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Title: Hello, Stranger (Team Rocket fic) MiSTed
Author: Kojiro
(http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=Directory-AuthorProfile&UserID=19476)
Here I go MSTing again. *sigh* Ach, not to be discouraged, I’ll try
to make it a good one. As ever, blue@team-rocket.net for any MSTing requests (no
chance you’ll be refused, I’m too desperate)
I apologise in advance to James
fans. Hey, I love the guy, but he’s more than a little dumb and camp.
Sorry!
Ever heard that urban legend about that popping candy stuff, Pop
Rocks, and soda? Hope so, ‘cause it’s the basis for the intro. OK, here
goes…
"Go on, Scott, next one!"
Scott threw the M&M in the air.
The other crew members, minus Spike, who was rummaging in the kitchen, leapt in
the air for it. Cat, stood on Jessie’s shoulders, made a wild grab for the tiny
blue sweet, her fingers closing around it miraculously.
"That’s three-two to
the women, guys. You lose!" Scott commented.
"We would have been further
ahead if James hadn’t eaten the last one." glared Ant, picking himself up off
the floor where a misplaced grab had landed him. Dec gave the girl’s team a
nasty look. They were doing a victory dance which involved swinging Meowth
around in circles. "Stupid game, anyway."
"Hey, when you were winning, Catch
The M&M was an `innovation`!" countered Aoi. "Sore loser!"
A small slap
fight broke out between Declan and Aoi, while Ant and James argued in the
background. "It fell in my mouth! I didn’t eat it on purpose!" whined James. The
noises rose in volume, until a metallic *whump* sound cut through it. Spike had
arrived, unheard, and slammed a can of cream soda onto the table, followed by a
packet of something.
"You ponces want to play a *real* candy game?" he
hissed. Aoi let go of Dec’s hair. "Are those Pop Rocks?" she asked suspiciously.
"That they are. Anyone want to eat them… and wash them down with a
SODA?"
The assembled crew gasped. Everyone knew what happened when you drink
soda after eating popping candy, or at least, what happened to little Mikey.
Exploded, they said, his stomach blew up from the deadly combination. Everyone
knew this. Apart from James, apparently.
"Whoo, I love Pop Rocks!" he
grinned, and ate the whole packet, followed by the soda.
Spike snickered. So
he could get around the chip in his head, the one that stopped the vampire from
hurting or killing, by indirectly killing a stupid guy. Useful knowledge. Just
have to wait for the fireworks now.
Jessie shook James’ arm roughly. "What
are you doing?" she screeched. "You going to explode, you dumbass!"
"He won’t
explode." said Scott, using much the same cynical voice he used to address his
fatjer, Dr. Evil. "It’s candy and soda. I’ve had those together more times then
I can count!" He was duly ignored.
"Don’t be daft, Jess. Although… my stomach
does kinda hurt…"
Jessie let out a howl of despair, and clung to her
team-mate. "Oh, James. So young, and so innocent…"
Her premature eulogy was
cut short by a flashing light.
Cat solemnly pushed the button on the
monitor.
Giovanni’s face flashed into view, or at least what you can see of
it through the shadows.
"Greetings, all. Today I’m doing some of you a
favour. This is a rather nice, cosy, *shippy* fic starring some of the crew
members. Since I heard that reading a fic with yourself in is great punishment,
causing much mental anguish, I want those two members present in the theatre.
Now…" he trailed off, noticing the looks on the faces of the group, and a
sobbing Jessie clinging to a bewildered James. Meowth was attached to James leg,
crying like Jessie. An annoyed Scott was yelling "It’s an urban legend! It’s not
true!"
Gio sniffed, and massaged his cat Pokémon’s ears. "I’m not even going
to ask. Jessie, James, in the theatre. And I need two anime fans in there with
them. Who shall I pick?"
He ignored Declan’s waving hand, and his gaze fell
on Aoi, who was wearing her Ranma ½ shirt, and Scott, who was wearing a
Dragonball Z pin. Both giggled nervously, Scott removing the pin quickly, and
Aoi hiding behind him to cover her shirt.
"You two."
"Aw, greyhounds."
cursed Aoi, as they headed toward the theatre, following Jessie and
James.
"Bye, James! We’ll miss you! Don’t explode until we’ve made the
funeral plans!" called Cat.
