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Right, this is my first attempt at a fic… Well, anything that's over a couple of hundred words and not homework… I don't own any of these characters, even if I'd like to own Vincent Price (think of the party tricks!)…General Mitsky, however, is part fiction, part person I know… so there…
If I get good reviews, I'll continue with it, so I might as well throw away my keyboard now…
Dedicated to my muse-type person, Kojiro…
Feedback... michael.leader@manutd.com
Hmm, dodgy cheesy bit over, let the surrealness begin…
*Vincent Price walks in..*
VP: Hello, my pretties, this is a story of great mystery and culture reference... mwahahaaaaaaaha, now, before I hyperventilate, let us start this gruesome adventure…
*Vincent Price walks out, laughing, he closes the door, wheezes, and collapses on the floor*
**Scene change, a 50s restaurant, onto the stage a balding, fat man walks**
Al: Hey everybody, I present to you, Nicosia, Wisconsin’s own, Weezer! And, please, try the fish…
**At the back of the room, a tall aged man, with a mane of silver hair, sits down at a table with a short woman**
Dumbledore-chi: We should stop meeting like this, Minerva-san…
McGonagal-san: I know, Albus-chi, it seems to me like someone’s corrupting the world and making the muggle and wizarding worlds converge into some music video… Albus-chi?
D: Ah, stop being so uptight, Minerva-san… This is so fun! **Clicks fingers, turns into the Fonz.. goes and dances**
McG: Eh, what the hell **Turns into Go-Go Dancer… Dances**
**Vincent Prices appears, hold up sign saying ‘Scene Change’**
**A White room, annoying music with ‘Babada ba ba Babada’s fill the room, a small man with a mono-brow is singing about drinking cheese whilst spinning on a wheel…**
**Ant, Dec and Cat walk in.**
Dec: Erm… why are we here? Mike could have at least put us in one of our videos, ferchrissakes…
Ant: I bet Bill Gates is behind this… grr to him, I say, grrr…
Cat: Hey! Who’s that over there? She’s not a semi-naked witch person! Look!
**Cat points to a fully clothed girl with strawberry-blonde hair, aiming knives at Kelly Jones maliciously**
Cat: Hey, Mike? Don’t you know her?
Yeah, she’s Caz… Hey, Caz! What are you doing here?
Kelly: Hey! Please! Not the suspenders!
**Caz throws a knife at Kelly, ripping a suspender off his shoulder… Revealing
himself**
Caz: Well, come on! I’m just having fun…
Dec and Cat: Ah… Ok, then… **Runs**
Ant: Who does he think he is, bossing me around? Grr, I say… **Walks after them**
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VP: Is anyone safe? The answer to that question is no, not even those that are trapped on the wonderful SoL are safe….
**A crowded sweaty concert hall, none other than the infamous Sex Pistols are on stage, Johnny Rotten ripping through a song with his whining, snotty voice…**
**Squeezing through the crowd, Aoi and Scott join in with the jumping and the
moshing and the waaah, they are followed by Washu, who looks very scared…**
Aoi: Huzzah! This is so cooool! I’ve always wanted to go to a Sex Pistols concert!
**Moshes and sings to self**
Scott: Yeah! **Joins in… Freezes, a devious grin appears on his face** Hey, Aoi,
isn’t that your mum?
Aoi: Eh? **Looks… Blushes** Erm… nah… Looks nothing like her…
Scott: Yeah she does! It is your mum! I’ve seen pictures of her!
Washu: **Pushing people aside** Ooo, I must say, there is a definite likeness… And
I’ve studied you from head to toe… And I’m the **Jumps around** GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE UNIVERSE! **Grins**
Aoi: Right… Scott, Washu-
Washu: Little Washu **Grins**
Aoi: Fine, Scott, Little Washu, we’re going… **Grabs them both and runs off**
Scott: Aww, I liked that… Ah, well…
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VP: And what of our other Mst3k ½ heroes? Well. Let’s see how SoL’s favourite Loveable rogues; Vegeta and Spike, are getting on…
**An open-air concert, a stage filled with pyrotechnics, Vegeta and Spike are moving around the edges of the moshpit…**
Vegeta: Where are we, Spike?
Spike: **Answering a bit too quickly** The video for Billy Idol’s mainstream chart success; ‘Rebel Yell’
Vegeta: Indeed.. All these heretics and their hair as bright as the sun, that seems to defy gravity itself… Makes me sick, it does… **Notices Spike is shaking** Are you ok, noble friend? **Blinks… Spike’s disappeared** Spike?!
**On the stage, Billy Idol is joined by what seems to be his exact double… They duet for the whole song…**
Vegeta: **Covering ears** Who could enforce this torture on so many people?
---------------
VP: Who indeed, that who is indeed, a who, and a person, too… He is General Mitsky he’s not really a general, but he has a fetish for khaki clothing and has a legion of ‘Moooonnnnkaaaaaaaaaays’ that he forces to wear uniforms **Shudders**
**General Mitsky and his legion of ‘Moooonnnkaaays’ are sitting towards the back of a crowded chapel in a wedding… Gun n Roses are playing in the background**
Gen. M: **Crying** It’s so cute, I’m so glad Axl and his girlfriend are actually getting it together! **Blows nose on handkerchief**
**After handing Axl the wedding ring, Slash strolls out of the chapel, bumping into General Mitsky as he passes…**
Gen M: How dare he!? Doesn’t he know who I am? Balphazaar, Rodney, Binko! Get him!
**The three ‘Mooonnnkkaaaays’ scuttle down the aisle after Slash…**
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VP: Ooo, on the edge of your seats? Thought not… Anyway, what will happen to Slash? Will he live to his solo in November Rain? Will Kelly Jones keep all his clothes, and stay faithful to Bertha, his sheep? Was Aoi’s mum really a Sex Pistols fan? Will Vegeta’s head explode from double Idol screamage? All will be revealed on the next episode of… Mike’s Funky Jam Time…
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