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Title: MST3K 1/2- Sugar, Spice and Gunpowder... (Buffy)
Author: Kojiro
(http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=Directory-AuthorProfile&UserID=19476)
*begin the funky waah-waah guitar*
Another MiSTing done. :oD Part
of my ever-growing series, the one that’s just gained a fixed name and bad theme
song. As for disclaimers: *does the `not mine` dance* Only character I can claim
is Aoi, and the others are all OOC freaks. So, finally I got a Buffy fic!
Rejoice! It’s a little long, so I’ve split it up into two parts. BTW, find this
fic in it’s pure form, since it rocks. Another one that’s really too good to
MiST, but I did it anyway. As ever, fanfics to : dittoblue30@yahoo.co.uk or
blue@team-rocket.net. Any fic will be taken! Please! Feedback too. So, here we
go once more. And yes, another new crew member. I’m gaining quite the
collection, huh?
In the not-too distant future,
Somewhere in time
and space,
A random group of people are caught in an endless
chase,
Pursued by a woman whose name is Jessibelle,
An evil girl who
wants James to be hers,
She threw a few fics in her purse,
And in her
rocket ship she trails them all across the universe!
(Jessibelle- `You’re not
running properly!`)
Jessibelle: "I’ll send them cheesy fanfic,
The
worst I can find,
They’ll have to sit and read them all,
Until James is
mine!"
Now keep in mind they can’t control where the fanfics begin or
end,
They’ll have to keep their sanity with the help of their loyal
friends.
Reviewer role-call!
Antony! "Jessie, my darling!"
Scott!
"I’m losing my mind!"
Vegeta! "Why am *I* here?"
Spi-i-i-ke! "Sod
off."
The weird bits are innumerable, please try not to barf,
Just
repeat to yourself, it’s only a fic, turn off your brain and laugh,
Mystery
Surreal Theatre 3000 ½!
The monitor flickered to life, as ever,
accompanied by a twinkling ~ping~ noise that Jessibelle had added since her
takeover. Cat received the call with a scowl.
"What?" she asked,
grumpily.
"Hello, pet, is James about? Ah well, never mind. I’ve a challenge
for you!" Jessibelle trilled, seemingly all in one breath. Her Vileplume cooed,
gaining itself a sideways look from Giovanni’s Persian. The cat Pokémon was a
little confused of late. Giovanni had taken off for a holiday, leaving
Jessibelle to maintain the satellite crew. The cat was OK with this, but
Jessibelle just didn’t serve his Fancy Feast…right. It lacked something. It was
almost as if he was missing Gio. The kitty shrugged off the thought, and went
back to giving Cat a smarmy grin.
Jessibelle explained to her that the crew
would have to do a task to entertain her. If they succeed in making her laugh,
she’d do something nice for them.
"Nice?" asked Cat,
suspiciously.
Jessibelle simply grinned and ignored her. "The task today is
to imitate one another. You have an hour to sort it out. Best of luck!" she
giggled.
"Vile!" agreed her Vileplume, just as the screen turned
black.
"Group meeting!" yelled Cat loudly, followed by mumbling that
defiantly included the words "Bitch… prissy cow…"
Spike wandered vaguely into
the main room, where Cat was. He was drinking red liquid from a `Leo- meaning
feisty and strong-minded` cup. "What?" he asked, before slurping up the remnants
from the bottom of the cup.
Ant and Dec strolled in, arguing about something
to do with football, Pikachu perched on Declan’s shoulder, as ever, followed by
Jessie and Aoi. Aoi was trying to deconstruct her hair, which Jessie had
volunteered to style for her. Her fingers kept getting caught in clumps of wax
and hair spray. "Gah, it’s about a foot high! Getitoffgetitoff!"
"Done
something to your hair?" grinned Scott Evil, proud that he’d noticed the change.
Ant giggled at the odd structure on her head, until Jessie kicked his shin.
"It’s the latest style!" she snarled. "It looks gorgeous, dammit!"
"If you
say so." mumbled Ant, barely noticing the rising bruise, his mind mostly on the
fact that Jessie had made a sort of contact with him. Eventually, tall hair and
all, the crew assembled, and Cat explained the situation.
"She nicked that
idea off Big Brother." hissed Dec.