Looking over his shoulder as he was gently pushed
through the doors by Jessie, he said "Explode? What?"
***All enter the
theatre, James rapidly questioning Jessie about little Mikey’s exploding legend,
Scott re-attaching his future Trunks badge, and Aoi dragging her feet, arriving
last.***
JAMES: Jessie! I don’t wanna explode! *cries*
JESSIE: It’s OK,
James… A Team Rocket member won’t go out in such a way! We’ll get you out of
this!
SCOTT: And enjoy your last fanfic ever, starring you!
AOI: Yup,
let’s be good natured.
SCOTT: (to Aoi) He isn’t going to explode, It’s just a
dumb myth!
AOI: He might do! You never know!
Hello,
Stranger
AOI: (As Dr Nick) Hi, everybody!
ALL: Hi, Dr Nick!
By
Zero
+++
JESSIE: Zero plus three?
SCOTT: Heheee, James is in a
fanfic, James is in a fanfic…
JAMES: Shut up! I’m sure it’ll be tastefully
done. And have respect for the nearly-dead!
"James...after talking it
over with my associates, we have made a decision. This was not an easy decision
to make.
AOI: (as `person`)We’ve decided that you’re too camp to live,
James.
JESSIE/JAMES: *evil look*
I had offers coming in from all
across the globe, almost a thousand total. This is a job that requires
dedication, respect, an unquestioning sense of loyalty, and not everyone could
promise me that. You do understand the ramifications of this?"
SCOTT:
Like he knows what a ramification is.
JAMES: I do so! It’s like a mountain
goat, right?
AOI: Hehee…
"I understand, sir." He was so nervous he was
shaking. His voice cracked as he spoke.
JESSIE: About time his voice
broke.
JAMES: Jess!
SCOTT: She does have a point, Jim.
JAMES: I know,
but I need comfort at the end of my life!
"I hope so. As the newest
member of Team Rocket, I will expect nothing but the best." Giovanni looked up
from his paperwork, trying to stare down the new recruit.
SCOTT: ARGH!
JAMES: Giovanni!
*all cower*
JESSIE: Wait, it’s fake fic Giovanni, not
real Giovanni!
ALL: Yay!
"And it will be an honor to give you my
best!", he said, trying to resist the urge to just jump for joy!
"You will
not be alone. A more ... experienced Rocket has offered to take you on as an
apprentice. You will be expected to give your trainer nothing but the highest
level of respect.
JAMES: My *trainer?*
AOI: (as Trainer) Sit, James,
sit! Goood James!
JAMES: If it’s Jessibelle, I’ll hunt down this author…
something which I’ll have to do in the next hour or so, of course.
*sobs*
JESSIE: *wails*
SCOTT: He won’t explode! It’s candy,
dammit!
You report directly to your trainer, which makes you, of course,
a subordinate. You will remember that!!"
"I will, sir. And...what's his
name?"
"Her name is Jessie, and she is a force that can put a thousand men to
shame."
JESSIE: *Grins* Hah! I put shame on your whole gender!
SCOTT:
Great, we’ll never hear the end of this…
JESSIE: Note how Jessibelle doesn’t
put any shame on men.
"Oh....uh....oh." He shifted nervously, wondering
what he just got himself in to.
AOI: Run, fake fic James! Run before you
meet her!
***Thwap***
AOI: Ow.
+++
SCOTT: Plus another
three.
JAMES: Six now.
"You must be James," called a high, soft voice.
Leaning in James' doorway, she smiled. "Aren't you going to invite me
in?"
"Uh, yes! Yes, ma'am, come on in, please!" He ran around the room,
trying to get his uniform straight, threw his top shirt on, and slid to the
door. "Please please! You're invited!"
"My name is Jessie. I'm sure the boss
already explained to you our 'arrangement'?"
SCOTT: (as Jessie) I beat
you over the head and degrade you every now and then. And of course, you are
required to cross dress every week.
JESSIE: That’s almost word for
word.
"Yes, ma'am, I am to blindly follow you!" James was dumbfounded,
staring, nearly drooling! Of all the trainers he could have gotten, why did
Giovanni have to assign him to the most gorgeous woman in the world? She -- was
-- perfect !!!
JESSIE: *even morre grins*
JAMES: Oh, great.
