<6- It’s one of Ant and Dec’s old album covers! Oh the inhumanity! Laugh at the ridiculous poses, and move on…>
<5- It’s a waterfall, put up your `Friends` style umbrella, and dash through…>
<4- It’s a poster for Pokémon, the 25th movie. Run like hell…>
<3- It’s a sheet of Ranma ½ manga, carefully lift the corner and slip though without tearing Shampoo’s face…>
<2- Tis a shower curtain, grab your rubber ducky and bolt through…>
<1- An Offspring poster! Dude! Careful not to crease Noodles, you duck past…>
*** Scott staggers in, trembling, a little unhinged, as ever. Aoi has her arm around his shoulders, Spike is walking behind them laughing, and Meowth is sat on his shoulder smirking.***
TITLE: The night Spike and Giles got drunk
SPIKE: *stops laughing* Uh?
SCOTT: Heh. Better not be a lemon.
SPIKE: …
AUTHOR: Sanguinary and Rastapopuls
AOI: Or Pinky and The Brain, as they shall now be known.
RATING: Pg 13, even though that means that Rast can't read it legaly.
DISCLAIMER: It would take too long to name all the things I don't own,
MEOWTH: (as Author) Lessee… I don’t own the moon, a volcano, Vegas…
so I'll name the things I do.
SCOTT: (As Author) Mr Garstan the teddybear…
I own the twisted plot, the bad grammer, the horrible spelling and Spike's hair dye. You'll see...
SPIKE: I’m sure… what was that about my hair?
AOI: I knew you dyed it!
SPIKE: Of course I do, it’s not naturally white-blond, is it?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Not cannon.
ALL: Cannon!
SPIKE: Fire!
SCOTT: Seems non-sensical…unless cannon has a special net geek meaning we don’t know.
MEOWTH: Not houseplant, either.
AOI: Wonder if it’s toothpaste…
And please suspend all cohearnt though while viewing this fic.
MEOWTH: If I had any of dat, I’d suspend it quick as a Rapidash on rollerblades.
Failure to do so with result in insaity and a suddenly urge to shout "Dinsdale!" while acting like a spiny hedgehog.
ALL: Dinsdaaaaale!
SCOTT: I love you, Monty Python!
AOI: Spam!
~~~~~~~
SCOTT: The sea, she is a harsh mistress…
A quieter night than most had settled over the town. It seemed that during summer the demon activity dropped to a low.
AOI: Can you blame them? During the summer, all the demons want to do is go to the beach, top up their demoniac tans…
SCOTT: …get a bit more grey into their cheeks…
Giles and Spike were busy eating wheatabix and washing it down with their good friend Jack Daniels on a ship run by Captin Morgan.
MEOWTH: Fancy talk for `they’re leathered.`
Suddenly Spike turned to Giles and said,"Why don't we play a game."
"Play a game? Are you nuts?" Giles glared at Spike.
SPIKE: (As Giles) You know I’m allergic to Monopoly Pieces!
Well, he tried to but at this point in the drinking, Giles just managed to look confused.
"I'm bored out of my skull and I want to do something." Spike was only mildly drunk. Being a vampire ment that he could drink five
AOI: Milkshakes, and then watch an episode of Freakazoid without the milk coming out of his nose!
MEOWTH: I’m in awe!
SCOTT: Disturbing mental images…
AOI: Of Spike with milk coming out his nose?
SCOTT: Of Spike watching Freakazoid.
SPIKE: Who says I don’t? Huggbees!
truck drivers under the table before he was completly smashed. "Besides," Spike contintued, "This is boring. I want to do something!"
Giles thought for a moment that then he was struck by
MEOWTH: …a train. End. Let’s go! *jumps up and starts to run off, but Scott collars him and sits him back down*
an idea. "Why don't we play truth or dare?"
"Achoo! smashing idea old chap." replied Spike while throwing an empty liquer bottle to the floor. "Be careful you blood sucker, glass takes forever to get out of the carpet." snapped Giles. "Good now that I have your attention let's play!"
"Yay! Now which Harry Potter book are we reading?"