"Shh." Suggested James, a little late, as
Jessie was already reaching for her paper fan to thwap him with.
An hour
later, Aoi had pulled her hair back down, and the crew were ready. Jessibelle,
watching through the screen from her own ship, was munching a bag of popcorn
happily. "Now, I want to see my dearest fiancee James!" she commanded. Aoi
marched on screen, her hair flicked out like Jessie’s, dressed in the stupidly
tight, small uniform of a Team Rocket member. She stopped, flicked out her arm,
and caught her `James` by the collar, dragging him on. Scott looked sheepishly
at the screen, dressed, like Aoi, in the Team Rocket uniform. He’d flattened his
hair, and left a small piece on his forehead. Aoi thwapped him with a fan for no
reason, as the music started up in the background. They both pulled a
pose.
"To protect the world from devastation!" Aoi threw out her arm.
"To
unite all peoples within our nation!" Scott flashed a rose at the
monitor.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach
to the stars above!"
"Aoi, the violent, loud and annoying one!" Aoi pulled
two fans out of nowhere, and waved them around.
"Scott, the whiney and
pathetic one!" Scott held his rose up to his face.
"Team Rocket Blast off at
the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" They both stood
back to back, hands in fists. A tiny shape leapt between them. "Pi-pi, pikachu!"
squealed Pikachu, in a distinctly Jersey accent.
"I- er… *koff*" Scott
coughed until he got the right whine in his voice. "Eee, Jessie, I’m scared of
everything! Waaaaah!"
"Shut up, James! I’m sooo gonna beat you with this here
mallet!" Aoi attempted to grab a mallet out of thin air, and failed miserably.
"Er… this here mallet! Er…" eventually, she produced one, but dropped it on her
toe, and bounced around holding her foot and yelping.
Jessibelle smiled.
"Next!"
Scott carefully guided a limping Aoi off, to make way for Jessie,
Ant and Dec.
"OK, so, Jessie’s being Cat, and we’re being each other."
explained Ant, hurriedly, before pulling on Dec’s Pikachu jumper, and doing a
little skip. "Looky! I’m all short and whiney! I’m Declan! Ooo, where’s my
yellow rat thing?" Meowth leapt up on his shoulder "Pika-chew!" he purred. Dec
shot him a nasty look.
"Fine, then. Look at me, I’m Ant! I’m all horny and
grumpy and that! But I really have the brain of a fly, and the maturity of a
five year old!" Dec looked triumphant, then continued, "Ooo, Jessie, I love you
so! Marry me, Jess- umph!"
"’Scuse me." said Ant, calmly, as he dragged Dec
off with a hand over his mouth.
"My turn!" snarled Jessie, before remembering
to get in character. "Um… er… I’m so lovely and pretty! Look at me, beautiful
Cat! La-la-la! Doesn’t deep space look pretty today?" With some effort, she
smiled.
"Pffsh. Next." ordered Jessibelle.
Jessie stomped off, as Cat and
Spike dash on, Spike’s hair up in points, both wearing Green Day shirts. Cat
turned on a stereo, and they danced about wildly as a very loud Nirvana track
belted out. "Whee! We’re surly, cynical teenagers who really like loud music!
La-la-la!" yelled Spike, trying to be heard over the wailings of Kurt Cobain.
"Yeah, and there’s hormones everywhere! Check out all the sexual tension!"
Cat followed. Offscreen, Scott and Aoi shifted uncomfortably, looking a little
guilty. Spike and Cat moshed off.
"Hmm. And now, I get to see my dearest
James!" screeched Jessibelle.
James is pushed on screen by Spike. "Eeek! I
don’t want to! She scares me!" gibbered James.
"Pull yerself together! And
be me!" hissed Spike.
"Um." James pulled a relaxed pose, and swished his long
black coat about. "I’m all dark and broody, so I am. Um, English, too. Bloody,
bloody, scone, Manchester United, God save the Queen…" lighting a cigarette, he
took a drag of it, and coughed loudly. "Er… *koff* I want to kill Buffy, and
*cough* *cough* I miss my *hack* *koff* maniac girlfriend…"
"Ooo,
James-sweetest! You’re so good at that accent!" Jessibelle hopped about,
knocking her Vileplume from its comfortable perch on her knee. "I guess you win,
thanks to my sweetest!"
