MSt-ing a MSt-er…
“Come on, just stay still, you whining little bugger!”
“But Jess, it’s too wobbly…”
“Hold it for a bit longer, damn you!”
“But Jess! I-“
The rest of the sentence was drowned out by a clatter of falling chairs and pans, as the tableau of James The Barbarian (as opposed to James The Bishonen) standing proud on the mountain ridge collapsed into a pathetic heap. Jesse, sitting behind an easel with a beret nestled on her hair, fumed silently as James crawled out from under the kitchen-utensils-turned-armour.
“Owwwwwwwwwwww…”
“Honestly, James… I don’t see why you couldn’t hold that pose for any longer… hmph, well, at least we have the basic outline done…”
Rubbing himself, James peered at the easel. Seeing the vague outline of a stick figure with two-dimensional pots drawn around it, and glancing ruefully at the pile of pans’n’chairs, he wondered if Jesses skill at painting was matched by her skill at engineering.
Elsewhere on the SoL, Ant and Dec were trying out various arrangements for their shot at the painting competition.
“Ant man, move the cans a bit to your left…”
“A’right, but get that box away from the sofa…”
“Um, guys? Is this going to take long?”
“Nah, Cat, just hold on a bit more.. ok, we’re done…”
The two Geordies moved away from the SoL main sofa, and stood back to admire their handiwork. Cat sat on the couch, surrounded by empty beer cans and pizza boxes, wearing a Newcastle shirt. It was quite obviously a reconstruction of the “Chums” set, and it showed by the fact that Ant, Dec and Cat were sniffing slightly and dabbing their eyes, as well as stamping on the Styrofoam table.
“You know, as the judge, I’m not meant to pose like this for any of the competitors paintings…”
“Yeah, well, you’re getting a loan of my Newcastle shirt…” reminded Dec.
“Funny how it fits so well…”
“What are you implying, Ant? That I have a womanly body?”
“Hey, hey, man, I’m not implying anything!”
“Ant! Dec! Stop fighting! Ant, Dec doesn’t have a womanly body, and Dec, Ant isn’t a pervert!”
“Isn’t that implying that you have a manly body?”
“WHAT?”
Above the screams of Geordies in distress and cries of “I’m all woman, damn you!”, Spike and Vegeta stolidly got on with their portrait. In order to make their painting look extra special, said Spike, they had to get various lighting effects and, for preference, some water. Of course, the easiest place to get both of these was the bathroom, which is why Vegeta was now in a shower cap and listlessly batting at a rubber ducky whilst lying in a nice, hot, sudsy bath…
Spike continued his portrait in silence, Vegeta lay back in contentment, not thinking whether this was weird or not… not caring…
“Gosh!”
James needed to freshen up.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll, uh, come back when you two have finished, uh, when Vegeta’s finished, uh, um…”
“Get the hell out, dammit!”
Spike shot out of his painting stool, grabbed James, and shoved him out of the door, his face red, as Vegeta attempted to hide his shame with a loofah. James was catapulted out into the hall, as Spike’s coat caught a bar of soap from beside the sink. He turned back to Vegeta.
“Jesus… sorry, mate..” he said, returning to his seat, his face red, not looking where his feet were going. “We shoulda really put a sign on the doooAAAAAARGH!”
Splash.
“Oops…”
“Umm..”
“Oh.”
Whilst Vegeta and Spike discovered themselves, Washu and Meowth sat around in her bedroom, drinking cocktails, whilst a hastily constructed machine painted a still life of Meowth reclining on a velvet pillow. For kicks.
“Meowth, now dis is da life!”
“You owe me one, cat!”
“Sure, sure, whenedder there’s a mouse around on dis ship, just call me…”
“I mea-“
Washu was interrupted by a fic siren…
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!
“Shit!”
The entire crew scrambled to their feet, and made for the main living room. Dr Evils face flickered onto the monitor. The crew shuffled nervously as the Doctor stared down at them, and in particular at Vegeta, who had a towel wrapped around him up to the armpits and another one around his hair. Then he saw Spike.
“Why is that vampire wet?”
Silence.
“Okaayyy, then. This next fic you will receive is by, um, ‘ChulaBethJo-‘“
“No!”
“Please!”
“What did we do? Was it the cardboard cutouts?”
“It WAS the cardboard cutouts! Spike, I told you he’d see right through them! Why? Why did you do it?”
“Hey! You tol-“
“’CHULABETHJOLIE’, and is, well, I don’t know what it is. Get three of you in that theatre, I’ve had enough for one day as it is… Mini Me, turn off the set…”
“Eeeeeee! *chomp*”
“Mini Me! No! No! Bad Mini Me! N-”
The crew stood in shocked silence as the sound of static played across their ears. Then, as one, they rose up, and carried Ant, Jesse and Cat into the theatre.
[Jesse, Cat and Ant stagger in, and take their seats…]
ANT: *sniffles slightly*
JESSE: What’re you whining about?
ANT: Just… the Chums flat painting brought back so many memories…
CAT: Yeah… now they have various throwaway presenters desecrating the memories of the show...
JESSE: Us? Make a point? Never.
"Gilmore Power"
By: ChulaBethJolie
Trademarked by ChulaBethJolie.
Disclaimer: I own this.
JESSE: The Gilmore Girls, then… you know, that “amazing” American tv show?
ANT: CBJ owns that? Crikey…
This is my own work. I don't know if that's good or bad once you read this but I claim all responsibility.
CAT: We now cut to scenes of the author being mobbed by large crowds, and not having anywhere to turn to.
This is a piece of insanity, as are all my works.
CAT: Megalomania, it seems, if anyone reading ever read that joint MSTing… *shakes head vigorously* aarrgh…
ANT: Hmm? *tuts* Oh, not again, you’re channeling people…
CAT: And I’m not even a channeler… or something.
JESSE: Wait a sec… do you know what
channeling even is?
AUTHOR: Uh, sure, sure I do.
JESSE: Where’s it from, then?