MEOWTH: (as Spike) Well, I was up to Prisoner of Azkaban, but… hey!
Giles reached under his couch and pulled out a stack of books, all which happend to be Harry Potter books. Spike grabbed the books out of Giles' hands and threw them out the window, making a huge hole in the glass.
SCOTT: I always said Goblet of Fire was like a brick, now I have my proof…
SPIKE: Hooligans everywhere stopped raiding construction sites for stuff to throw, and took to chucking Harry Potter brick-books instead.
AOI: But it’s a very readable brick…
"We're now reading you dimwit, we're playing truth or dare."
"Oh, Ya."
"Now, truth or dare?" Giles twisted his face into a look of concentration. "Um...I chose you, Picachu."
SPIKE: Heheee.
MEOWTH: What?
SPIKE: Giles dressed as Ash.
MEOWTH: Heheee!
"Never mind! You're too drunk to play truth or dare."
"Am not!"
"Oh ya"
"Ya, I choose Dare."
"Okay I dare you to light a bag of dog doo on fire, knock on Joyce's door then run away."
SCOTT: A classic! Ever done that?
AOI: ‘Fraid not.
SCOTT: I’ll have to show you how. All we need is Arcanine doo and Vegeta’s bedroom door…
"You're on!"
So the two some went to find the materials and then met at Joyce's house. Spike got Giles ready
MEOWTH: (As Giles) Do I really need the fake moustache and poncho?
SCOTT: (as Spike, giggling) Of course. Here, have this Farrah Fawcett wig, too!
then rehearsed with him once.
"Okay, now light the bag, run to the door, knock and run away." "Okay." Giles did what he had to do then staggered to where spike hid. As they watched A hairy, Scottish,
AOI: Polar Bear?
SCOTT: I doubt it.
AOI: Damn.
Cartoon character in a kilt opened the door and yelled,
MEOWTH: (as kilted Cartoon Character) Where’s me pants?!?
"Ack, keep off the grass!
SPIKE: (as Groundskeeper Willy) But walk all ye like on the spinach, that’s what it’s there fer!
SCOTT: Can’t we have Ralph Wiggum instead? He rocks.
AOI: (as Ralph) Paste tastes funny!
Then walked back into the house.
"Oops!" said Spike, "Wrong house."
MEOWTH: …and *now* he realises…
AOI: (as Spike) Hey, wait! Caesar’s empire *did* fall! Man!
SCOTT: So they walked back to the house thinking that Willy was Joyce, making comments about her taste in tartan skirts and lack of leg wax?
Spike turned to Giles and said," Ok. We'll try this again."
"But you already had your turn! Now it's mine!"
"You went to the wrong house. So it doesn't count!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"DOES TOO!"
"DOES NOT!"
SPIKE: Hang on, my spider sense is tingling… do I see a pattern emerging?
"All right! It's your turn."
"I dare you to phone Buffy and say that
MEOWTH: It’s all a lie, the vampires were police actors, and she’s under arrest for mass homicide.
you love her"
SPIKE: Or something more humane, like I’m really a woman, or something.
SCOTT: That would be less humiliating?
SPIKE: Honestly, yes.
"NO!"
"Yes!'
"No!"
"I had to do that thing to Joyce." Giles stopped beside a phone-booth and he dug though his pockets looking for
AOI: …the Holy Grail. But his brave quest was in vain…
a quarter. When he found one, he gave it to Spike and pushed him into the phone booth.
MEOWTH: Along with nine frat boys and an inflatable chicken.
"Oh, fine but I'm not saying my name. What's her phone number?" Spike asked while he reached for the phone.
"555-6758" Giles recited as he pulled a flash of whiskey out of his other pocket.
AOI: Giles appears to have a liquor cabinet in his pockets.
SCOTT: That’s nothing compared to the fully-stocked mini-bar with waiter I found in Jessie’s purse.
"555-6758?"
"Yes."
"Hello, I just called to say
SPIKE: (as self, Scream killer voice) What’s your favourite scary movie, Buffy? Mwahahaaaa!
MEOWTH: (as Buffy) Fright Night. Byeee! *click*
SPIKE: (as killer) D’oh!