James pulled a face. "Thanks, I think."
"Now, as
you know, I’ll let you all go if Jamesy marries me-" A scream of dismay
interrupted her. She ignored it, and continued. "But since he won’t, you get
your fanfics. But, because of the wonderful job you did with that last task, I’m
giving you a treat!"
Cat raised her eyebrows. "No fanfic today?"
"Even
better." Jessibelle replied smugly. "You’re getting another crew
member!"
More yelling cut her off again. "I’m just gonna push this here
button, and see what happens! Get ready!"
She hit the button firmly, and a
screaming shape plummeted from the ceiling to the floor of the satellite,
thorough some inter-dimensional-hole-thingy. As it stood up, Jessie groaned.
"It’s another short bloke. Why are all the men here so damn short?"
"Hang
on," said Declan, "I recognise that hair! That’s Vegeta from Dragonball
Z!"
Vegeta scowled around. "Wha… what am I doing here? Thought I’d just been
killed by Frieza!"
"Seems that you’re taking a detour before you get
better." said Aoi.
"Better from being dead?" asked Meowth
quizzically.
"Um, yeah."
"What’s the deal? Why are all of this idiot
humans here?" asked Vegeta, his short temper rapidly burning out.
"You’re on
a Satellite! And you’re about to read a bad fanfiction! Enjoy!" grinned
Jessibelle. "Oh, and before I forget, since it’s a Buffy the Vampire Slayer
fction, I want Spike in there. Reading fiction about people you know is a
mind-bending, soul-destroying experience, you see. And Scott, too, since he
looks like a leading character."
Scott stood up, and made his way towards the
theatre. "Best not to argue." He said to the gaping Vegeta. "Just read, mock, be
tortured, and do it all again next time."
He caught Ant’s sleeve on the way
out. "You come too."
"Why me?" stammered Ant.
"You weren’t quick enough to
stop me grabbing your sleeve."
"Fair enough."
All four stepped through the
theatre door.
"That was odd." Mumbled Aoi.
"Don’t like him." Jessie folded
her arms.
Cat grinned. "Why not? He’s all…. muscley."
"Eww, Cat." Meowth
pulled a face.
"Well he is!"
Aoi coughed. "What were you trying to imply
about me and Scott, by the way?" she asked, perturbed.
"Oh, nothing. Erm,
Aoi?"
"Yes?"
"Please put down the baseball bat..."
"Nope."
There was
a *thawp* noise, and James looked away quickly.
"Eww."
"Ow…" said Cat,
before she fainted.
*** Scott enters first, still dragging Ant by his
shirt. They’re followed by Spike, who’s explaining the idea of MiSTing to
Vegeta.***
VEGETA: I shouldn’t have to do this! I’m the prince of a whole
planet!
SCOTT: It blew up!
VEGETA: The title still stands,
dammit!
SCOTT: Right…
VEGETA: I could blow you into dust and gory mess,
you know?
Author: jisuka-hime Rating: Umm...pj just to be sure. Title:
Sugar, Spice, and Gunpowder... what little girls are made of Summary: Oz escapes
one night and does stuff and a girl turns up and theres woods and trees and
stuff.
ANT: I love these precise summaries.
SCOTT: Did this person
write the encyclopaedias at our school?
Story: ***** [Sunnydale High
Library, early morning] "Angel, how could you be so stupid!" Giles fumed, ready
to burst right in the middle of the library.
SPIKE: KABOOM! And pieces
of an English Librarian flutter gently to the ground.
ANT: Eww.
VEGETA:
I’d have thought he’d go `Splat,` really. I should know, I’ve splattered many a
person.
OTHERS: *back away*
"Hey, it's not the end of the world."
Angel replied. "Not the end of the world! Oh no!" Willow tempter raged,
SCOTT: Look out! Raging Tempter on the loose! Argh!
ANT: Wassa
`tempter?`
SCOTT: I have no idea.
her anger slowly matched her hair
color, "It's only that my boyfriend is god knows where. You know something,
you're a real truckin' moron..."
VEGETA: (as Willow) Keep on trucking,
damn you!
The young witch paused, "Great, I'm so mad, I can't even curse
right." "I must admit, I goofed by sleeping on the job a few times." Xander
added, "But, this man, takes the cake."