AOI:
Geez, thank you, Zero plus six! How in the Heck are we meant to deflate her ego
now?
JESSIE: Perfect… and a force to put men to shame… the true inner me has
been captured!
How could he think about Pokemon at a time like this? She
was amazing, wonderful, beautiful, fiery, spunky, pretty, stacked, a goddess of
love...
JESSIE: (as James) And many other verbs I forget right now, but
they’re all good. And correct!
JAMES: Stacked?
SCOTT: Like
shelves?
AOI: Like Pringles?
SCOTT: The author’s assuming that James has a
vocabulary that big.
JESSIE: Goddess… hehee.
"...so, as members of
Team Rocket, we need a suitable presentation...and are you even listening to
me?!" She slammed her clipboard down on his head with a deafening
CRACK!
"Yes...oooh, I'm dizzy now..."
JAMES: Shouldn’t have had all
those Martinis, then, should you? Erm, I, I think.
They worked day and
night, Jessie on her power trip, James (usually) blindly obedient and completely
riveted, except when he let his mind and his eyes wander.
JESSIE: Sounds
about right.
AOI: (as Jessie) James, your eyes are wandering again! Keep
them on a short leash, like I told you!
James quickly learned Team
Rocket's rules of fighting,
SCOTT:
Bitch-slapping.
uniforms,
AOI: Tiny, for both men and women. It’s
a kind of equality.
when to call the boss,
SCOTT: Not during
Baywatch!
everything else he needed to know.
AOI: (as Jessie)
James, we keep the cookies on a high shelf so that Mondo can’t reach
them.
They battled Ekans and Koffing until they could battle no more,
trying to shape James and his Pokemon up for the battles that counted. Jessie
was fighting the good fight, for Team Rocket, for Giovanni,
JAMES:
Bah!
JESSIE: Fat lot of good that did.
and for the truth she held
inside. James had forsaken and forgotten that fight already...he only had one
thing on his mind and in his heart, and that was Jessie.
JESSIE: *turns
to look at James*
JAMES: What? This isn’t me talking!
Argh!
+++
JESSIE: Plus nine now.
"All right, James, now all
we need is an intro."
"An intro?"
"Yes, to let people know we're here! To
intimidate them! But don't worry, I've been working on one this whole time." She
handed him a piece of paper...he drew a sharp breath. He was in awe of her
beautiful script, and the words that seemed to say volumes.
JAMES: `Her
beautiful script?`
SCOTT: You’ve got to admit, she writes quite the shopping
list.
"To protect the world from devastation! To unite all peoples within
our nation!," he read aloud, "To denounce the evils of truth and love! To extend
our reach to the stars above! Jessie..." he read her name in a hushed voice,
stars in his eyes,
AOI: (as James) Ow! There’s stars in my eyes! Get the
iodine and band aids, Jess!
"James...Team Rocket blasts off at the speed
of light!" He put the paper down, his jaw hanging open in amazement. "Oh,
Jessie...it's beautiful!"
JESSIE: (as James) I’ve never seen writing
paper like this, my Goddess Queen!
SCOTT: You’re having too much fun with
this.
JESSIE: *grins* Heheee…
"We fight a war of beauty, James. Not
only are we trying to find Pokemon, we are trying to make an epic, a romantic
tale of beauty and triumph! We are not Pokemon thieves, we are not Giovanni's
goons, we are Team Rocket!"
JAMES: Yeah, we’re Team Rocket, Giovanni’s
thieving goons! It’s a completely different thing, honest!
She stood,
pulling him up. "Are you ready to do battle? Are you ready to die for beauty and
the ultimate truth? Are you ready to get that Pikachu?"
"I AM READY!" He
grabbed his Pokeball and dutifully followed Jessie out the
door.
+++
ALL: (absently) 12.
Ash Ketchum was tired. He huffed
and puffed, trying to
SCOTT: Blow down the house of the three little
Mankeys.
talk himself into walking those last few miles to Cerulean City.
The Cerulean Gym and his first badge awaited! Pikachu was by his side, pulling
on his pant leg to hurry him up. Ash could see the faint outline of the city in
the distance, but couldn't make it without a rest.
"Pika pi! Pika
pikachuuu!"