AOI: When Murders Go Bad… well, good, in a way, but bad for the… argh, I’ve gone cross-eyed.
I think that your sexy and I really like you."
"Who is this?" asked a male voice.
"Who is this?"
SCOTT: Owing to the amount of crossovers I’m sensing, it’ll be Mr Garrison from South Park, or something…
"This is Xander Harris. Who are y-CLICK."
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Why."
SPIKE: I need a good reason? Can’t I kill without having to justify myself? And they call this a free country!
"That wasn't Buffy! That was Xander!"
"It was? Oh Ya Buffy's number is 555-6759, sorry 'bout that."
"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG!" Spike screamed
SPIKE: Ow! I hurt my ears! Or, er, he did. Or… eep…
SCOTT: Insanity not so fun from this point of view, huh?
and punched the phone booth. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT HURT!"
MEOWTH: (as Spike) What the hell did I do dat for? Jeez!
AOI: …he alone will stalk the night, protecting the innocent from phone booths of evil… he is Spike the Inanimate Objects Slayer!
He shook his hand and winced.
Meanwhile a young boy with bright yellow skin, wearing shorts, a shirt and vest, pointed a finger a Spike and said,"Ha Ha!"
MEOWTH: Gaaah! It’s an oompa loompa!
SCOTT: Actually, I think it’s the kid from The Simpsons.
AOI: If Mr Burns doesn’t show up and sue The Master for stealing his image, I’ll be soooo peeved…
Spike strightened up and turned to Giles. "Right, now it's my turn Watcher. I dare you to shoot at the next anoying child we see."
"B-b-b-but that's illeagel!"
"Not in Sunnyhell. Look!" Spike pulled an old peice of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. Then he gave it to Giles.
"Law number 515- Any anoying child may be shot on sight.
SPIKE: Sooo… why did they never shoot Xander, then?
By order of Mayor Quint. All right. Let's go get my crossbow."
So Giles and Spike arrived at Giles home after almost being run over by a bunch of anoying teenages in a bus that said 'Venga Boys' on the side.
AOI/SCOTT: Name of the devil! Name of the devil! *both cross themselves*
SPIKE: PLEASE don’t do that again, it’s creepy.
SCOTT: Sorry.
AOI: Instinct.
Spike wanted to kill them
SPIKE: Fic me’s doing something right for a change! Go me!
but Giles pointed out that the law only let them kill children.
MEOWTH: Tcch. Killjoy.
AOI: Can’t we kill them anyway? Pleeease? Aww, come on!
SCOTT: Just think… one bus-bomb could save music forever…
Giles retrived his crossbow and they set off down the street, looking for anoying children to kill. Suddenly Spike stopped and said, "What's that over there?"
A young boy wearing a baseball cap, blue pants, white shirt and a blue vest was standing on the other side of the street, holding a red and white ball in his hand.
"Go Ditto!" The boy flung the ball and it opened up to reveal a pink jelly like blob
MEOWTH: *screams* Kill-it-Kill-it-Kill-it!
SPIKE: I quite like Dittos, the one we have isn’t so bad. Better than my damn gay-a-mon.
AOI: Poor Jigglypuff…
"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Screamed Giles and he fired an arrow at the boy. But he stepped aside at the last moment and it hit another boy wearing a bright orange snowsuit. Suddenly two other boys appeared behind him. The fat one yelled, "You killed Kenny!"
SCOTT: (as Cartman) And also got rid of Stan somehow! Or is it Kyle? I don’t care. I want Cheesy Poofs.
But Giles was too busy reloading the crossbow. "DIE!!!!!" He screamed and then fired another arrow at the boy who threw the ball. This time it hit and he fell down dead.
ALL: Yaay!
MEOWTH: And here’s us just t’rowing him out of an airlock. Dis is a much cleaner and efficient way of killing Ash.
AOI: You guys had Ash here?
SPIKE: Yup. Unfortunately.
AOI: Eeew.
SPIKE: In fact, I think he sat… in the very same chair you’re now in!
AOI: ARGH! Ash cooties! Getthemoff! Argh!