ANT: Angel stole the
cake?
SPIKE: Then he really goofed. Willow loves that cake.
"I...
I..." Angel tried to speak. "How could you let Oz out of the book cage on the
night of the full moon?" Giles asked in his Ripper-esque rage. "I thought he had
to go... take care of some business." Angel answered.
SCOTT: Yeah,
Oz-Wolf had to pop out to Wall Street, buy a few, sell a few, you know, just…
business.
"Angel, why do you think we have the newspaper laid out on the
floor." Buffy said. "Oh!"
VEGETA: (as Angel) I thought that was for if
*I* had an accident! Right, now it makes sense!
SPIKE: I’m liking this.
Angel’s a wussy idiot.
"I swear, if anyone gets hurt, I will see that you
spend another summer in Hell, Angel." Buffy added. "And I'll personally lock you
up and torture you."
ANT: Ooo, hello.
SCOTT: That meant to be a
threat…?
ANT: Hey, Buffy! I let Oz out! He ate a bus full of Boy Scouts! Lock
*me* up! Rrrowr.
Willow subtracted. "And I'll watch." Xander multiplied.
"And you don't want to know what I plan to do with you." Giles divided.
VEGETA: Hmph, surreal.
ANT: They doing math while discussing
this?
SCOTT: Doesn’t everyone? I hate you, Dad! 33 times 2 is 66! I wanna
kill myself! The square root of 4 is 2!
The Angel bashing finally stopped
SPIKE: Aww.
VEGETA: Don’t stop on our account, please.
as
someone walked in the door. "Oz." Everyone turned and noticed that Oz, in his
human form, has entered the library.
SCOTT: Who’s that good looking
guy?
SPIKE: That’s wolf-boy.
SCOTT: That’s me! Gah, identity crisis!
That’s all I need.
"Where were you?" Willow walked over to greet her
boyfriend. She thanked god that he was safe and sound.
ANT: (as God) No
problem, Willow, anything for a Wiccan who doesn’t even believe in
me.
OTHERS: Uh?
ANT: It’s a whole different thing if you’re
Wiccan.
SCOTT: (mumbling) Another notch to add to my psyche… along with the
unloving parents, poor transcript syndrome, shock and fear of deep
space…
"I don't remember." Oz answer "Speaking of forest." Xander said,
nodding over to Angel,
SPIKE: Don’t mean to be picky, but who spoke of
forest?
SCOTT: If somebody had mentioned the pine-fresh scented polish, or
the large expanse of trees near the library, then I’d get it. But no forests
were mentioned!
"Did you congratulate Gump over here on the fine job he
did watching you." "No, I didn't." The teen wolf replied.
ANT: (as Oz)
So now I’m here, congratulations! I’ve never eaten a whole nursing home before,
but thanks to your efforts, my dream is now reality.
"Well, what's
important is that you're back in one piece and no one got hurt." Buffy smiled.
Suddenly, in the light of all this good news, and equal amount of bad news just
walked in the doorway. "Hey, Cordelia." Xander was the first to notice the
person who walked in. "Shouldn't you all be in your first period class by now."
The may queen wondered. What do you need, Cordelia?" asked the Librarian. "I got
to do this current event report, do you got any books on Kosovo?" Cordelia
replied, "Oh, and there was something else? Oh.... Did you guys hear, about what
everyone is talking about." "Hey," The slayer jumped out of her seat, and
immediately got defensive. "There is nothing going between me and an..y...
err.:" Suddenly, everyone now had their heads turned to Buffy, who suddenly
became flushed and embarrassed, "Ahem, hack... no, Cordelia, we haven't heard."
"Well, everyone been talking about
ANT: (as Cordelia) My bad
grammar.
this gruesome murder,"
ANT: Yeah, that too…
Cordy
replied. "This is Sunnydale, Cordelia." The tweed-clad guardian said, "Can you
be more specific." "Sure, the one I'm talking about was with some sweet old lady
who got butchered somewhere in the forest," The annoying cheerleader explained,
"Her guts were everywhere, the heart was shredded, and bone arranged in god
knows what kind of a configuration. People say it was done by a wild animal."
SCOTT: Eww…
VEGETA: But the bone was nicely arranged! It would have
to be the Martha Stewart of wild animals to make an old women into a
Thanksgiving centrepiece!