"No, Pikachu, we have to rest. Here, have some water." He pulled
out a canteen and a bowl, pouring Pikachu a little bowl of water. Pikachu, not
even tired, drank a little bit to be polite, then ran off to play. He stalked
around the rosebushes that lined the road.
"Rataaaa!"
AOI:
Ratatouille!
JAMES: Loud rosebushes.
A Rattata jumped out of the top
of a bush!
"Pikaaaaaaa!" Pikachu sprinted back to Ash, hiding in his
backpack.
"Hey, Pikachu!," Ash laughed.
Pikachu snuck back up on the
bush, ears flattened down, tail low to the ground. He hopped up, over the bush,
waving his little arms. "Pika pikaaaa!"
"Rattataaaaa! Raaaaa!" The Rattata
zipped off...but within seconds, he was back.
"Rataa, rattata!"
"Pika
pikaa? Chu!"
"Ra ratta rattataa..ratta!"
"Pika piiii!"
JAMES: An
exchange which makes perfect sense, honestly.
JESSIE: Wow, hear that? Ratta
Pika Chu! We’ve got to tell the press!
Pikachu ran back to Ash, waving
his arms and screaming! "Pikachu! Pikaa pika pi! Chu! Pikaaaachu!"
"Prepare
for trouble..." Off in the distance, Ash heard a soft voice. He looked around,
not quite able to place it.
"Make it double..." The second voice was closer.
Ash looked around...then up...
SCOTT: Then to the side…
JESSIE: Then
across…
JAMES: Then back in time…
AOI: Then into the abyss.
and saw
two strangers up in the large tree across the road.
"To protect the world
from devastation!" A beautiful young woman with long, red hair jumped down from
the tree.
AOI: It’s James! Oh, no, wait… she just looks like a girl, like
James does.
"To unite all peoples within our nation!" A young blue-haired
boy hopped down, stumbling as he landed.
SCOTT: (as James) Damn hip’s
been giving me gyp since the war.
"To denounce the evils of truth and
love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars
above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of
light!" Jessie and James jumped over the rosebushes, frightening Ash so badly
that he fell backwards!
"T-t--Team Rocket?!" He blindly groped for his
Pokeballs on his belt.
"Piiika!!" Pikachu jumped between Ash and the
Rockets.
"Oh, James, this will be too easy!"
"But that's .. stealing! And
from a child!"
JAMES: So stealing from an old age pensioner is
better?
"Listen, do you want this Pikachu or not? We'll be rich, famous!
Move to a little island and live out our days in luxury! That is, of course, if
you're not *too good* to steal."
James' eyes widened. She just said...!!
Without another word, Koffing was out and ready to battle!
JESSIE: This
girl loves her exclamation points!
JAMES: Who doesn’t?!?
SCOTT: I know I
do!!
"For you, Jessie..", he whispered, loud and dramatic enough for her
to hear.
"Man, these guys are strange..." Ash
said.
"Pikaaa..."
"Meeeeow?"
"MEOW?!" Ash, Jessie, and James all looked
around.
*whump!* When they turned back, Pikachu was gone!
JAMES: He
was hit by a train?
AOI: (as Pikachu) Pikaaa-*whump*
Down the road,
they saw him...in a fight with another Pokemon! A Meowth proudly carried the
knocked-out Pikachu back to Jessie and James, giving them his best puppy-dog
eyes.
SCOTT: (as Jessie) Ech! Meowth! Give those back to the
puppy!
"Meowth?"
"Oh, James...this is...I don't believe it!"
"What
should we do? This is just...strange!"
"You should give da Meowth some food,
I haven't eaten in days!"
AOI: (as Jessie) That’s odd, James, where did
you get the accent?
"And he can talk!" Jessie grabbed Pikachu, and James
rummaged around in his backpack for some food.
"pi...." Slowly regaining
consciousness, Pikachu's eyes fluttered open, winked at Ash, then closed
again.
"Pikachu!", Ash whispered.
"Let me see him, Jessie. Is his coat too
messed up?" James took a step toward Jessie, looking in her deep, sparkling
JESSIE: Spring water?
eyes...instead of at Pikachu. He reached
out for the Pikachu, not-so-accidentally brushing her hand.
JAMES: (as
himself) Jessie, how could you let your hand get so
matted?