A boy and a girl in colour-coridinated outfits walked up behind the boy and yelled gleefully,
SCOTT: (as Boy and Girl) Our outfits match in pretty colours! Yay for us!
SPIKE: It’s nice that they can be happy so easily.
"He's dead! And this time Picachu isn't here to revive you! Team Rocket wins!" The girl and boy did a victory dance
AOI: Yaay! It’s Jess and Jim!
MEOWTH: Hey! Where’s Meowth?
untill Giles shot them both.
ALL: D’oh!
SCOTT: Still wondering where you are?
MEOWTH: Oddly, no.
SPIKE: Disturbing, yet satisfying to see crew mates dropping dead.
"Nice shot, Watcher!" Spike walked over to the bodies and sucked the blood out of them.
SPIKE: That sounds like a fun thing to do. Can I do that?
SCOTT: Not without your head splitting open.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah.
"Now it's my turn! I dare you to dye your hair neon glow in the dark green."
"Fine."
SPIKE: *panicking* Fine? FINE!?!
"Okay let's go to Harry's Very Hairy Stop-n-Shop." They then went to the shop.
"Hello I'd like to dye my hair neon glow-in-the-dark green."
"Come this way."
AOI: (as Barber) Sounds a perfectly normal request, come right this way.
SPIKE: (as Barber) And by the way, I’m also going to shave your head and sell the hair for wigs, is that OK?
SCOTT: (as Drunk Spike) S’alright.
The man sat Spike down at a chair and began to dye it. When he finished Spike looked very weird."
MEOWTH: As opposed to how he looks now?
"Now will that be cash or charge?" asked the man.
SCOTT: (as Giles, drunk) I’ll take cash, please.
"We have to pay! I didn't bring any money!" Yelled Spike.
"Me either." said Giles. The man got very mad and then turned into a big slimey worm thing.
ALL: Woah!
AOI: Geez, I thought Vegeta was bad when he got mad…
SCOTT: Nah, he just goes blond and snarly. It’s kinda funny to throw stones at him and watch from a distance.
Two men dressed in all black suits burst in the door. The white guy pulled out a big gun and the black guy pulled out a tiny gun. They fired and the the worm thing burst open leaving only yellow slimy stuff on all of them.
MEOWTH: Bless you.
AOI: Oh, *only* yellow slime, that’s OK then. Cause green slime, now… wow. Bad news.
"Oh great! Yelled Spike. You got slimy stuff on me!" The two men wearing black looked at Spike and Giles. The white guy pulled a pen-like thing out of his pocket and aimed it at them.
"Look at the birdie." Said the white guy.
SPIKE: (as guy) Look at the pen-like birdie… amazing, isn’t it? We were thinking of taking it on Lettermen for the Stupid Pet Tricks thing…
"Run!" yelled Giles. They ran until the men weren't chasing them then and they found themselves in front of the town fountain. They jumped into it and washed the yellow guts off of their clothes.
AOI: It’s the theme for Friends crossovered with Aliens!
"Oh great now we're soaked! What will we do now?" Asked Spike.
SCOTT: (as Giles) The conga!
"I don't know."
"I know I dare you to steal some clothes for both of us."
"That's illegale isn't it!" "Ya, but we really need the clothes."
MEOWTH: Oh, well then…!
AOI: Didn’t know that excuse worked.
SPIKE: Yes, officer, I know I stole that watch, but I *really* needed it!
"Oh, okay but we better not be caught." They went down the street until they came to a shop. The sign read Disco Stu's clothing store.
"These will have to do." Said Spike.
"Okay I'll be right back." Giles went into the shop, looked around then started picking the clothes. When Disco Stu went into the back Giles grabbed the rest of the clothes and ran out the door.
"Let's go!" Yelled Giles.
SCOTT: (as Giles) Ow, wait, we did that already.
SPIKE: We’ve already bloody well gone! We’re out of the door now!
MEOWTH: Delayed reaction-Giles.
They ran to an alley then started to change.
AOI: (as Giles) Let’s run into the alley!
"Bright orange and Purple! Couldn't you do better Watcher!"