SPIKE: (as Martha) Freshly shredded heart and a
little liver garnish is the perfect way to kick off your party!
That just
made Oz's day. "Oh, and Buffy." Cordelia said. "What?" "I already know about
your little secret with you know who?" Buffy suddenly blushed again, "I don't
know what you're talking about." Willow got up to ask the question, "Why is
everyone being so cryptic?"
*****
ANT: (As Xander) Geez, Will, no
need to swear and stuff…
[The Bronze, late night] Buffy walked in and
began to look for her friends. After a long night of vampire slaying, she could
finally have the rest of the night to herself.
ANT: (as Buffy) Finally,
enough time to crochet that `I love English Vampires` sweater I’ve been meaning
to do.
SPIKE: *snarling* What are you implying?
ANT:
N-nothing…
That is unless someone decides to attack the Bronze, but that
never happens (yeah right). "Xander." The slayer approached, "Where's Willow?"
"I keep telling you, there is nothing going on between us.So, why does everyone
think that I always know where she is. Quit giving me the third degree." Xander
said all defensively. "Where's Willow?" "She's at home, she said she has a lot
of homework. But I'm still offended." The boy replied. "By what?" "Nevermind."
"So are you here by yourself?" "Actually no." Xander answered, "I've met a nice
girl." "Really? That's great." The slayer replied, "So, tell me. How much?"
VEGETA: $150 per… hey!
Very funny." Xander looked away for a
brief second, "Wait! Here she comes." Buffy turned and from a distance all she
could notice was a female in a red hood coming to this table.
SCOTT:
It’s Miss Scarlet!
ANT: Watch out for the lead pipe in the billiard
room!
As the girl came closer, the slayer got a better look at the
individual: a young girl with crystal blue eyes, soft yellow hair, wearing a
pretty pink dress and holding a picnic basket. "Hello, I want you to meet a
friend of mine, this is Buffy." Xander said. "Hello." The red hooded girl
greeted. "Hi." Buffy replied, and then she turned to Xander, noticing another
interesting feature about the young girl.
ANT: Her extra head?
SCOTT:
The hair on her tongue?
SPIKE: The adam’s apple?
VEGETA: Her third
eye?
"Xander, this girl is only thirteen."
SCOTT: Or, yeah,
something more sane, like Xander’s a paedophile.
"So?" Xander shrugged.
"I mean, come on, she's the same age as your IQ."
VEGETA: Naw, she can’t
be! A two year old wouldn’t be allowed in the Bronze.
SCOTT: A `Xander’s a
dumbass` gag?
ANT: He’s new, let’s let him be. Plus, he can blast us all
into dust.
SCOTT: Fair point.
Buffy retorted boldly, "Aren't you being
a bit desperate here?" "You got admit, she's more mature than my last
girlfriend." The boy explained. "Faith or Cordelia." "Both of them combined."
"Thanks a lot, Xander." Buffy swiftly hit him across the head, "You just sent me
to
VEGETA: Another dimension!
SPIKE: I was going to say `Dairy
Queen`, but yours works better.
a scary visual place." She then turned to
the little girl, "So, tell me, what are you doing here?" "I'm here to take care
of some business." The girl explained, "When will the band be here?" "Soon."
Buffy replied. "You know, my best friend is dating a member from the band."
Xander bragged. "That would be the werewolf, right?"
SCOTT: (as Xander)
Naw, the zombie next to him… oh wait, that’s just Devon.
The little girl
asked. "Correct." "Good..." The girl smiled and stroked her basket, as if she
was hiding something wicked, "That's all I needed to know." Xander was too
stupid to figure out what the girl was up to.
SPIKE: (as Xander) Duh,
basket purty. Me like.
VEGETA: (as Xander) Xander smash!
Buffy would
have caught on, but her attention was focused elsewhere. "Hold on, you two, I'll
be right back." The slayer replied. "Excuse me, Xander." The girl asked in her
sweet tone voice,
ANT: As opposed to her gravelly voice she saves for
special occasions.
"Do you where I can get a good aim... ack... shot... I
mean... view of the stage." "Sure, you can take those stairs, they should lead
to the balcony."
SCOTT: (as Xander) Duh, from there, you can kill Oz
just dandy.
