IGNITE! Ahem. To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

“Mondo!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”

“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

Meowth jumped from the gondola onto the street. “Meowth! That’s right!”

DEC: *as Meowth* Oh, wait, we seem to have taken a wrong turn.. We’re in Venice.

RYOGA: *huffy* Easy mistake to make.

“So twerps, we meet again!” James shouted. “And Mondo’s with us, so BEWARE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Mondo?” asked Ash, Misty and Brock.

“Yeah Mondo,” said Meowth. “What are you, deaf?”

“I’m temporarily replacing Jessie as she makes up her own dream team of villains,” Mondo explained. “Now we’ll be just stealing all your pokemon from the pokemon center, if you don’t mind…”

JAMES: *as Claire* Ok! Can I provide you with some bags to carry them away? Paper or plastic?

“Nurse Joy wouldn’t allow that!” J exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Claire agreed. “She’s really strict when it comes to the number of pokemon here!”

SHAMPOO: Never more or less than number 57! Never!

“I don’t care about your stupid nurse’s rules,” said James. “Now if you don’t mind, we’re gonna steal your pokemon!” He pushed a button and a giant vacuum appeared from the bottom of the gondola. It crashed through the roof and started to suck everything up. Unfortunately…

DEC: …a gondala tends to be at sea level, so all they caught were some bemused fish and a lot of water.

“Hey, somebody beat us to the pokemon!” James yelled. “All we got is a big load of crappy empty pokeballs!”

“Cassidy and Butch,” said Mondo as his eyes narrowed.

“Yeah right!” Mimi exclaimed. “Misty told me all about you two!” She aimed a tranquilizer dart at the envelope (If you’re not familiar with ballooning terminology, that’s the balloon.)

SHAMPOO: Apologies. Next time Shampoo bring in ballooning expert to theatre.

DEC: Yeah, like.. that guy we know… and that other guy. And her! Heh, can’t forget... that one..?

and fired. It punctured the envelope and the balloon exploded in a big KABOOM!

“IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!” James and Mondo shouted as they flew across the sky.

“HEY! WAIT FOR MEOWTH!” Meowth ran after them.

DEC: *trancelike* You know, I just want to leave now, I don’t have any good jokes left in me…

RYOGA: Channeling the author again?

DEC: No, not particulaly.

“Somebody beat them to the pokeballs?!” Claire exclaimed. “Oh no. Somebody already stole them when we were all outside!” She sprinted into the pokemon center. J followed her. Then the twerps and the digi-destined. Then everyone else. Yes, all the pokemon were missing. Except for the crappy ones like Psyduck and Pidgey.

SHAMPOO: What the hell going on?

JAMES: Erm, we flew away in the balloon, and got a load of Pokeballs, because someone had already taken the pokemon when we weren’t looking, I guess, and there’s a snake and things.

“Why couldn’t they have taken you, too?” Misty asked her Psyduck.

“PSY-YIY-YIY!”

“Look!” Matt exclaimed, picking up a piece of paper. It was small and square, with digicode on it. He read, “Team Rocket-Mon was here.”

RYOGA: So…digicode means `writing`. Right.

His face fell. “Oh no.” The piece of paper was dropped out of his hands and onto the tiled floor.

DEC: And the fic dropped out of my hands and into the sharp spikey pit of doom.

SHAMPOO: We done?

RYOGA: Seems so. *gets up to leave, walks into the broom closet*

DEC: *sigh* I don’t think I’ll bother next time…

***Shampoo, Dec and James leave. A few minutes later, Ryoga exits the broom closet, and walks sheepishly out.***