AUTHOR: ….um…
JESSE: Well?
AUTHOR: Uh… haha! You have to watch this! I don’t! *exits theatre, and to all intents and purposes vanishes*
ALL: ….?
Please enjoy and read and review please!
JESSE: So, uh, you enjoy it BEFORE reading it?
ANT: Once again, the anticipation is much better than the actual event… *sighs*
CAT/JESSE: …?
ANT: What?
***************************************************************************
It was a fine day at the Gilmore house.
ANT: Outside of the carefully controlled microclimate, however, a blizzard howled through the trees…
In the distance, you could see the sun rising. And you could almost hear a cock crowning
CAT: Wouldn’t it be rather worrying if the sun was rising close up?
JESSE: Sod the sun, just watch out for the regephiles on the cusp of hearing…
ANT: Eeew, no king-loving, that’s just wrong…
as the early morning mist dissipated.
<><><>
Rory Gilmore sits in the kitchen on an early Saturday morning.
ANT: Curious choice of chair, but there you go.
It is 6 A.M. She sits, reading War and Peace.
CAT: Like you do, when you wake up and need some light reading.
In the backround
ANT: Are spelling riffs illegal?
CAT: Yes.
ANT: Aww…
, you can hear music from a radio. She hums along to Trisha Yearwood as she turns a page.
JESSE: This radio’s pretty good at generally procrastinating, isn’t it?
CAT: Indeed.
She can't sleep and has decided to catch up on her reading. She is wrapped in a blanket, her entire body missing as the blanket covered it.
ANT: It’s Dec’s Blanket Of Nothingness +5!
CAT: Hey, he didn’t roleplay for long…
ANT: I know, but I’ll never let him forget it *evil grin*…
JESSE: Oh, shut it, Axel Wolfhind…
ANT: *blushes*
There was a soft thump and a small moan and a young women stumbles in to view.
CAT: …
JESSE: Uh, from under the blanket?
ANT: Wayhey, man, this is more like it!
CAT: *smacks*
Lorelai Gilmore's dark hair is tousled and her deep brown eyes are bleary. She says to Rory, "What are you doing up."
ANT: (as Lorelai) “Get back down there and finish up!”
JESSE: Eew! *slaps Ant*
Rory says, "I can't sleep. The real question is, "What are you doing up. Mom you don't get up before 8 unless there is a fire in bed."
CAT: So… toilet breaks?
Lorelai replied, "I can't sleep either." Rory said, "Coffee?" Lorelai said, "Do you have to ask?" Rory turns on the coffee machine and said, "wanna play Poker?"
JESSE: Then Rory said “I like gloves” so Lorelai said “I’m the ice mistress from the Elite Four in Pokémon”, so Rory said “Sometimes ants Swarm in summer” which brought on a reply of “Yeah, I’d love to go Shopping” from Lorelai.
CAT: More importantly, she somehow spoke in the past whilst doing something now.
ANT: Timewarping Gilmore Girls: Coming To A Cinema Near You…
JESSE: *interjecting* Last Week.
Lorelai nods and they begin to play. Lorelai said, "Whats the ante?"
JESSE: A small chimplike creature from the north of England.
ANT: Hey!
Rory said, "If I win I get 15 dollars. If you win I do laundry for this week. Lorelai said, "Sounds good." She said, "whaddya got?" as she lays down two pair.
CAT: She lay down two pair, messer Rory… me bin good, me go out to play?
ANT: That is possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever heard.
Rory grins and said, "Full house!" Lorelai said, "So when do I owe you the money?"
JESSE: Without a trace of emotion.
Rory said, "Add it to your bill.
ANT: Hey, does this link back with the “interchangeable-woman-emerging-from-under-blanket” scenario? *hopeful*
CAT: No. Shush.
" Lorelai said, "And how much do I owe on that? Rory said, "80 dollars." Lorelai said, "Add it on."
JESSE: (as Rory) “Well, gee, I was thinking of making two SEPARATE bills…”
Rory heard the last drops of coffee trickle into the pot.
ANT: Ok, this point has been made, but WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? THEY LIKE COFFEE! OK! OK! *breathes heavily*
CAT: Ant! Calm down! This isn’t SMTV, you can’t scream at girls for being stupid! *hands paper bag*
ANT: *hyperventilates*
Loralai looked up happily as Rory pours her a cup.
JESSE: (as Lorelai) “Ah, house slaves… they’re the best… *grins*”
Lorelai drinks it happily, the dark liquid disappearing rapidly. Rory sighs in pleasure as she drank her own coffee.
JESSE: Yet more interchangeable tenses…
CAT: Oh, shush…
JESSE: Don’t shush me! *pokes*
CAT: *pokes back*
JESSE: *pokes again*
ANT: Yeah! Bitchfight! *grins*
JESSE/CAT: *pokes Ant*
She looks up at her mother and said, "This is your fault you know. "We are coffee addicts because of you." She sighed. "We really have to get off our addiction." As she poured herself another cup.
ANT: *being poked* Wow, what a dynamic way of getting off the addiction! Take as much as you want as often as you want! Yeah! *is poked again* Stop that!
JESSE/CAT: *giggles*
Rory said, "Well, time to get ready for work mom." Lorelai said, "Since when did you get a job?" Rory said, "I meant you!"
CAT: Why won’t they use any other word for speaking other than “said”?
JESSE: They could declaim, or pronounce, or extol, or retort, or quip, or waffle, or something… but no, they just “said” things…
ANT: Yeah, an-
JESSE/CAT: *pokes Ant* Shush, you.
Lorelai said, "Oh! Well! I only have a half day of work!" Rory squealed
ANT: Hey, look, they’ve got one synonym in…
JESSE: But it’s a stupid one.
ANT: Good point. Pleasedontpokeme.
And said, "We can go...do nothing."
As she realised the smallness of their town. Lorelai said, "Au contraire. We can go take a trip around the town."
