What’s that, I hear you cry? `Argh, no more of that demented bitch?` Hah, too bad, I’m damn well back. As ever, I shall plug my site: http://mst.dark-omens.com , and the boards within, as they are fun, and we demand more fresh blood to play with. Plus, there’s some top fanfics on there too, including the MST3K ½ round robin, which is going pretty ok so far… doubleplus, there’s the scrapbook, which took me ages. Doubleplusgood, there’s some excellent fics of fics, which really do rock. Like a box of socks, even. So, anyway, enjoy an MSTing of a PowerPuff Girls fic by Draco (one of the lovely board members y’all could meet :D) Oh, and I changed the theme. Go read the special (The Morning After), or basically anything on the boards or in the Fics of fics section, to see who the new senders actually are.

Disclaimer: NOT MINE. That cover it?

*begin funky waah-waah guitar*
In the not-too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space,
A random group of people are caught in an endless chase,
Pursued by Giovanni, head of TRnetworks,

A half drunk dude who wants rid of all these jerks,
He collected some weird fics, and some even worse,
And with his liquor store he hunts them all across the universe!
(Giovanni: `Talk about failed experiments...`)

Giovanni: "I'll send them freakish fanfic,
The weirdest I can find,
(Ant, Dec and Cat: `La-la-la!`)
They'll have to sit and read them all,
Until thir brains are fried!"
(Ant, Dec and Cat: `La-la-la!`)

Now keep in mind they can't control where the fanfics begin or end,
They'll have to keep their sanity with the help of their loyal friends.

*shot of Jessie beating Ant over the head with a frying pan*
Reviewer role-call!

Cat! "But I’m the sane one..!"
Vegeta! “Can’t I go home yet?"
Spike! "Sod off."
De-e-e-e-c! "Pika-pikachu!"

The weird bits are innumerable, please try not to barf,
Just repeat to yourself, `it's only a fic`, turn off your brain and laugh,
For Mystery Surreal Theatre 3000 ½!
*end funky waah-waah guitar, and the fic begins. ~_^*

“Dock the satellite, Mini-Me!”

Dr Evil sat back in his chair. It’d been a long few months, chasing the SoL through time and space for no apparent reason other than to annoy his son, but it was finally all over. Giovanni had told him his time was up, and the doctor returned to his secret volcano lair with a typically evil smile on his face, ready to begin his next twisted plot of vengeance and world domination. Add that to the fact that his annoying brat of a son was god knows where with that equally annoying girl, and life could no get any better. Now, to return to his plans to create a bomb that incorperated the ferocity of an explosion, with the power of nails added! He would call it... the “nail bomb.”

“DOCTOOOR!” barked the all-too familiar voice of Frau Farbissinau, shaking Dr Evil out of his semi-peacful revere. “Guess who has RETURNED!” A blue haired teenager in a Kurt Cobain shirt walked heavily through the door, half raising his hand in some semblance of a wave.

“Yo, Dad, ya don’t mind if Aoi crashes here tonight, do ya?” A girl poked her head around the door.

“Heya, Mr Evil-person! I like your volcano!”

Dr Evil trembled slightly, before regaining his composure. He stood, turned to Frau, Scott and Aoi, and spoke shakily.

“Daddy just has to take a quick walk to the off license, OK, son?”

Back on the SoL, nothing much had happened, apart from a brief shake in the timeline due to a fic of a fic. Thus giving the entire crew hangovers. Bear in mind that a Saiyan is not a happy creature when suffering from a hangover.

“Is he done yet?” yelled Cat, too scared to look over the sofa to check.

“Nope, doesn’t seem so…” said Washu, briefly sneaking a glance above the much-wrecked sofa, which was currently being used as a shelter by the eight crew members who were not Vegeta. She tapped on her laptop, concernedly. “At this rate, taking his power level into consideration, he’ll be going for another… *gulp* …. Two weeks!”

Ant grabbed the laptop.

“And what fantastically complicated computer program of your own device have you used to work that one out, Little Washu?” he asked, staring dumbfounded at the screen. She snatched the computer back.

“Microsoft Calculator.” Dec snorted with laughter.

Just before Ant aimed the computer at Dec’s head, much to Washu’s protest, Meowth and Pikachu leapt behind the sofa, and landed on Team Rocket.

“Chu! Chu-pika-pikaCHU!” Pikachu yelped.

“Yeah, he’s right! Vegeta’s gone insane! He’s wrecking the whole place!” translated Meowth.