"Thank you," The red hooded child kissed Xander on the cheek
before skipping off towards the stairs, and she grinned unable to believe what
an idiot that boy was. Meanwhile, at the stage, Oz and the rest of the band
where getting. Devon was busy eating a banana, being the lazy druggie that he
is.
VEGETA: Yeah, all lazy druggies eat bananas.
SPIKE: They sell
them at rock concerts, you know, since they mark you out as a druggie.
Oz
was keeping himself occupied with the wires,
ANT: (as Oz) Ooh, purty
wires! This one’s shiny! Wow, I wanna build my nest with it!
when
suddenly and brooding figure lurked from behind. Oz was keeping himself occupied
with the wires,
ANT: (as Oz) Ooh, purty wires! This one’s shiny! Wow, I
wanna build my nest with it!
when suddenly and brooding figure lurked
from behind.
*all blink*
SPIKE: Wha…?
ANT: Deja vu much?
SCOTT:
I really am going mad now.
He turned when there was a sudden tap, which
scared the living hell out of him. It was Angel. "Angel, hello." Oz greeted,
warmly and shakenly. "Listen, Oz." The vampire spoke trying not to sob,
SPIKE: *roars with laughter*
SCOTT: OK, he’s got a bigger complex
than me.
SPIKE: Woo hoo haaa!
"I just wanted to apologize for what
happen. It must sound awful knowing that you could be responsible for the death
of that old woman." "I doesn't bother me." Oz replied, in his monotonic
VEGETA: That a word?
SPIKE: I think it’s a drink.
ANT: You think
everything’s a drink. I caught you trying to drink the satellite’s fuel
earlier.
SCOTT: Can I have a mono with tonic, please?
emotional state,
"The way I see it is that the old lady was old, right? So death was bound to
happen, sooner or later." "That's a good point." Angel replied, "Hey, Oz, by any
chance are you a Brahma?" "No, why?" "Because, I just noticed the red dot on
your forehead."
VEGETA: (as Oz) Argh! Red fly! Get it off get it off get
it off!
"Angel, are you sure you haven't had too much to drink?" Oz
answered in a bitter tone, which is hard to spot. "What's wrong." "Nothing, it's
just I'm doing all this work while the rest of the band is sitting on their
ass." The guitarist explained and sighed, "I wish someone would just shoot me."
Abruptly, Oz tripped over the banana peel that Devon carelessly left on the
floor,
ANT: Didn’t slip on it, tripped over it.
SPIKE: (as Oz) Argh!
What the hell kind of giant mutant bananas are you eating, Devon?
then he
saw the speakers behind him explode in a rain of sparks. In deep puzzlement, the
band walked over to the speakers and took a good look at it.
VEGETA: (as
Devon) Yup, it exploded! My hypothesis is correct!
"Man, what happened,
these speakers cost over three hundred buck." Devon said, "We can't have them
ruined." "Dev, they belong to the Bronze." Oz commented, "We don't own them."
"Well, I was hoping we could steal them after the show." He replied, "Wow! It's
looks like a bullet hole." "Hey, Oz." Angel said, "What happened to your dot?"
Oz quickly felt around his forehead trying to find the dot that was once there.
"This is bad, in Hindu culture it's bad karma if your lose your dot."
ANT: Scott lost his marbles, does that count?
SCOTT:
*gibbers*
"Wait, I see it." The vampire pointed the laser dot that was on
the ground, and immediately thought it was magic when he saw it moving towards
Oz.
SPIKE: *giggling* (as Angel) Angel fear bad voodoo!
VEGETA: He
has a point. Voodoo is terrifying. Ever seen Zombie Flesh Eaters?
*shivers*
SCOTT: That one with the guys in rubber masks?
VEGETA: It looked
realistic!
ANT: I just lost a whole lot of respect for you.
But it
didn't take long for Devon to realize what that red dot really was.
SPIKE: (as Devon) I’m a lazy, banana eating druggie, yet I’m quicker
than Angel.
With a small leap he pushed Oz out of the way, when the dot
reached the forehead and took the painful punishment of the next bullet.
VEGETA: Hey, did Devon just die for Oz?
ANT: Coo, blimey.
SCOTT:
(as Devon) I love you, Oz, man! I’ll die for you! You’re just so wonderfully
handsome! And your hair is perfection itself!