JESSE: (as one of the two interchangeable characters) “And if you look to the left you’ll see a lamppost, which have stood there for over thirty years…”
Lorelai decided it would be time to get up and get ready for work now. Rory continued to read, bundled in a blanket and sipping coffee.
CAT: Bundled in sipping coffee?
JESSE: “When plagued by burglars, set simple traps with new Sipping Coffee! Simply leave a copy of War And Peace lying around, and they’ll be enticed into reading it, which is where the revolutionary new design of the Sipping Coffee really comes in…”
ANT: Yes.
JESSE: *pokes*
ANT: Ow!
<><><>
Rory is seen with her hair pulled up
ANT: And a knife at her throat.
. She wore a tight black dress that didn't leave much for the imagination. Then she took it off and put on her t shirt and pants.
JESSE: So the whole point of that was to say “Hey, readers, guess what! I have a dress and very little imagination!”
She sighed and said,
"Maybe I should wear it to the dance tomorrow."
CAT: Skitzo.
She let down her hair and ran downstairs.
CAT: (as Rory) “Here girl, here girl… *pokes around on top of wardrobe with a broom* C’mon down, come on… who’s a good hair? Who’s a good hair?”
ANT: Where the hell did you get a wardrobe from in here?
She glanced at the book now lying haphazardly on the table.
JESSE: DangerBook! It lives life on the edge! Of the table.
She ran out the door and headed to Luke's.
As soon as she arrived she burst in the door
ANT: This conjures up horrific images of random people exploding in doorways. Thank you, CBJ!
and yelled, "I need coffee!" Thankfully the place was deserted.
CAT: Yes, that makes it much less weird…
He rolled his eyes and replied, "Where is Lorelai?"
ANT: …..?
JESSE: What the fuck? Did we miss a few lines?
CAT: Pages?
ANT: CHAPTERS?
Rory said, "Oh she is coming I just left before her. That way I could get my coffee. And a Santa Burger."
JESSE: (as Santa) “But who will look after the elves when I’m gone? Noooo! Not the sausage mince- *splartch*
CAT: That’s an… interesting sound effect…
He said, "No." She said, "Why? Mom got one." He said, "That was different."
ANT: (as mystery person who has not yet been revealed) “That’s because I’m sleeping with her…”
JESSE: (as Rory) “But coffee Santa Burger want I said! *explodes*”
Rory stuck out her tongue just as her mother ran in.
CAT: (as Lorelai) “She gave the signal! Lets move move move!”… Now breath! Move! Argh! Space Mutiny flashbacks!
Lorelai yelled, "I need coffee!" She didn't even check to see if the place was empty or not.
Luke glanced up at her, his eyes nonemotional.
JESSE: Much like the lifeless story.
ANT: Aww, that was unfair… no, no, wait…
He said in his gruff voice, "No coffee!" They both put on identical faces of sadness.
JESSE: Leatherface? Who’s he?
He looked at them and said, "Fine, but only one cup each!" They both ran towards a table
ANT: As opposed to the coffee machine.
and Rory said, "You know he will give us more."
JESSE: Now there are two ways this fic could go, the normal, or the porno..
ANT: Here’s to the porno! *is poked*
Lorelai nodded and said, "He is such a liar." Luke shouted, "I heard that!"
CAT: (as Luke) “I’m standing right next to you!”
Jess appeared and his dark shock of hair was in a mess.
ANT: Jess: the modern day genie.
He said "Hey Rory." She smiled, her light blue eyes dancing
JESSE: Oh lordy. These body parts are a bit more autonomous than I’d have liked…
and she said, "Hey Jess." He said, "Rory, is this yours?" with a mischievous tone in his voice.
ANT: Wait, wait… Rory’s eyes are off dancing the night away, but LUKE can’t see her?
He held up Huckleberry Finn and she said, "Oh my god! I have been looking everywhere for that! Where did you find it?"
CAT: …wuh?
ANT: Hey, you ever see American pie 2?
JESSE/CAT: Shut up…
ANT: *oblivious* And they hide in that house from the women, and they hear about Captain something-or-other, and they assume it’s a d-
JESSE/CAT: SHUT UP!
He said, "You left it here a few days ago!"
ALL: ….
She said, "Oh Jess, how can I repay you?" in an offhand tone.
JESSE: Why is it that women have guys names and guys have womens names?
ANT: Perhaps they’re all cross dressers…
CAT: (as Rory) “Yes, well, I’m really called Elizabeth, but, uh, just call me Rory…”
JESSE: (as Jess) *deep voice* “Only if you don’t call me Algernon…”
He said, "Dinner with me." She looked at Lorelai and Luke who both looked a bit surprised. Luke said,
CAT: (as Luke) “Sorry, we’re supermodels, we very rarely eat, if at all…”
"Jess, Rory has a girlfriend."
ANT: *grins hugely*
JESSE: Oh, shut up…
Lorelai looked at him and said, "Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you and me go out for dinner with Jess and Rory." Luke said, "Why?"
CAT: (as Luke) “Durr, mummy told me not to play wid girls…”
Lorelai said, "Because it would be fun. And we could make sure Jess doesn't pull anything."
ANT: What, literally?
CAT: Quiet, you.
He said, "I don't know Lor."
JESSE: (as Lorelai) “You went to Harvard and you can’t even SPELL it?”
She said, "Aw please??? Pwetty please?"
CAT: She spoke like this because her upper lip had finally dissolved after so much coffee.
JESSE: Either that or I STAPLED IT TO HER FOREHEAD AFTER SO MUCH FIC!
CAT/ANT: *shuffles away from Jesse*
He looked at her and opened his mouth. He said, "Fine. But on one condition."
JESSE: (as Luke) “Open your mouth and close your eyes… you shall receive a big surprise…”
ANT: (as Lorelai) “Durr, ok!”
JESSE: (as Luke) “Now I shall feed you like a penguin feeds its young… *takes emetics*”
She said, "What?" He said, "You have to act normal."
CAT: Says Simple Simon here.