Jessie panicked, her forehead creased in a frown.

“He’s… he’s not got to the N64 yet, has he?”

“No… dere’s still time, Jess, your saved game on Ocarina of Time is not destroyed yet…”

Jessie breathed a sigh of relief, which gained her a sideways look from James. “Oh, like you wouldn’t panic if you finally got out of that damn Dodongo’s Cave, and a mad Saiyan blew up your game cart!”

Spike was desparatly trying to negotiate with Vegeta from the arm of the sofa. He learned pretty quickly that you can’t have a mature conversation with someone who was throwing objects in the air and obliterating them randomly.

“Hate timeline changes darn blasted argh penguins!” Vegeta snarled, throwing a toaster at a wall. “Continuation from special not right why Aoi and Scott there after holiday?!?”

“Vegeta, calm down, it was just one line! We’ve had worse continuaty errors than this and lived through them! At least the last one was well-written!” Spike yelled through the bullhorn, struggling to make himself heard above the sound of sizzling metal.

“My brain hurts blasted darn censorship can’t even swear properly don’t know where to put on fic timeline too well written can’t be that mad!” screeched the prince of saiyans, turning his outstreched hand towards Jessie’s N64.

“NOOOO!” howled the female Rocket, dashing across the room and grabbing Vegeta’s arm. “Snap out of it, dammit!” she hit him repeatedly with a fan.

“Anger… subsiding, rage, decreasing…” Vegeta mumbled, inbetween blows. He lowered his arm and collapsed on the N64. Jessie screamed in depair, kicked Vegeta a few times, and ran to her room sobbing, where her Gameboy and copy of Link’s Awakening DX were waiting for her.

“Well, that went against all calculations…” mused Washu, typing some more. “But the fridge was saved, so who cares?” she giggled, throwing her laptop away.

“Still got headache.” Vegeta mumbled, from floor level.

“Get this man some Ibuprofane! On the double!” snarled Spike, helping Vegeta to his feet. “There there, you poor, brave soul, we’ll help you…”

James snorted. “He stood on the TV. I’m not helping him.” Cat returned from the kitchen, with a box of pills and a glass of water.

“Now,” she eased, “All we need is a bit of quiet, and absolutely no fics…”

“That jinxed it.” sighed Dec, half-expecting the chirpy-beep-beep noise that followed. Cat, dropping Vegeta’s head, ran to the screen and answered, only to be shocked by the apperance of Giovanni on the monitor, not Dr Evil.

“Well hello, sir, fancy the original fic sender sending our fic!”

“Oh, shush. It’s not like it was my choice, I had all sorts of replacments lined up after Dr Evil. There was a particularly good candidate in a `Harmony`…”

Spike paled. The last thing he needed was the cheery undead callling him her `blondie bear` for the next few months.

“…but, alas, since the fic special, I haven’t been able to shift these two…” Giovanni motioned towards a sleeping robot wolf and brain on spider legs that were behind him. “These… walking disaster areas! All they do is sleep and make demands! And there is cat-hair all over the floor!” Ash and Abby, curled up on a keyboard, yowled indignatly, raked their claws across Persian’s nose, and fell back to sleep.

“Right, that’s it.” Giovanni picked up a large stick, labelled `wakening device`, and prodded the mechas til Cyberwulf bit the stick in half.

“What?” it asked drowsily, still chewing a mouthful of wood.

“If you two are going to stay here, you have to at least send fics when the alarm goes off!” raged Giovanni.

“What alarm?” asked Spider, innocently.

“That one!” screamed Gio, pointing to the blaring alarm system that was flashing the words `SEND FIC NOW` in foot high red letters.

“Oh, that. Fine.” Spider scuttled up to the monitor, in which Cat had been watching the melodrama with great interest.

“Your fic today…” he started to announce importantly, “Is something I have no clue about.”

Wulf threw a wad of paper at him. “This’ll do… some Powerpuff Girls fic.”

“Powerpuff?”

The entire SoL, minus the absent Jessie, looked at James. He pouted.

“That isn’t funny or original anymore!” he whined, and stomped off to join Jessie. Ahem.

“Anyway!” yelled Wulf, its eyes turning red. “Here’s your fic.”

The lights on the SoL promptly started to flash, as the crew dashed around in the usual mad panic. Ant, Washu, Meowth and Pikachu made it away from the main lounge, leaving the half concious Vegeta, a pissed off Spike, a rather worried Dec and Cat, still stood at the monitor.