SPIKE: We all know he looks
like you, Scott, quit complimenting yourself.
SCOTT: *grins*
"I think
we're going to need help." Oz noted. "I agree." Angel said, "I can make it to
the skyroof,
VEGETA: Skyroof?
ANT: As opposed to
groundroof.
SCOTT: Or skyfloor.
SPIKE: (as Oz) You do that, I’ll patrol
the groundfloor.
from there I'll head back to my place and then over to
Buffy's." "Why do you need to head to your place?" "To change my underwear."
SPIKE: Haheehee!
Angel headed towards the rope, "You stay right
here." "Sure," Oz nodded watching the red dot moving slowly towards him again,
"No problem." The heroic vampire climbed up that the rope that would lead to the
balcony that led to the skyroof.
ANT: …that led to the sky, that led to
the stars, that led to space, that led to… who knows?
As his feet landed
on the balcony floor, he spotted a little girl in a red hood with a .45 magnum
pistol where it was aim at the stage. "Hey, little girl. What are you doing?"
Angel asked.
VEGETA: (as girl) Waiting for a bus,
obviously.
"Giving a werewolf his shots." The girl replied as she aimed
through the laser scope. "Oh, have fun." The vampire said as he walked the
skyroof, then when he froze in his tracks he then realized something and walked
over to the little girl. "Excuse me." He inquired,
SPIKE: (as Angel) But
where did you get that hood? I’ve been looking all over for one just like that
for myse…er… Buffy.
"There is someone trying to shoot my friend, you
wouldn't happen to see someone with a gun or something?" "Sorry mister." She
grinned as her finger was slowly stroking the trigger and then whispered, "Say
your prayers wolf-boy." "Okay, sorry to both you, miss."
ANT: (as Angel)
Sorry to both of you, Miss.
Angel left, but he accidentally tripped and
knocked the little girl down, causing her to fire her gun and miss her target.
SCOTT: (as Angel) Duh-huh! Did I do that?
SPIKE: *giggling* This is
true excellence!
"Idiot! You made me miss my target!" The little girl
yelled. "Wait! You're the one trying to kill Oz?" "Wow, you figures that out all
by yourself." She snickered, "Or did you ready the script ahead of time." "I
going to take that gun away from you now." The vampire proclaimed with his game
face morphed.
SPIKE: *Gay* face?
VEGETA: *Game* face.
SPIKE:
Aww.
"Little girls should play with those things. Someone could get hurt.
Like me." "I like to see you try." Angel dashed toward the girl and placed his
hands on the gun, but she refused to let go so easily. The vampire could only
extort all of his strength to help wrestle the firearm. It was only futile for
the weak little girl was too much for Angel.
SPIKE: *in hysterics* I
like this story very much. Angel’s a wussy nancy boy poof, just like real
life.
Gunshots flared left and right as the two engaged in this petty
struggle Meanwhile, down below nobody seemed to noticed what was going on above
them, except for Xander. Buffy walked over to Xander's table. "What's going on?"
She asked. "Someone is up on the balcony firing a gun." The boy explained.
"Wait!" Buffy looked around, "Xander, where is your little friend."
VEGETA: (as Xander) Oh, that’s gotta be a come on!
"She said she
wanted a better view of the stage, so I told her go up to the balcony." "Oh, my
God!" The slayer gasped, "That poor little girl could be up there with some
crazed gunman, she could be scared to death." "Or shoot to death." Xander added.
Buffy pulled a stake out of her purse and then said, "I'm going up there." On
the Balcony scene, Angel and the little girl
ANT: …and Romeo and
Juliet…
VEGETA: …and Pinky and the Brain…
continued their fight over
the pistol. Angel was clearly losing. He knew the girl would wrestle the gun
away from him if he continued like this. Instead he pushed the child down to the
ground, and knocked the gun out of both their reaches. "Ow!" The little girl
felt the new bruise around her forehead, then started to cry, "How can you do
that to me, I'm just a little girl." "I'm sorry." Angel let his guard down and
moved toward the girl, who suddenly gave him a powerful punch in the stomach.