She said, "I can't promise you, but I will try."
He smiled at her and said, "Good." She said, "How about on Friday?"
JESSE: Lorelia’s greatest challenge: Act Normal For A Day!
He said, "Ok." She walked out
ANT: Is anyone else having real trouble visualizing this fic?
JESSE: Hell yeah…
CAT: Yup.
RORY: Yeah…
ANT/JESSE/CAT: Hey!
and Rory smiled at Jess then kissed his cheek quickly in thanks. Lorelai ran in and said, "You shouldn't have done that!"
ANT: Lorelai has a spycamera?
Rory said, "Why?" Just as Dean ran in.
ANT: Ran in WHERE?
JESSE: The mishmash of locations this fic takes place in?
He grabbed Jess, and punched his jaw, then as Jess fell over, kicked him, and then shouted, "Don't hit on my girlfriend!"
CAT: Ironic, really, that hitting begets hitting…
ANT/JESSE: …?
CAT: Look, I’m sorry if I achieved a deep philosophical meaning to my life due
to whiling away time watching/reading this, ok? I can’t help it!
ANT/JESSE: *edges away from Cat*
Rory glared at Dean and hit him on the shoulder. She said, "Back off Dean!" Dean said, "You kissed him!"
JESSE: Which is obviously much worse than, say, spending a weekend in a Viridian Bed and Breakfast with someone else’s team rocket partner…
ANT: Huh?
JESSE: Oh, uh, nothing.
She said, "He gave me my book. I have been looking for it everywhere! That is all!" He glared at her, his chest heaving.
ANT: For he has breasts.
She said, "Look, I am sick of you acting like you own me!
CAT: (as Dean) “*whining* But I paid twenty camels for you at an Arabic market!”
everytime I hang out with another guy, you go psycho on me!" He shouted back, "Yea, well that's because all you do is flirt with them!"
JESSE: (as Dean) “Verily, thou art such a sodding flirt!”
She said, "No I don't! I am just friends with them!"
ANT: Funny, none of MY friends randomly kiss me…
JESSE: What about Dec?
CAT: That was unnecessarily catty.
He said, "Well fine, screw this. I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore!" She said, "Are you breaking up with me?"
ANT: Then she was hit around the head with a lengthy pole until she paid more ATTENTION to what was said.
He said, "Yes. And this time I am not coming back to you!"
ANT: Like many breakups, then.
CAT: (as Rory) “Honey, where are you
going?”
JESSE: (as Dean) “Just breaking up with you, dear, be back later…”
She said, "Fine, because I don't need somebody like you who is constantly controlling my life!"
ANT: Then, when Rory realized that there were strings attached to her limbs and she was made of wood, she began to think the opposite…
He glared at her and she ran out the door.
JESSE: WHICH ONE?
Jess took this chance to sneak up behind him. He kicked Dean in the nuts.
ANT: Um, how did that work?
JESSE: Well, you see, he’d just been vigorously… *untranslatable whispers* …which is why he has to stand with his legs apart.
ANT: *pale, shivering* ……………eeeeee…………..
(I do not hate Dean I just think he is an awful boyfriend.
ANT: Note to author: fictional characters, these are. Not real, are they.
CAT: Yoda, are you.
Otherwise he is a cool character) Dean fell over.
Jess then glared at everybody and chased after Rory. Everybody consisted of a very sore
Dean.
JESSE: What did I tell you?
ANT: *covering ears* Stop it! Stop it!
And Luke, who simply sighed and said, "Ya know, if Stars Hollow was missing Lorelai and Rory, I betcha everybody would have moved out.
CAT: And followed the freak show they rode out in.
Because those two are truly the only thing that keeps this town from being stupid."
ANT: Well, that and the chemicals in the water.
CAT: Um, no, they MAKE them stupid.
***************************************************************************
~*~*~*That Friday~*~*~*
JESSE: Hehe, it gets a section all to itself…
CAT: Mainly cos it’s the only phrase that makes sense.
***************************************************************************
Rory walked downstairs, wearing a black skirt, and white blouse. Such a simple outfit and she made it look awe-inspiring.
JESSE: (as Rory) “Worship the blouse!”
Lorelai wore a black halter-top that had the playboy bunny on it in diamonds, and tight
black leather pants.
ANT: (as David Attenbourgh) “And… if we… take a look through here… we can… make out… the mating plumage of a Sluttus Slutslut… magnificent…”
Rory said, "MOM! We are eating at an expensive restaurant!"
CAT: As of now, or what?
Lorelai said, "Deal with it! I feel like wearing this today!" Rory sighed and said,
JESSE: “Fine, but just as long as I can wear the divers suit…”
"I don't care, but the restaurant will, and Luke said to be normal.
ANT: I think his exact words were “Be normal! For the love of god, be normal… *breaks down crying*”…
" Lorelai rolled her eyes, and changed.
CAT: Ah, polymorphing elite-four trainers. Gotta love em… *grins*
ANT: I think the phrase is “gotta love emu”… *glares at camera*
AUTHOR: …
They got in the car. As they drove, they talked eagerly about this so called date and what they could do.
ANT: Perhaps they could… maybe, kiss their dates on the cheek?
JESSE: Are you mad? That would bring random psychotics running to beat you around the head for no reason at all.
Rory thought they could belt out songs out of nowhere. Lorelai figured it would be fun to just mainly be idiots
ALL: …
and scare Jess and Luke. Rory said, "Nah. Lets be normal for a while, and then they will ask us to be weird because it will be too weird normal."
JESSE: *confused* …….eeeeeeeeee?
CAT: There, there, it didn’t make any sense to us, either… *pats*
Lorelai said, "OK!" and grabbed a bag. Rory said, "What is that?" Lorelai said,
ANT: “a bag”, and then had some more witty dialogue.
"Our change of clothes. I knew this would happen." Rory giggled and said, "This is fun!"