“Well then.” She sighed. “Reviewer picking should be easy enough, at least.”

Dec hit her with a cushion, and they all stamped in the direction of the theater.

*Spike enters first, half-carrying Vegeta, who’s still clutching his forrehead and groaning. He pushes him gently into the first seat, and sits in the second. Dec takes the third seat, and Cat follows, sitting nearest the aisle. Sorry if I made seating arrangements seem important, they really aren’t.*

“The interdimensional portal thing” by Draco.

SPIKE: Ah, good, a ‘thing.’ Always nice when the author knows that’s going on.

DEC: Yeah, ‘cause you made a great writer, William the Bloody…

SPIKE: *blushing* Watch your mouth.

DEC: Well, anyway… I brought my sarcasm-o-meter in the theatre today. Just for a laugh, you know?

SPIKE: Hah-bloody-hah.

*beep-beep-beep*

DEC: See, it works!

Violence: Definately. You can’t have Power Puff Girls WITHOUT violence, now can you?

Language: Uhm, probably.

CAT: It’s a good start when a fic’s written in a language, after all.

VEGETA: *groggily* Gah… I think the pills are kicking in…

DEC: Nice to have you back with us, Veggie. Even if you did try to kill us all.

VEGETA: Again?

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this fic are mine, nor are any of the things they say, do or think. Except the Low IQ insult. That one’s all mine, and you can’t use without my permission.

Disaster strikes Towsville!

Will the PowerPuff Girls beat the biggest force of Evil ever?

Forbidden love and a city filled with terror!

Lots and lots of special effects!

With a thousand elephants!

CAT: Ten lemurs!

SPIKE: Twenty five hundred meerkats!

DEC: One dozen pancakes!

VEGETA: Two French hens!

ALL: *singing* And a partridge in a pear tree….!

(Lots and lots flats, houses and other stuff you usually see in a city)

SPIKE: Muggings, beatings, broken into cars…

CAT: *sighing happily* I love commerce!

*beep-beep-beep*

Narrator: This is the city of Townsville! Home of everybody’s favourite group of superheroes:

DEC: Captain Greyhound and-

VEGETA: No. Just… no.

the PowerPuff Girls! They have saved our city from terror, evil creatures and one very scary clown. But, that was all ten years ago,

VEGETA: (as Narrator) …and now, the city has been paved over, and a gigantic mall rebuilt in its place! It boasts the largest food court in all of humanity.

DEC: (as Brodie) But of course, if an eatery is outside of the food court area, it can be considered an autonymous unit for mid-mall snacking.

CAT: We should hide your Kevin Smith tapes.

DEC: Nooch.

and it’s been pretty quiet. The girls have grown into puberty.

ALL: Eww!

SPIKE:There’s some stuff I don’t wanna think about…

But what if evil tries to take over? Will our beloved heroes still be able to save the day?

SPIKE: What? Evil, trying to take over Townsville?! Never!

*beep-beep-beep*

DEC: The sarcasm-meter’s going crazy! It’s almost as if someone’s being incredibly bitter about some form of fic!

*beep-beep-beep*

(It’s 7 AM, wake-up time for the PPG. We see a lovely house, birds singing, yaddayadda. Peaceful scene )

Prof. Utopium: “Girls! Wake up! Breakfast is ready!”

(from her bedroom)

Blossom: “I can’t go to school dad! I’ve got pimples everywhere and my hair’s, like, a total mess!”

CAT: It’s horrible!! Blossom’s been hit with the ray of ValleyGirl! She must say `totally, fer sure, whatever` until her face falls off!

SPIKE: I’m having nasty Buffy Movie flashbacks…

Prof. Utopium: “I don’t care about your hair! You’ll go to school today, and you’ll like it!

Bubbles! Buttercup! Hurry up!”

Buttercuo: “I’d like to, but Bubbles won’t come out of the bathroom!”

DEC: *as Bubbles* Yeah, well, you try eating fifteen burritos and not needing a little bathroom time!

VEGETA: Buttercuo? Is that the knockoff Mexican version?

Bubbles: “I can’t help it if my hair takes a long time to be perfect!”

Buttercup: “Yeah? Well, you’ve got ten seconds to get out of there, or else I’ll blow the door up!”

Prof. Utopium: “Buttercup, what did I tell you about blowing up doors when people are behind them?”