"I just grabbed the clothes and ran."
"Now they're too big! What size are they?"
"X-L, I didn't know what size you were."
"Do I look like an X-L?"
MEOWTH: Do you really want an answer to that?
Giles tried to focus on Spike but there seemed to be more than on of him.
SCOTT: There was also that purple dancing elephant behind him, maybe he wanted disco clothes, how was he supposed to know? Poor Giles, it must be hard being an idiot.
"Well it would help if you would tell me which one of you I was suposta get clothing for!" Spike sighed and looked at the horendous clothing he was wearing.
"Well, at least I'm not wearing yellow-green and bright red like you."
"Now what do we do?"
AOI: Jump rope. Er, or keeping playing Truth or Dare. Actually, they seem to have lost the option of `Truth`…
"It's your turn Watcher."
"Ok," Giles walked out into the open and looked around. "I dare you to go the the Bronze and get them to play a disco song and you have to dance and sing to it!"
SPIKE: I’m beginning to hate this.
SCOTT: I like it. A lot.
MEOWTH: Yeah, now let’s have him hula!
"That isn't fair!"
"But you have to do it."
"Fine, but I'm going to get you for this." As they made their way to the Bronze, they were almost run over by a van that resembled a big furry brown
SPIKE: *cough*
AOI: You sick-minded…
SPIKE: What? What?
dog. When they ented the Bronze, Spike went up to the bar and requested the stongest drink
SCOTT: (as Bartender) Ah… a *double* chocolate milk, then!
that they had while Giles requested 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.
Spike walked up to the stage and began to sing and dance. When the song was done Spike kept on dacing. When the second song was over Giles went up on stage and dragged Spike off.
"Hey why'd you do that? I was having fun."
SPIKE: No. I wasn’t. I really wasn’t.
"Willow and Tara were in the audience and they were taking pictures of you."
"What!!!!!" Spike wipped his head in the direction that Giles was pointing.
MEOWTH: (As Spike) OW, that hurt… why the hell did I whip my head… ow…
Tara and Willow were giggling crazly while they waved at Spike. Spike blushed bright red and scowled at Giles. "You are so going to pay!"
"How much?" Asked Giles as he pulled his wallet out.
ALL: D’oh!
"You mean you had money! Why didn't you pay that guy who dyed my hair?"
"Because I didn't like him."
"You didn't like him! We're wearing disco clothes because you didn't like him!"
"Cool down man you're making a scean
AOI: Mmm, fresh ice-cold scean!
SCOTT: Make us a scean, Spike, on the rocks.
and Tara and Willow are taking pictures."
"I'm not making a scean! Oh wait, I am making a scean. Let's get out of here."
Giles and Spike left the Bronze and headed towards the University.
"I dare you to moon Buffy!"
"NO!"
"Yes! You have too!"
"B-b-but that's no fair!"
"Too bad."
"Can I at least wear a paper bag over my head?"
"No."
"Please! I'll give you my wallet!"
"Well... all right. Now hand it over."
Giles gave his wallet to Spike. When they reached the Univesity, Giles pulled a McDonalds bag over his head.
SPIKE: That… he… just happened to have…
SCOTT: Must work there part time.
MEOWTH: (as Giles) Oh, dear me, would you like chips- er, fries- with that?
They walked up the stairs to Buffy's room.
"Knock on the door and when she opens the door, moon her and then get out of there as fast as you can." Giles walked up to the door and rapped on it.
"One moment." Buffy's voice came from inside. Giles tuned around and loosened his pants.
AOI: *covering her eyes* That is *so* not a good sentence… not a good sentence at all…
He heard the door swing open and he dropped his pants while bending over.
AOI: And there’s another sentence that’s taken a few months off my life… yup, bad.
"What the?"
"Oh crap!" Giles ran for it as he heard Angel's voice behind him.
SPIKE: *bursts out laughing* I like these parts of the story, when Angel gets mooned and all…
But he had forgotten to pull up his pants and he tripped on the carpet. Spike stood at the end of the hall, laughing and pointing at Giles.