JESSE: *more confused* ……eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
CAT: Jesse, hush…
JESSE: *whimpers in confusion*
They arrived at the restaurant and waited for Luke and Jess, Lorelai storing the bag under the seats secretly. She now wore a dark navy blouse and beige skirt that went to the floor.
ANT: So did Lorelai, but for fashion tips, it seems…
CAT: (as Lorelai) “Hey, that carpet’s a nice colour… hmm, wait a minute… COFFEEEE!”
Soon Jess and Luke walked in. They glanced at the Gilmore girls
JESSE: But isn’t one of them the mother of the other one?
CAT: *carefully* I think so, yeah…
JESSE: ….eeeeeeeee….
CAT: Aww, Jesse, hush!
and their mouths plummeted en route for floorboards.
ANT: As Rory hit them on the back of the head with a large length of two-by-four.
Rory and Lorelai smiled as they both sat down with the guys. The guys were dressed up
CAT: In kimonos, and such?
, and Jess looked good, he had actually BRUSHED his hair.
JESSE: ..eee…
CAT: *patting jesse* As opposed to COMBING it.
Luke looked different without his cap and plaid shirts.
ANT: Perhaps the cap and plaid shirts were missing.
But it was a good different.
ANT: Quickly! Cover that meaning-changing typo!
CAT: Too late…
JESSE: *rocks back and forth* …eeeeeeeee….
He said, "Now I am wondering why I let you talk me into this one Lorelai."
CAT: I believe Luke is the BFG.
ANT: From Doom?
CAT: Never mind.
She giggled, "Because you love me?"
ANT: (as Luke) “No, it’s just because I haven’t seen a woman in about six years, much less touched one…”
CAT: (as Lorelai) “*sticks tongue out* COFFEE!”
ANT: (as Luke) “Excellent… *rubs hands together*”
He rolled his eyes and said , "No, because I figure I can keep an eye on Jess. And I want to see if you can be normal." She stuck out her tongue and said, "That isn't very nice!"
JESSE: *recovering* (as Luke) “*sticks tongue out* Well, neithers mine, so hah!”
CAT: Yay, good Jesse… *hugs* you can still MST.
He shrugged. She said, "Fine, I will prove I can be normal sometimes!"
ANT: When sleeping?
CAT: When in a coma?
JESSE: When drugged up, oddly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
30 minutes later, Rory and Lorelai had changed
ANT: Their voices were deepening, and they were getting hair in really strange places…
CAT: *pokes*
JESSE: *pokes feebly*
and Luke and Jess were sighing.
ANT: “Ahh, we got to see all of that… *sighs*”
Luke said, "Come on already Lorelai, tell me. Did you know we would ask you to be silly?"
CAT: He has rather odd fantasies to roleplay this.
Lorelai said in imitation of Luke, "Come on already Lorelai! Tell me! Love me! yadda yadda yadda! Fine. Yes." Luke said, "Lorelai?"
JESSE: (as Luke) “Lorelai? Lorelai! You’re not making any sense! Lorelai, please! That wasn’t coffee, it was Knurd!”
ANT/CAT: *stares*
JESSE: Ok, so I like Pratchett, so sue me.
She giggled and took another sip of wine. Rory said, "Mom?" She giggled hilariously. Rory said, "That is your 3rd cup of wine. Plus one martini earlier."
CAT: In half an hour?
ANT: Lorelai would be a drainpipe in more ways than one, then.
Luke shook his head, "She is drunk." Rory nodded.
JESSE: (as Luke) “Feh, you have to be different, don’t you?”
Lorelai suddenly began to sing. "Alone, just my lonely heart knows how, I want to be wanted, Right now, not tomorrow, but right now, I want to be wanted."
ANT: As people do this when they’re drunk, because it is FUNNY!
CAT: Yes, it is FUNNY when drunks sing instead of fighting each other for cans of special brew!
JESSE: *coughs, then, weakly..* So you’ve never been drunk as well, then?
ANT: Cat? Is this… true?
CAT: I’m sorry Ant… I just… I just don’t like beer!
ANT: *pale* Get… out….
Rory said, “Oh my god.” Luke watched as she got up and began to dance around.
JESSE: Which caused the waiters some alarm, what with Lorelai singing so loudly and Rory blaspheming and dancing…
He said, “Rory, I am taking her home.” Rory nodded, and could only watch aghast.
ANT: A Ghast? Why are ghasts here?
CAT: What was that, Mr-I-Don’t-Roleplay-Honest?
ANT: Baldurs gate reference! It’s a video game!
CAT: Yeah, well, it’s sadder. Nyah!
ANT: *snaps teeth*
CAT: …pardon?
ANT: I do apologize, I don’t know what came over me…
JESSE: *ahem*, and that’s the end of that chapter.
Rory and Jess watched as Luke led Lorelai outside. She was giggling and Rory shook her head.
ANT: Hey, last time Louise Woodward tried that, and look how THAT turned out…
CAT: Agh, Ant, that was uncalled for…
She said, “Hey, wanna go sit by the lake?” He nodded and said, “Are you going to push me in?” She said, “Only if you are bad.”
JESSE: Or if the indigenous carnivorous ducks get agitated.
She smiled at him. After walking for a while, they arrived at the lake.
ANT: Which was surprising, as they were headed back towards Luke’s house.
CAT: That’s when they realized… the lake was coming to get them!
JESSE: The lake rose up, and intoned….
ALL: I HAVE A VAGUE INKLING OF WHAT YOU MAY HAVE POSSIBLY DONE LAST SUMMER IN AN URBAN LEGEND!
She sat down with him and they lay back. She said, “Do you ever star gaze?” He said, “No, never really had an interest to.” She said, “I love to.”
JESSE: (as Lorelai) “When I was locked up, it was all I could do… then the nice nurses gave me night-night pills and then I woke up and then I was on the freeway and Rory nearly hit me in her jeep so I tagged along and we’ve been friends ever since, but she tries to throw stuff at me sometimes… she’s so funny!”
She pointed to up in the sky and moved her head right by his. She said in a hushed tone, “There is Orion. And see over there, Cassiopia?”