Buttercup and the professor together, although Buttercup isn’t very enthusiastic:

SPIKE: *as Buttercup* `don’t tell social services the proffesor beats me`, fine, fine…

“Don’t do it, it’s not polite.”

(30 minutes later. The girls all eat their breakfast. Blossom is still not happy about her hair and face, Bubbles can’t stop smiling and Buttercup is still pissed at Bubbles.)

Bubbles: “Buttercup, can you pass the butter please?”

Buttercup, sarcastically: “No, I can’t, I might damage my perfect nailpolish!”

CAT: …on my freakishly fingerless hands!

*beep-beep-beep*

Prof. Utopium: “Buttercup, I know you’re a bit upset, but there’s no need to be rude to your sister. Now, give her the butter.”

Buttercup unwillingly passes the butter.

(The schoolbus arrives)

VEGETA: In the butter? That can’t be sanitary.

CAT: Since when did the guy who drinks the milk from the carton and eats all the Wheatbix with his hands care about sanitary?

Prof. Utopium: “Girls, it’s time for the bus. Now, be nice to eachother and don’t fight during class.”

PPG: “Yes dad.”

DEC: *as Professor* You’re only to fight and blow stuff up at breaks, remember?

(the fly out the door, Bubbles happy, Buttercup angry and Blossom very unhappy)

Meanwhile in Mojo Jojo’s not-so-very-secret-secret-hide-out.

Mojo Jojo: “Haha, finally, at last, I, the great Mojo Jojo, thought of a plan to destroy the PowerPuff Girls for good! Yes, with this plan, made up by me, Mojo Jojo, the PowerPuff Girls wil be beaten. Haha! Now, all I need is my interdimensional portal travel thing, which I, the great Mojo Jojo also created, and I can transfer the most evil people of all time!

CAT: No! Chris Evans!

DEC: Geri Haliwell!

SPIKE: Harmony!

VEGETA: Me!

Yes, I can bring the most evil, intelligent beings from the universe here, so to destroy the PowerPuff Girls! Hahahahaha! (More menacing laughter) Ha, some good menacing laughter every now and then sure does the body and mind good.

SPIKE: I always laugh menacingly before I go out for a brisk jog! It’s improved both my menacing nature AND my health 100%!

VEGETA: Menacing laughter- a healthy part of any evil diet.

Now, where did I leave my ‘Evil-beings-to-bring-here-with-my-great-and-fantastic-interdimensional-portal-travel-thing’ list? Ah yes, here is where I, Mojo Jojo left it. Right, the first man on my list: Pure evil itself! HIM!

SPIKE: Actually, Him are a band with merits…

DEC: *whispers* I think it means the devil, not the band.

SPIKE: I knew that, I did, I’m just… playing with your mind. *makes spooky hand movements* Ooo! Woooo!

CAT: You’re just not scary anymore, Spike. I’m sorry. *pats Spike on back*

Oh wait, I don’t need my interdimensional portal travel thing for that. He’s right here.”

(Mojo Jojo dials HIM’s phone number)

HIM: “HIM here, who is this?”

CAT: *old lady voice* It’s HER, your mother. You never call me, sonny…

Mojo Jojo: “It is I, Mojo Jojo, evil mastermind!”

HIM: “Right, what are you calling for? Last time you called was with that Gangreen Gang taking over the Mayor’s Office and we ended up saving the day! This better be something evil.”

CAT: *old lady voice* Are you still on that evil thing again, honey? I told you already, keep being evil and no good colleges will want you…

SPIKE: *shifts uncomfortably* Quit it, babe, you’re freaking me out a little…

CAT: *menacing old lady voice* Care for some ginger ale… of DEATH?

SPIKE: *small gibbering noises*

Mojo Jojo: “It is! Because I, Mojo Jojo thought of it, and, since I’m evil, my brilliant masterplan is also! Evil that is, and brilliant! I have invented something that can transfer every evil being to Townsville, and with them we can finally defeat the PowerPuff Girls!”

HIM: “Yes, that IS an evil plan. I’ll have to finish my exercise video,

VEGETA: Watching, or filming?

but after that, I’ll be on my way! And don’t start transferring people without me!”

(They hang up. HIM continues his exercise, Mojo Jojo waits impatiently.