"CHUUUUUUU!!!!" Pikachu erupted
SCOTT: *coughs*
AOI:
*elbows him in the ribs*
in lightning! Jessie and James were blown apart,
to opposite sides of the road. James landed in the rosebushes. Pikachu, still
electrified, wiggled out of Jessie's grasp and kicked her in the face!
JESSIE: Wow, a kick in the face from a small rat thing. Devastating.
I’ll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again.
JAMES: She’ll have
to drink soup through a straw for the rest of her life!
He ran back to
Ash, who picked him up and ran as fast as his legs could carry
him!
+++
SCOTT: We’re up to Zero plus 15 now! With your donations, we
can make it up to our target!
"I'm sorry, Jessie...I let him get away. I
didn't mean to..." James was nearly in tears, he had let Jessie down! He
wondered if he could ever forgive himself. "I'll get him next time, I mean it!
Just for you, I know how much you want that Pikachu..." His voice trailed
off...he blinked back a tear.
Seeing James, still in a heap in the
rosebushes, Jessie felt something she hadn't felt in years...
AOI: Her
hair without hairspray?
JESSIE: Being mortal, no longer her stunning Goddess
form?
SCOTT: There’s an obvious perverted joke here, people, but I’m going to
avoid it. Mainly because both Jessie and James will kick me hard if I
do.
JAMES: Good. You’re learning well.
pity. She walked to the bush,
pulled a rose off, and gently handed it to him. "James...I know. I understand. I
won't do anything too rotten..."
"A rose?"
"Yes, but remember...every rose
has its handful of thorns."
AOI: And every noodle snack has a handful of
dried carrot pieces. What’s your
point?
+++
zero3147351867@aol.com
JAMES: Waah, I would’ve noted
that down to complain, but look at all the numbers…
SCOTT: D’you know monkeys
can remember up to ten numbers, but James can’t? There’s a joke in there
somewhere.
JESSIE: And the final count… Zero plus 18, plus
3147351867!
All copyrights and trademarks are property of their
respective owners.
AOI: Aaaand… we’re out of here.
JAMES: I feel kinda
ill… that was a shipper fic, then?
SCOTT: At least it wasn’t a lemon,
Jim-me-lad.
AOI: Is the soda taking effect?
JAMES: Wurp…
JESSIE: Your
radiant goddess queen will protect you from all harm!
JAMES: Urghhh…
AOI:
He’s gonna blow!
***All stand to leave, James running out first, clutching
his stomach, followed by Jessie, walking slowly and crying. Scott and Aoi trail
out after them, Aoi saying a few good words about James, as if he was already
dead. Scott hits her over the head, and drags her out by her arm.***
They
were met by the crew, dressed all in black. They were all weeping, except Spike,
who was lounging on the sofa, laughing to himself.
"He’s not exploded yet?"
said Meowth.
"On his way out…" said Aoi, sorrowfully.
James whined. "My
stomach hurts…"
"Everybody get down!" screeched Ant. They all hit the floor,
with the exceptions of Spike and Scott. They stayed there for a full minute,
whilst James whined pitifully, and Scott tapped his foot impatiently.
Eventually, he walked over to James, stepping over Jessie and standing on Aoi’s
fingers by accident in the process. He thwapped James on the back,
roughly.
James let out a massive burp.
And completely failed to
explode.
"There we go, then. See, the cynics are always right." Scott
Evil left the rest of the crew, and headed for his room.
"Spoil my fun."
murmured Spike.
"You’re OK?" said Jessie, awestruck.
"Guess so." replied
James.
"Thought we’d lost you forever…"
James leaned in slowly, hoping
that the shippy fic had inspired her, hoping for, perhaps, a kiss…
She
whacked him over the head with a mallet, and crossed her arms.
"Kojiro no
baka! Never, ever do that again!"
"Ow."
And that’s where I leave
it. So…
Will James and Jessie ever get together? Will people eventually
listen to Scott’s good advice? Will Spike ever get to kill again? Will candy
ever make someone explode? Will I ever leave these poor characters
alone?
Find out next time!
Email me feedback and fanfics at:
blue@team-rocket.net or dittoblue@yahoo.co.uk
MiSTing archives:
http://www.geocities.com/dittoblue30/mst.html
++++++
"I’ve never seen
writing paper like this, my Goddess Queen!"
Review this story! Please?