ANT: “Quiet, or they’ll hear you!”
CAT: (as Steve Irwin) “Gor, blimey, that’s a bewdiful specimen there! Now, I’m gonna annoy the bejezus out of this constellation, and see what happens…”
He looked at her, and then up where her arm was pointing.
CAT: After figuring out that yes, the stars were in the SKY!
He said, “Not really.” She said, “Well, it’s the 5 stars that form a crown if you look.”
JESSE: (as Luke) “Um, no, they’re more of an “M”…”
He stared and said, “Oh! Now I see it!” He said, “Ow!”
ANT: “Oowww, starlight *burns*…
She sat up and looked at him. She said, “Are you ok?” He said, “Yea, just a little sore
from where Dean got me.”
JESSE: Um, didn’t Dean viciously-
ANT: Stop it! Any sentence with the word “viciously” in it can’t be good!
JESSE: *continuing* …attack JESS, as opposed to LUKE?
CAT: Hey… yeah! He did!
She winced.
ANT: (as Lorelai) “You said I was the only one!”
CAT: Now who’s making vile jokes?
ANT: You. *pokes*
CAT: Argh! *pokes harder*
ANT: *disappears under poking storm*
Then he sat up, gingerly touching his ribs. She said, “Let me see.” He pulled up the edge
of his shirt.
JESSE: Revealing his navel, what? We want chest!
CAT: Yeah!
ANT: Um.
She said, “It is summer.” As she grabbed his shirt and pulled it off. She gently touched hisside and said, “Man! He really did a number on you!”
ANT: Lets hope he didn’t do a number 2 on him…
CAT/JESSE: Eeew… *pokes*
He said, “Ah, it isn’t as bad as it
seems. It just is kinda sore.”
CAT: Yes, but it looked sore… so it’s not sore, it’s just sore?
JESSE: How can he tell how bad the wound(s) are just be looking at them?
ANT: He’s a see-sore.
ALL: …
ANT: I’m sorry.
She glanced at him and said, “Wanna know something? Tristan and Dean both are possessive, to some level, but you aren't. You let me be who I want to be.”
CAT: Um, how long have they been going out?
He said, “Well, I know that I can't control you.”
ANT: Well, without his mind control toaster!
CAT: Powered by the stupidity of the Gilmore girls, the mind control toaster is a device used for pure evil!
JESSE: And, occasionally, for making toast!
She said, “I am glad. Because nobody else seems to besides Mom.” He perused at her looks,
CAT: …whafuck?
ANT: Ooh, cunning, turn to Deathworld quotes before Jesse se-
JESSE: ….eeeeeeee…
CAT: Oh, no… Jesse, girl, snap out of it…
then he said, “Ok, that’s enough star gazing for me. Besides, its getting kinda cool out and I figure we better get back to your house.” She said, “Can we stop at the diner and get some coffee?”
ANT: Who didn’t see this coming? Come on, all of you, hands up, and go to the Corner Of Stupid Continuing Jokes…
CAT: And why don’t (“eeeeee!”) they have any (“eeeeeeee!”) coffee at home? Jesse!
Jess nodded and they began to walk. As they walked, she began to skip. She yelled, “Look its an ice cream vender! Oy!” as she ran towards it.
Rory was walking along with an ice cream cone soon and as they reached the diner, gulped down
the rest of the cone
CAT: Washing down the poor
Ice cream vendor in haiku style
For no good reason.
ANT: *applauds*
, almost falling over the curb, as she giggled. Jess said, “Personally I think you are a little tipsy.” She said, “No, just extremely sugar high. That’s why I need the coffee; it will calm me down.”
ANT: That would be Gilmore logic for you… stimulants to calm you down…
CAT: That would explain the remarkable number of Gilmores getting distracted by something shiny.
He nodded, “Ah.”
ANT: (as Luke) “My neck! It’s… it’s snapped due to looking up at the stars so much!”
As they walked in the coffee shop and he went to get her a cup of coffee.
CAT: She was tethered outside, natch. *strokes Jesses hair* Shh, s’ok…
JESSE: ….eeee….eee…e? Hey! Unhand me!
ANT: Ah, she’s back.
CAT: Pity… she was nicer like she was before…
ANT: *grins*
CAT: Well, she was.
ANT: *grinning still*
CAT: She was!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Lorelai lay on the couch, moaning slightly. She blinked, and moved her head, and saw a person standing over her, and then blinked again and everything was fuzzy.
JESSE: For the person had Velcroed her eyes!
Then she attempted to sit up as her eyesight cleared and she saw the person was Luke.
ANT: Possibly the scariest thing to regain conciousness to.
JESSE: Except Giovanni’s empty liquor cabinet after you were put in charge of Viridian Gym for the night… *sighs*
She said, “Luke? What happened? Why am I here?” and then she heard a click.
JESSE: Is it a gun being cocked? Oh, please say it is! *claps hands together girlishly*
She turned and saw Rory and Jess.
CAT: (as Rory) “I’m sorry, but, well, we can’t let you live…”
Everything hit her.
ANT: Well, so much for the gun, then… or was she pistol-whipped?
She said, “Jess, Rory are you OK?”
JESSE: So, uh, Lorelai got hit, and so Jess and Rory get hurt?
CAT: Lorelai is electrified.
Rory nodded and said, “Yea, me and Jess got coffee and ice cream that’s all.”
ANT: Now, can anyone think of any situation at all where this conversation makes sense?
JESSE: “Oh my god, are you ok?” “Yeah… yeah… don’t worry, we just got coffee and icecream…” “Wow, medical technology’s really taken a step forward… pass me the cheese, I need a splint…”
Lorelai nodded and said, “ah.” Jess said, “Well, I think we better head back to the diner, and close it.” Luke said, “Ok.” As he walked out.
Lorelai said, “Hey, Luke?” He nodded at her. She said, “Sorry about getting drunk. I know you wanted to have fun.”