SCOTT: Ooo, it’s like looking in a mirror! *points at fic Spike and theatre Spike*
AOI: *hums Twilight Zone music*
"Rupert?" Angel poked his head out of the door and looked at poor Giles lying on the carpet with his bright red pants around his ankles.
"No, I'm um..um.. I'm Budafuco the ghost. You will never die as a vampire unless you uh...uh.. Hey what are you doing at Buffys place?"
MEOWTH: (as Angel) I’m grouting her tiles, it’s none of your business!
SCOTT: That’s either sweet feline innocence or a gross metaphor.
"Um...Um..Umm... Nothing ya that's it I'm doing nothing at all."
"Same here! I was doing nothing too!"
SPIKE: *laughing* (as Giles) Nothing at all, with my pants round my ankles and my arse in the air.
"So, were were both doing nothing _right_"Angel pulled Giles off of the floor.
"Of course! Nothing." Giles nodded his head while his pulled his pants up.
Angel nodded his head and he stepped back into Buffy's. When he closed the door, Spike walked over to Giles.
"Do you think that back together watcher?"
AOI: You… do what now? Eh?
"Of course not! Well at least I don't think that they're back together."
AOI: Ah.
SCOTT: It’s like having a translator, like for Lassie. You said what, boy? They’ve fallen down the well?
"Well I for one think there is a little something going on. I think that it's time that we turned in watcher anyway the sun's going to come up in a few hours so I'd like to go to my little crypt before I turn into a big pile of
MEOWTH: Burritos.
dust."
MEOWTH: That too.
SPIKE: You think sunlight turns me into burritos?
MEOWTH: It would account for their taste.
"Hey you went first. That means I still have one more dare left!"
"I hoped that you would forget about that."
"I dare you to dress in drag and go dance at the Phycadelic Pussy Cat's Club!"
SCOTT: That place sounds familiar…
SPIKE: I don’t like where this is heading.
"No! Never!"
"You have to! Unless you want to stay in the sun for a minute."
"Oh, okay. But only cause I have to."
"Let's see if Willow and Tara are still out. If they are we'll borrow a dress."
They then went to Willow's and borrowed a dress. It was a sixties cotume. They also borrowed a necklace, shoes, and a blonde wig with a hat glued to it that was in Willow's Halloween box.Then they went to the Pussy Cat's Club and payed to get in.
SCOTT: Really, really familiar…
SPIKE: *starts clawing at the arms of the seat* Oh gods…
AOI: Always thought of you as more of a seventies man, Spikums.
Spike looked around the room. It was filled with people of all ages in sixty's clothing. Giles walked off towards the bar and got a drink.
MEOWTH: (as Giles) Aah, refreshing nitro-glycerine…
AOI: ~KABOOM!~
"Come on! Go and dance!" Giles pushed Spike towards the dance floor.
"I'm going! I'm going!" Spike walked out into the middle of the dance floor and ran right into
AOI: A fir tree, for some reason. Then a bird made a nest on his head, it was the weirdest thing.
another man.
"Terribly sorry, baby!" The man was wearing a blue suit with a white shirt and a big ruffled coller. He smiled at Spike, showing off his yellowish teeth. "Want to dance?"
SCOTT: Oh dear god. It’s Austin Powers… *whimpers*
"Fine."
"Are you from England too?"
"Yes."
"You've got a deep voice for a woman."
"Runs in the family."
SPIKE: I don’t wanna make small talk! How drunk can I possibly be?!?
AOI: Good point, you two must soak the stuff up like giant human sponges.
"May I cut in." Spike turned to look at the origin of the voice. A bald man wearing a silver jumpsuit was standing beside him.
AOI: And when it couldn’t get any more disturbing, here’s a second, still male, guy to fight over Spike in drag.
"Dr. Evil!"
SCOTT: *cries* Dad! Argh… I want out… please god, make the pain stop…
SPIKE: Hehee… the idea of me in drag gets less disturbing the more in pain he is.
SCOTT: *whimpers louder*
DR EVIL: *over loudspeaker* Mwahahahahaaa!
SCOTT: Eeep!