DEC: *as Mojo* Where is HE? I demanded of him that he might be here to share with me the killing of the Powerpuff Girls, but here he is not! Why must he take so long with the long-taking? He certainly is taking quite a while, and annoying me, that is, I, Mojo Jojo, the one who is annoyed! *breathes* Oxygen…

Finally, after about 15 minutes, HIM arrives in a cloud of smoke)

Mojo Jojo: “Finally you have arrived! Now we can transfer evil beings with the great machine that I, the great Mojo Jojo invented!”

HIM (examining the machine) : “Hmm, not exactly how I would have made it, but I think it can serve it’s purpose.

VEGETA: *as HIM* You see, I’d have made with by salvaging scrap wood from the beach, to giveit a more cosy feeling, and as you know, shipwreck fashion is so the now!

CAT: Wow. What a totally sexy voice.

*beep-beep-beep*

Who were you planning on bringing here?”

Mojo Jojo: “That’s why I, Mojo Jojo, already made a list! Here, have a look.”

SPIKE: *as HIM* You’re bringing eggs, butter and cookie dough to kill the Powerpuff Girls?

CAT: *As Mojo* That is my shopping list which you are reading from in mistake!

SPIKE: *as HIM* That’s a lot of Nair you’re buying…

HIM (reads the paper): “Oh no, you can’t bring THEM here, they can’t even steal a pet from little child!”

Mojo Jojo: “What’s wrong with Team Rocket! They have great robots, great traps and good plans. And Jessie’s kind of cute!”

VEGETA: *snorts*

SPIKE: That psychotic bimbo? James is cuter than her, even…

*Cat and Dec stare*

SPIKE: Aw, fer god’s sake, I didn’t mean it like that, and you damn well know it.

HIM: “Points taken, but nevertheless, they’re not really evil, are they? If they were really evil, like us, it wouldn’t be a problem for them to steal that yellow rat. So, no Team Rocket. Who’s next. Myotismon? That evil vampire Digimon? Not a bad choice, he has a very good way of dressing, I’ve always envied him for that. Yes, bring him here!”

Mojo Jojo: Right, Myotismon. Now, I, the great Mojo Jojo shall bring Myotismon here with this interdimensional portal travel thing!”

VEGETA: What’s a Myotismon?

DEC: A Digimon, I think…

CAT: *gasp* Does this mean that Otaku Dec doesn’t know something about an anime?!

DEC: It’s a crap anime, to be fair…

VEGETA: Myotismon… I think Trunks had an eye infection called something like that. We had to take him to the doctor.

CAT: How’d it go?

VEGETA: I blew up the doctor.

CAT: Fair enough.

(In Digiworld, to be more precise, Myotismon’s palace)

SPIKE: Myotismon’s palace, the hottest club this side of Sunnydale!

Myotismon: Right, Demidevimon! You have failed one time too many! I shall teleport you here and then I can finally use that barbecue Piedmon got me for my birthday! I have a very good recipe for failing, worthless idiots.”

SPIKE: *as Jamie Oliver* Take one failing worthless idiot, chuck it in the pan, wham! Pukka! Roux sauce! Cool!

Demidevimon, very scared: “No, master! Please, it wasn’t my fault! It was that pesky Garurumon! He tried to bite my wings off! Master!

(Suddenly, Myotismon disappears)

Demidevimon: “Master? Where, where did you go? Master? Does this mean you won’t eat me?

DEC: *as Demidevimon* Damn, so close…

CAT: *whaps Dec over the head* Innuendo freak disgusting pervert gross no!

(Looks around some more) Does this mean, can it really be? Yes! At last I’m free from his torture! Now, I can finally go and be what I always wanted to be, a masterchef!”

(Demidevimon leaves the palace happily)

***fic sign beeps madly***

SPIKE: What? That’s it?

CAT: Nope, just break… *sigh*

DEC: Why exactly do we prolong the agony, d’you think?

VEGETA: Well, statisticly, a fanfic reader will get bored after a few minutes of reading a fic, thus, we like to break our fics into bitesize chunks that are quicker to read and hold the attention more. *cough* …did I just channel the author?

SPIKE: *nods slowly*

VEGETA: *pissed off* Bloody limits of our reality, can’t explode the bitch…

And this is where I leave you for now, til the second half of this fic. I’d have written an ending on it, but I got insulted by my own character, so sod that. As ever, fics to meeee, if thou wilst. Kojiro_muyo@hotmail.com.. And, again, check out either http://mst.dark-omens.com for fics by not just me, but a fair array of spiffing authors of the funny variety, and http://captaingreyhound.keenspace.com for a fairly distressing superhero plotless webcomic… [/self promotion]