ANT: And we all know how little fun a drunk flirt is.
He said, “It was fun. Until you got drunk.” He said this last part a bit coolly, as he hotly walked out.
CAT: He’s a walking thermostat!
Lorelai and Rory looked at each other and collapsed onto the couch together, with looks of total unhappiness on their faces.
ANT: Mainly because Lorelai was already sitting on the couch.
Rory said, “Mom, what are we gonna do?” Lorelai shrugged and said, “Get me two Advil and a glass of water.”
JESSE: “Stat!”
Rory nodded and got up. She quickly came back and handed her mother the pills and water. Lorelai swallowed it and moaned again.
ANT: “Please… you’re sitting on my legs!”
The two of them lay there as they tried to recover from the nights extremely insane turn of events.
CAT: Ok, this is surreal… up, down, all around, these people go…
ANT: She’s A Pyscho Girl!
CAT: ….yes.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Lorelai lay on the floor now, and Rory said, “Go fish.”
ANT: More sexual malpractices at the house of the Gilm-
CAT/JESSE: *pokes*
Lorelai picked up a card, and gave her a dirty look. She got a happier look on her face soon after, though, as she lay down two threes.
Lorelai sat up and said, “UNO!”
CAT: Methinks the Gilmores are simple children.
Rory said, “Who came up with the bright idea to combine Go Fish and Uno for Uno Fish?”
JESSE: Aww, they left a “Go” out on its own…
Lorelai said, “You.” Rory said, “Oh. When?” Lorelai said, “About 3 years ago.” Rory groaned and said, “I remember now.” Rory said, “Got any 5’s?” Lorelai nodded and handed her her last card.
Lorelai said, “Play again?” Rory shook her head and said, “Nah.” Lorelai said, “talk about Jess?”
ANT: These people actually converse in MSN-speak…
CAT: *tuts* With about as much grammar, it seems…
Her eyes twinkling mischievously. Rory said, “What?” Lorelai said, “C`mon girl, you know you like him.” Rory said, “Who told you that?”
JESSE: YOU WENT ON A DATE AND SPLIT UP WITH
YOUR BOYFRIEND FOR HIM!
Lorelai said, “I can just tell by
looking at you!” Rory said, “Well I don’t!” Lorelai said, “Uh huh!” Rory said,
“Fine maybe I do.” Just as Jess walked in. He said, “Maybe you do what?”
JESSE: The monster mash!
ANT: She did the mash!
CAT: She did the monster mash!
ANT: It was a graveyard smas-
JESSE: Argh! Shut up! Please!
Lorelai, being drunk, and a bit mean, said, “Like you.” She grinned and Jess said, “What?” Rory blushed wildly,
ANT: (as Steve Irwin) “Gor, this is a right bewt of a blush… now, I gotta be careful, cos if I get to close, this wild little bugger will rip my arm clean off! Just like that! What a bewt!”
And Jess said, “Is that true, Rory?” She shrugged, her hair falling in her face.
CAT: (as hair) “No! Captain, the gravitational field is too strong! The face is… is pulling us in!”
He stepped towards her across the room.
JESSE: Whoa! How big are this guys legs?
Lorelai said, “Maybe I should leave you alone.” As she giggled and ran out of the room.
ANT: Yes, it takes the same time for Jess to take one giant step across a miscellaneous room as it does for Lorelai to run out giggling. Nice work on the architecture, Escher!
Rory sat down and said, “mom. Gotta love her.” He smiled and said, “I take it its true.”
CAT: Implying that he thinks you have to love her mum?
JESSE: Rather ambitious, isn’t it?
Rory still wouldn’t look up. He put his hand under her chin and pulled her face up until she was looking at him.
ANT: (as Rory) “*muffled* Mmmph! Oww! You’re stretching me! Mmph!”
Then he kissed her. After they separated,
JESSE: Now that’s one short relationship…
ANT: Heh, much like a cat relationship… first minute’s fine, second minute you feel trapped, third minute, you gotta get out!
JESSE: Heh, Red Dwarf?
ANT: Nah, just talked to some of her old boyfriends *points*…
CAT: Hey!
he said, “Rory Gilmore, will you be my girlfriend?”
CAT: “He’s on a rebound, don’t do it!”
She nodded as he pulled her into his arms again. Soon, Rory walked into the kitchen after Jess had left.
ANT: Was he teleported out, or something? What’s going on here?
Why he had been there in the first place was beyond her.
JESSE: He lives under the sink!
She sat down across from her mother and glared. Lorelai said, “Hi honey how did
it go.” She simply continued the death glare.
CAT: Not quite as effective as the “death grip” or the “death bludgeon”, is it?
Lorelai said, “Fine fine. I'm sorry!” Rory grinned now and said, “Ok apology accepted.
ANT: Woo, what does she take for her rage?
CAT: We should get Vegeta some…
ANT/JESSE: *nods vigorously*
By the way, it went fine. We are going out now.” Lorelai giggled and said, “Coolios!” Lorelai said, “My head is starting to hurt. I am going to bed.”
CAT: Ah, the moment we’ve all been waiting for… her eventual nervous breakdown!
ANT: Poor Lorelai… she drank far, far too much coffee…
CAT: Heh, that’s a point, how would she get to sleep…
JESSE: I dunno, but it’d be fun to watch
her… *grins*
Lorelai trudged upstairs and Rory went
ANT: Hey, wait a second, you like watching women sleep?
JESSE: Oh, shush.
to her own bedroom and lay down, dreaming of Jess. Lorelai lay down on her bed and within moments was snoring.
CAT: I say again, I am confused… why is Lorelai in Rory’s bed?
JESSE: Ant! Stop thinking that! *pokes*
ANT: What? *whimpers*
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lorelai walked into Luke’s the next day. She walked up to the counter and said, “Luke I am so sorry. What happened on the date yesterday, that was totally not supposed to happen.”
ANT: (as Lorelai) “The goat flavoured angel delight and the Naked Moose magazines were kept hidden, dammit….*sobs*”
He said, “Lorelai be quiet!”