AOI: *yelling at Evil* At least he’s not the one hitting on Spike in drag!
SPIKE: Could you stop saying that so loud...?
"Powers, we meet again."
"You can't dance with her. I found her first!"
"If you don't let me dance with her, I'll hold the world hostage for...."
The camera zoomed in on Dr. Evil's face," One million dollors!
SCOTT: Must…resist…sarcastic…comeback… *falls off his chair*
AOI: There there, it’ll be OK … just breathe… breathe…
MEOWTH: (as Austin) If I knew what in the hell a ‘dollor’ was, I’d get you a million of them!
SPIKE: Sounds like a brand of chocolate covered treats.
I mean, one billion dollors!"
The Brit with the bad teeth turned to Spike and said, "Sorry baby, but it's for the world."
Spike found himself pushed into the bald man's arms.
"So my dear, do you like.....cats?"
"Do I! They taste just like chicken.
MEOWTH: Waaah! *gives Spike a shifty look*
Want to trade recipies?"
SCOTT: Yes! Eat the hairless rat! Eat Mini-Me too, while you’re at it!
MEOWTH: I think talking about Mini-Me dying helps him.
AOI: Mini-Me in a blender! Mini-Me under the wheels of a tractor! Mini-Me being eaten by an ill-tempered mutated seabass!
SCOTT: Ahh…
SPIKE: Mini-Me right behind you!
SCOTT: Gawr! *falls over again*
Spike smiled cruely at the doctor.
"Dr. Evil you will never win!" The Brit with the bad teeth
"Oh yes I will! I have a secret werpon that you will never defeat! Mini Me!"
SCOTT: *starts to hyperventilate*
AOI: *pulls a bag over his head*
SPIKE: But you’re gonna miss finding out what a werpon is! And I want to see his brains explode!
A clone of the bald man came running over and head butted the Brit. Powers turned towards the clone and kicked it in the head, causing it to fall to the floor unconscious.
SCOTT: Yaaay!
SPIKE: What the bleeding hell happened to the `werpon that he will never defeat`?
AOI: Maybe Mini-Me was meant to bring it out, but he ate it backstage instead, or something.
"Take that Dr. Evil!" said the British man as he swung his fist at the bald man.
MEOWTH: (as Evil) Oh god, no! Not… the punch! Argh! My "lasers" stand no chance against a left hook!
"Missed me Powers" yelled Dr. Evil. He had stepped back at the last moment and then he ran towads the back of the club. Powers followed him.
SPIKE: (as Evil) I have to go up in space to annoy some people with weird fics now. You know how it is, busy busy…
"Giles can we go?" asked Spike.
"Yes, let's go." yelled Giles. Spike and Giles had just exited the club when the giant figure of a boy wearing checkboard overalls and a white shirt, blasted up into the air. Giles turned to Spike and he shugged his shoulders.
SCOTT: (as Giles) What? Like you’ve never seen a giant flying mascot before…
"My head is going to be throbing tomorrow."
"I am not looking forwards to that."
"So, same time tomorrow night?"
"Your place. I'll bring the booze."
SPIKE: (as Giles) You bring the Pictionary.
And having been said, the two parted ways. One walked somewhat stright, the wig discarded, neon green hair glowing in the moonlight, red and purple dress clinging to his body. The other stagered off towards the populated part of Sunnydale, his hair plastered to his head, his bright red pants and yellow-green shirt marking his as a disco regect.
"Night Spike."
"Later Watcher."
MEOWTH: Night, Spike.
SCOTT: Night, Aoi.
SPIKE: Night, Scott.
AOI: Night, Meowth.
SCOTT: Night, Jon-Boy.
ALL: Argh!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AOI: (As Spike) I’m off to sail the salty sea, Watcher. Arr.
Spike sat up in his crypt, a marching band parading in front of his eyes. And the knocking at the door came again.
"Coming!" Spike yelled. He stomped over to the door and stood behind the door as he opened it. Sunlight poured into the room and Spike could see the shadow of a large bulky person.
MEOWTH: The Incredible Hulk!
AOI: Moltar!
SCOTT: Fat Bastard!