The vampire dropped in pain, spotted the gun that was thrown in the corners and
decided to make a run for it. With the gun in his possession, Angel grinned
fiendishly. Buffy finally made it up the balcony
SPIKE: (As Buffy) Geez,
that traffic… hey, Angel, getting your arse kicked by a kid again?
and
joined in, "Angel." She said, seeing him with the gun, and the little girl
bruised and in tears. "Oh my god!" She could not believe what was happening.
"Buffy, it not what it looks like." Angel said.
VEGETA: (as Angel) You
know I’m not macho enough to take down a whole little girl!
SCOTT: (as Buffy)
You’re right! Just like the death struggle with the spider that didn’t go down
the plug hole properly last night!
"The bad man is trying to hurt me."
The girl walked behind Buffy defensively. "How could you, Angel." The slayer
yelled, "She's just a little girl." "Please, it's not like I haven't maimed
children before." Angel replied. "Opps, I shouldn't have said that."
SPIKE: (as Angel) Probably shouldn’t mention the families, old people or
puppies that I killed, either, then. Ooo, and your favourite teacher! Snapped
her neck right in half! Kerrr-snap! Bwahahaha!
Buffy and Angel stood in a
state of confrontation, their attention was away from the little girl who was
slowly walking towards her picnic basket to pull out another
SCOTT:
Baguette?
gun.
SCOTT: I’d prefer a baguette. With cheese and
pickle.
VEGETA: *gives him a sideways look*
SCOTT: What?
What?
"Freeze!" The kid screamed, with her XP-500 Super Soaker pointed at
Buffy. Angel swiftly reacted by aiming his gun at the girl. "You shoot her, and
I'll shoot you." Angel threatened. The child just giggles girlishly,
ANT: And then macho-ly, and then ancient-ly and then girlishly
again.
"Silly boy, that gun has no bullets." "Oh." The vampire took a
quick glance at the gun, and then asked, "You wanna trade guns?" "Sure." The
girl offered, and they exchanged firearms. Angel smiled, aimed the colorful
soaker at the girl, and fired. But the girl was still standing and squeezing the
trigger on produced only water. "You dumb ass." The little girl now couldn't
stop laughing, "That is just a water gun. You just had the real gun in your
hand."
SPIKE: Can I worship this fic as my God?
"But, you said
that gun didn't have any bullets?" Angel said all panicky. "How silly of me, I
fibbed. That was wrong of me." The girl squeezed the trigger and shot Angel down
and then pointed the gun at Buffy. "Back." The slayer said, holding her stake
high in the air, "I got a stake and I'm afraid to use it."
SPIKE: (as
Buffy) Ach, I’ll wave this pointy stick at you! *laughs*
ANT: Is he
OK?
VEGETA: Seems a little happy for someone being tortured with
fanfics…
"Only an idiot would bring a stake to a gunfight." The little
girl said "Now, I really hate to do this, but I can't have people getting in my
way. Hehehe, I bet you must be sweating bullets now. opps.wrong choice of
words."
SCOTT: (as little girl) I should have said `Shi-
VEGETA:
*clamps a hand over Scott’s mouth* Watch your language!
SCOTT: Umph.
ANT:
You wouldn’t be saying that if you weren’t dubbed. The Japanese you would
swear.
SCOTT: Mmph.
The laser dot slowly moved toward Buffy's head.
And right before the girl could squeeze the trigger, the slayer fainted.
SPIKE: *gasping for breath* Hehee…hee… this is just too good… can I get
a copy of this for when I go back?
The little girl just shrugged, and
then grabbed her picnic basket. She wasted too much time with these two, her
target would have been long gone by now. The girl ran off, determined to finish
what she started. *****
SPIKE: *looks over to the indicator lights* Aww,
that’s it?
SCOTT: It’s in two parts, you get more later.
SPIKE: *giggles
again* Wahey! This was more fun than those other fics.
VEGETA: What other
fics?
SPIKE: *still hyper* Well, you were in them, and we called you a poof,
and talked about your subscription to the Playboy channel… *stops, realises what
he just said*… Eep!
VEGETA: Gah!
*Spike bolts out of the theatre,
followed by Vegeta, who’s going blonder by the second. Scott and Ant wait until
he’s definitely gone, then follow carefully afterwards.*
Part two to
come! Celebrate! Rejoice! Or don’t. Fics to dittoblue30@yahoo.co.uk.
Review this story! Please?