JESSE: (as Luke) “I liked the mags, ok?”
But it was too late.
Mrs. Patty’s annoying voice rang out.
CAT: Like a particularly aggravating bell.
“Oh hello Lorelai! Went on a date with Luke hm?”
JESSE: Luke is ROYALTY?
Lorelai winced, and said, “Kind of. It was sorta like a we are going to watch our kids kinda thing.” Mrs. Patty said, “Oh now your kids are dating?” Luke smacked his forehead and said angrily, “NO!”
ANT: Later, he will rub his own nose in it.
Just as Lorelai said, “yes! But that didn’t happen till later.” Which sounded twice as bad.
JESSE: “With our handy Gaff-O-Meter, you can gauge how stupid these things are that you say!”
Luke said, “Lorelai shut up! Mrs. Patty, Jess and Rory are dating,
CAT: Ooh, a threesome…
but that didn’t happen till after the date. Which wasn’t a date. Jess found Rory’s book and returned it and so to repay him, went out with him to dinner
JESSE: Loose? Nah..
, we went along to keep an eye on him.
ANT: And Rory, who would be… I dunno, twenty? She needs a chaperone?
CAT: This place would make the Victorian era look like Temptation Island…
That’s all!” Dean glared and said, “Already she is moving in on other guys?!” Lorelai and Luke shouted at the exact same time, “Dean, SHUT UP!”
ANT: Y’know, being mentally linked and all, this was easy.
he glared and stomped off.
Luke said, “Lorelai, look I am sorry I yelled. But first you got drunk. Now you are screwing everything up.” She smiled at him and said, “You couldn’t live without it though.” He said, “Actually I could. I would enjoy it too.
JESSE: Woo! Way to move in on a woman! Tell her you’d be much happier without her! Woo!
But then...there are those times where I do want insanity, because otherwise this town would be too normal. And I am glad I have you.” He leaned over and kissed her gently, praying she would return the kiss.
CAT: Sadly, the label had come off in the post and the receipt was torn up…
Lorelai kissed him back happily, having realised in the night she liked him.
JESSE: Eew… what was she doing, exactly? Lying in bed is not really the normal place to discover you have a crush on someone…
Rory and Jess walked in just then, applauding happily.
ANT: *tuts* Honestly, spying on their own parents…
Mrs. Patty of course had out her cell phone.
CAT: *sighs happily* Ah, the love between a middle aged woman and her sex chat lines is beautiful to behold…
And they all lived happily ever after.
JESSE: Including Dean, then?
CAT: Yeah, I mean, why wouldn’t he be happy? He was kicked in the bollocks, had his loose girlfriend stolen from him, and got yelled at for being a gimp.
ANT: Hey, I turned out alright!
“Gleeep…” gurgled Ant as he staggered out of the theatre a bit too early, taking a lungful of the mustard gas used to discourage people from breaking out of fics too early…
“Ant! Are you mad? You know what happened when we locked Ash in the mustard gas room, this stuff hurts!” shouted Cat, catching up with him and pulling him back into the theatre, where the credits were rolling to the theme of Kenny G.
“Yeah… yeah… I know.. I *hack* know… s’just that… *wheeze, cough* I had to get out… please… let me leave…”
“Be strong…”
The remainder of the gas was sucked back into the cylinders, and the intrepid MSTers staggered back into the main satellite. Ant went to inhale some strong alkali fumes, having been reliably informed by a grinning Spike that it would counteract the acidic burning. Jesse returned to her painting for the final ten minutes, and Cat merely went to make a pot of tea, and to pass Ant the turpentine when the fume-inhaling went badly wrong…
“AAAAAAARGH!”
“Dec, you fool, you don’t drink it!”
Once the first aid had been dispensed by yet another Washu-matic™ invention, and the tea had been drunk, spilled, and flung against the wall in disgust by a testy Vegeta (“They killed me off! They KILLED me OFF!”) , it was time to judge the paintings.
As Cat surveyed the various easels with the proud artists standing by, ready to explain every nuance of their paintings, she couldn’t help but wonder if the crew were ok… I mean, they aren’t normally like this when I suggest something to pass the time…
“Hey, uh, is she alright?” asked James tentatively, slouching on the sofa. “She’s been staring at the wall there for about ten minutes now…”
“Feh, who cares… she’s been a bit spaced out lately anyway… now can we get on with this charade so that I can do something more useful with my time?” muttered Vegeta, crouched on the floor over a bowl of Wotsits.
“Yes, you’re right, the light does blend well… I’m amazed I didn’t see it bef- what?” droned Cat, abruptly returning to the waking world.
“She’s back, everyone!” called Dec, causing the rest of the crew to mill out of the kitchen, where they had been taking advantage of Cats catatonic state to find out what was in the box on top of the fridge marked “CAUTION: DO NOT TOUCH OR OPEN”. Once they prised the lid off, and blinked once or twice at what was inside, they carefully replaced the FHM photoshoot issues, and wondered if they’d ever see Cat in the same light again… well, except for Ant, natch, who kept seeing her in the same light.
“Ah… uh, these are your paintings?”
The gallery game began…
“Heh, fantastic…”
Spike drained the glass in one, and moved to the fridge to take another out of the chiller. He hummed slightly as he crumbled a Weetabix biscuit into his beaker o’ blood, and sighed contentedly as he downed this one, too. Heh… the prize for the best picture turned out to be a weeks supply of any foodstuff you wanted… wonder how Cat got Dr Evils permission for this? And where had those FHM pics gone from the top of the fridge? And why had Dr Evil not been around recently?
Spike grinned to himself, and wandered off to his bedroom, where the pic of Vegeta hung on the wall facing the TV and Dreamcast. He liked to think it was his skill at art that got him and Vegeta the blood and Weetabix, and banana ice cream respectively, but, unknown to him, it was merely the size of the loofah Vegeta had to use to keep the painting from becoming indecent…