SPIKE: Erm… no, run out of names.
"Well, what you wating for? A bloody invitation?"
"As a matter of fact...." Spike froze at the voice.
"Angel?" The broody vampire in question walked into the room, out of the sunlight.
"Spike. I found the most interesting item at an auction sale the other day.
SCOTT: (as Angel) Look, see, I didn’t know they did these inflatable.
I didn't think I'd see another one of these ever. In fact, I never dreamed I'd see two of them."
AOI: (as Angel) Two Greater Spotted Flamingos! I couldn’t believe it!
"T-t-t-two?" Spike almost choked on his own words. "Here." Angel tossed Spike a ring.
MEOWTH: (as Angel) Spike, I have a question to ask of you… will you take this ring…and… and… marry me?
SCOTT: (as Spike) Why, Angel, darling! I will! I will!
MEOWTH: (as Angel) You’ve made me the happiest vampire that ever lived! Er, died. Whatever.
*neither have noticed Spike swiping his fist at them, and reeling back from the pain in the chipped brain. He does this several times.*
The dark red and black jewel set in the silver band seemed to glow as it touched Spike's skin. "Lets just say you didn't see me at Buffy's last night. Instead, you found this jewel right outside the university. Sound good to you?"
SPIKE: Actually, coffee and a Pop Tart sounds better, but that immortal gem thing’ll do a treat.
Spike nodded his head, slient for the first time in quite a while. Angel turned around and left, leaving Spike alone with his new-found freedom.
AOI: Three metres out the door, Angel remember he didn’t have the ring anymore, and exploded into dust immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPIKE: Hey, look! Angel dust! Hehee.
Giles blearly peered out at the world. Inside of his head, Silverchair was busy preforming Lie to Me, causing Giles' head to thrum like a spaceship. A knock came at the door.
SCOTT: (as Knock) Hi, I’m here to sell brushes…
"One bloody moment!" Giles shouted, "Bloody ponce, damned poof, soddin' pillock, griggin wanker...." Giles muttered assorted swears under his breath until he opened the door. Standing outside the door was a man and woman.
AOI: (as Man and Women) Hi, we’re Jessie and James, we’d like to talk about our shooting last night.
The black-haired man was and the red-haired woman held out badges.
SCOTT: *pause* Exactly.
AOI: The black haired man was the red haired women?
MEOWTH: Now dere’s a plot twist the X-Files fans never saw comin’!
"F.B.I. Special agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. Can we have a word with you sir?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPIKE: And they talked about corrugated cardboard all night long.
MEOWTH: (as Mulder) We need to have a few wiggly lines with you, Mr Giles.
CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~CHICKEN~BAAK!
AOI: Ye-e-e-e-e-e-s…
SCOTT: Even *I* don’t get it…
SPIKE: I think the author is trying to get a word across to us. I’m not sure, but it may be… Cheddar.
MEOWTH: All da chickens are connected by tiny little wavy links… like hot dogs!
AOI: Yes, in nature, all chickens are interconnected, but harsh and cruel chicken farms remove these links, dry them, and sell them separately as jerky.
SCOTT: That’s so sad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AOI: Link jerky! Argh!
SPIKE: There really is no sense at all in that tiny head, is there, Aoi?
AOI: Canary Power!!
SPIKE: Didn’t think so.
The End!
ALL: Yaaay!
SPIKE: Leaving. Now. Quickly.
***Spike dashes out first, but is overtaken by Meowth who hops on his head. Scott trails out, mumbling stuff about parental issues, Aoi puts her hand around his shoulders and trails with him.***
Sooo…
Will Scott get over the trauma of having his father present the fics? Will Spike ever get a day off? Will I ever let Vegeta, Ant, Dec or James back in the theatre? Will Aoi and Scott ever get it together? All of these questions answered, or not, in next time’s Mystery Surreal Theatre 3000 ½!
All done! Review, please, like the lovely person you are. And ficlets for mockage go here: dittoblue30@yahoo.co.uk
Many greyhounds to you, and goodbye!
*************
"Oh yes I will! I have a secret werpon that you will never defeat! Mini Me!"
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